things i've been thinking about
So lately I have been thinking of where everything went wrong and when in my life everything was going well and right. I think I have narrowed it all down to one thing CHURCH. When I was 17 I slowed down going to church. That was the year I started smoking all the tiem, the year I started getting high, the year I got raped, and the year I lost my way.
Previously I had gone to church evry week 2-3 time s a week. My senior year not so much, I had a car, and a jo b nd FRIENDS for the first time in my life. I had more freedom than was ever allowed before. I grew up in a little bubble of life I like to call it now.
Heck my parents would punish me not by taking my phone or computer away, but by taking my books and church privledges away.
So lets see the first time they went out of town I had jsut turned 17, I was taking a college Spanish course on Thurs nights, woking Part time at Jack In The Box, and going out on weekends with my friends. I went and got a friend of mine from her house after I got off work Snuck her into the house because you know the neighbors were keeping an eye out. My sister didn't come home that ngiht as she stayed at her boyfriends house.
Friend and I watched movies. We fell asleep. I recieved a phone call. It was a friend who had graduated the year before. His girlfriend had jsut broke up with him and could I please come talk to him at work because he's not supposed to be on the phone at work. Me being a naieve girl then (ypu wouldn't know that now a days though) told him sure give me awhile and I will be there. I woke friend up took her home and then went to his work. We were talking and he kissed me, that was ok, at this point aI had very little experience with boys. I remember he started making out and then next thing I know I was telling him no and he was taking my pants down and his. I was crying and telling him no and what not and he didn't listen. That was that.
But I digress. CHURCH. Everytime things were going well for me I attended church. I need to find a church to go to, to fit in with and to make a place for myself. I haven't found a church in 5 years since I have been in Vegas. I found a few btu they always turned out to be the wrong fit, too small, or too big or wrong doctrine. I want to go to CHURCH. I really really do. I want my kids to know about things I want to have a place to worship and pray with other people. I know thongs would be better and my depression I have slumped into these past few months wouldn't be so bad if only I had a church to be in.
Things currently barring em from finding a church and going on a regular basis; Illegal car, husband's work schedule, all the ones I can find are 15-20 miles away form me, don't feel safe putting my kids in the car to travel that far.
Yes these are excuses, albeit good ones but still.
Now if anyone actually finds this blog and reads it I'll be really surprised. More tyhings later., I am done foe now.
Previously I had gone to church evry week 2-3 time s a week. My senior year not so much, I had a car, and a jo b nd FRIENDS for the first time in my life. I had more freedom than was ever allowed before. I grew up in a little bubble of life I like to call it now.
Heck my parents would punish me not by taking my phone or computer away, but by taking my books and church privledges away.
So lets see the first time they went out of town I had jsut turned 17, I was taking a college Spanish course on Thurs nights, woking Part time at Jack In The Box, and going out on weekends with my friends. I went and got a friend of mine from her house after I got off work Snuck her into the house because you know the neighbors were keeping an eye out. My sister didn't come home that ngiht as she stayed at her boyfriends house.
Friend and I watched movies. We fell asleep. I recieved a phone call. It was a friend who had graduated the year before. His girlfriend had jsut broke up with him and could I please come talk to him at work because he's not supposed to be on the phone at work. Me being a naieve girl then (ypu wouldn't know that now a days though) told him sure give me awhile and I will be there. I woke friend up took her home and then went to his work. We were talking and he kissed me, that was ok, at this point aI had very little experience with boys. I remember he started making out and then next thing I know I was telling him no and he was taking my pants down and his. I was crying and telling him no and what not and he didn't listen. That was that.
But I digress. CHURCH. Everytime things were going well for me I attended church. I need to find a church to go to, to fit in with and to make a place for myself. I haven't found a church in 5 years since I have been in Vegas. I found a few btu they always turned out to be the wrong fit, too small, or too big or wrong doctrine. I want to go to CHURCH. I really really do. I want my kids to know about things I want to have a place to worship and pray with other people. I know thongs would be better and my depression I have slumped into these past few months wouldn't be so bad if only I had a church to be in.
Things currently barring em from finding a church and going on a regular basis; Illegal car, husband's work schedule, all the ones I can find are 15-20 miles away form me, don't feel safe putting my kids in the car to travel that far.
Yes these are excuses, albeit good ones but still.
Now if anyone actually finds this blog and reads it I'll be really surprised. More tyhings later., I am done foe now.