Insecure
OK savo, I was going to call you, and I probably still will cause you're clearly upset, but this does need to be a general announcement too.
I don't use LJ as a tool for personal attacks, with the exception of after talent show when I did use names. The stuff I put up here is directed at a ton of people. You (universal "you" as in whoever is reading this) are not the only person in my life. Yes the people that read this are usually included in the gripes I have with everyone, but it is more encompassing than a petty attack on my friendships. What would be the point at that.
But moving on to life in general...
I did forget something important last entry when I said I'm surrounded by children. I act childish too. We all do, and it annoys me when people think they are all grown up, or want to be treated as such, when clearly we're all still just us. Same with adults who think they should automatically get respect. I've known plenty of childish adults, and plenty of young people with a solid grasp on life.
Hypocrisy
I had my blood pressure taken over 20 times today, I think something is wrong with me but no one is saying what. It's all "let's check that again" and "just to be sure" kinda things that doctors say all the time. I'm a 18 year old athlete...I'm fine.
I was thinking about what we talked about, who knows what about me. I mean ask someone I'm a drama, someone else I'm a jock, or a nerd, or a jerk, or a really nice guy, or super lazy, or driven smart kid, is it my fault for changing how I act around certain people or just how they choose to perceive me.
When it comes down to it it's not what I thought after all. You know how each person has that trait that they hide? You can usually tell by watching them closely because they over compensate, like being really awkward or childish or someone who's secretly smart, well I hide my insecurity.
I got over it in middle school, I hide in hugs that I use to convince me everything is all right, and I go to everything and am always afraid of missing anything, and I do tend to over compensate, and
I'm sorry.
And it's killing me to go off to college.
I'm insecure about everything that is the future and I'm having trouble beating back.
I don't use LJ as a tool for personal attacks, with the exception of after talent show when I did use names. The stuff I put up here is directed at a ton of people. You (universal "you" as in whoever is reading this) are not the only person in my life. Yes the people that read this are usually included in the gripes I have with everyone, but it is more encompassing than a petty attack on my friendships. What would be the point at that.
But moving on to life in general...
I did forget something important last entry when I said I'm surrounded by children. I act childish too. We all do, and it annoys me when people think they are all grown up, or want to be treated as such, when clearly we're all still just us. Same with adults who think they should automatically get respect. I've known plenty of childish adults, and plenty of young people with a solid grasp on life.
Hypocrisy
I had my blood pressure taken over 20 times today, I think something is wrong with me but no one is saying what. It's all "let's check that again" and "just to be sure" kinda things that doctors say all the time. I'm a 18 year old athlete...I'm fine.
I was thinking about what we talked about, who knows what about me. I mean ask someone I'm a drama, someone else I'm a jock, or a nerd, or a jerk, or a really nice guy, or super lazy, or driven smart kid, is it my fault for changing how I act around certain people or just how they choose to perceive me.
When it comes down to it it's not what I thought after all. You know how each person has that trait that they hide? You can usually tell by watching them closely because they over compensate, like being really awkward or childish or someone who's secretly smart, well I hide my insecurity.
I got over it in middle school, I hide in hugs that I use to convince me everything is all right, and I go to everything and am always afraid of missing anything, and I do tend to over compensate, and
I'm sorry.
And it's killing me to go off to college.
I'm insecure about everything that is the future and I'm having trouble beating back.