the ghost of christmas past
So I was reading my parents Washington Post this morning and read the Carolyn Hax column entitled 'Profile of an abuser: An insecure control freak'. It was a little less than a year ago that I got out of relationship that at the time I considered borderline abusive. After reading that article, I consider it well over the border. An excerpt, in case it makes you log in (Y is victim, X is abuser):
But I'm getting ahead of myself. So Y starts buying X's romantic act -- not just because X has been in the business of Y's wish-fulfillment, but also because X is a self-promoter, establishing himself as being hard to please, having exacting standards ("sweat pants are a deal-breaker," anyone?). That tricks Y into thinking X's opinion is valuable, so having X like you is an accomplishment.
or
Y suddenly hears that X doesn't really like Y's friends and relatives, and are you really wearing that . . . ? And if Y's going out with friends, then X goes, too . . . or Y has to check in every hour, because last time Y went out solo, X was waiting at home in a near rage over some perceived behavior by Y. So, Y will start trying to preempt X's rage by calling to check in, leaving early, eventually not going at all...
Those describe my former relationship precisely. Creepy. Fortunately, that is in the past, and never to recur, especially given the wonderful person I'm currently dating.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. So Y starts buying X's romantic act -- not just because X has been in the business of Y's wish-fulfillment, but also because X is a self-promoter, establishing himself as being hard to please, having exacting standards ("sweat pants are a deal-breaker," anyone?). That tricks Y into thinking X's opinion is valuable, so having X like you is an accomplishment.
or
Y suddenly hears that X doesn't really like Y's friends and relatives, and are you really wearing that . . . ? And if Y's going out with friends, then X goes, too . . . or Y has to check in every hour, because last time Y went out solo, X was waiting at home in a near rage over some perceived behavior by Y. So, Y will start trying to preempt X's rage by calling to check in, leaving early, eventually not going at all...
Those describe my former relationship precisely. Creepy. Fortunately, that is in the past, and never to recur, especially given the wonderful person I'm currently dating.