Mondays always bring me down

[dr_l_cuddy]

Who: Cuddy, open
Where: Cuddy's office
What: After her weekend at the resort
When: 9 am, Monday morning, 29 May

Comments

[dr_j_wilson]

Wilson lifted a hand and ran his fingers over his lips, realised it probably made him look a little anxious, and dropped his hand back to his lap. It wasn't just that House had been nice that was bothering him - it was the way House had reacted in bed, the way he'd tensed up. No way could he say to Cuddy, though, 'Oh no, it was after we had sex, House started acting weird'. Just because Cuddy had been sexually involved with House and himself, didn't mean he felt comfortable talking about his sex life with her.

"It's..." he began.

Maybe he was just being paranoid, though. He was probably just being paranoid because things had been rocky between House and himself, between Cuddy and themselves, and now he was just being extra paranoid because he'd found out about this gift he was supposedly in on but never knew about until now. Yeah, he probably just being paranoid and Cuddy was probably at least partly right, that House was just trying to make amends.

Still, even as he tried to convince himself of this, he didn't actually feel very convinced. But Cuddy didn't need any extra burden put on her and what was she going to do if he confided in her, anyway? This was obviously just an issue between House and himself.

Deciding on that, he sat a little straighter and pulled his lips into a thin smile. "I guess," he finally added, sounding a lot more confident than he actually felt. "Things have just been..." He shook his head slightly and gestured at Cuddy with a shrug. "Well, you're well aware of what things have been like."

She didn't really, not in terms of what had been going on between House and himself, but it was easier t turn the focus back onto Cuddy than allow the focus to remain on him. He gestured at her again. "The important thing is, he is trying to make amends... in his own secretive way."

[dr_l_cuddy]

"Things have been...weird," she agreed. More than weird. Life had taken on a surreal air at times. Sometimes she half wondered if everything that had happened was real. Some of it certainly felt like a bad dream, but unfortunately she knew it was all real.

Not that the sex was unfortunate, not until House had time to think about it anyway. But those memories had a sort of unreal quality to them, too. She was still conflicted about how she felt about their night together (thanks in large part to House) On the one hand she couldn't believe she'd done something like that, with them. On the other hand, she didn't think doing it, doing them, had to be a bad thing. And on the third hand she figured she didn't have enough hands to straighten out her own thoughts.

"He is trying." Cuddy pulled herself out of her jumbled thoughts and smiled at Wilson. At least he hadn't gone off the deep end over the sex. Or if he had, he hadn't taken it out on her. "I suggest you make the most of it. Chances are it won't be long before he's back to practical jokes and stealing your food."

[dr_j_wilson]

Wilson smiled back at her with a snort. "Funny how, when House is making everyone suffer with his childishness, it means everything is normal, and when he's actually making an effort means things aren't normal." He shook his head as he started pushing himself up from his seat. "Not sure if it's him or us that has it backwards."

Once he was standing tall, he studied Cuddy's face, still with a slight smile on his lips. "It's good you had a good time this weekend, though," he continued a little more seriously. "Maybe take a note from it. Try and be there for yourself more often, rather than just focusing on everything else around you."

He paused, trying to think of a way to find out when the trial was without directly asking her. "Especially during the upcoming trial, which is...?" He gave a gesture with his hand and affected a look of concern rather than interest and curiosity, hoping that would prompt Cuddy to tell him without her thinking he was trying to pry.

[dr_l_cuddy]

"I'm pretty sure it's House who's ass-backwards, but he manages to make it confusing enough that I'm not always sure of that."

She really didn't always know which end was up when House was involved. And if it was bad for her, she couldn't imagine what it must be like for Wilson. She'd watched House tie Wilson in knots even before the two of them had gotten into a sexual relationship. It had to be a nightmare at times now, trying to navigate a relationship with House. Well, she knew that, didn't she? She'd seen Wilson after House's hooker trick.

She grimaced and shook her head stiffly, dropping her eyes when Wilson brought up the trial. "Too soon. Couple of weeks." Like she was going to be able to 'be there' for herself during that. She didn't have time to indulge herself under normal circumstances, even if she realized that it was healthier. She wouldn't be able to relax until the trial was over and done.

"I just have to get through it, and hope for the best," she said. And there was one of her big issues with the whole situation; she still wasn't in control. The lawyers, judge, jury: they had the control. They would decide the ultimate resolution to the case. In a way she'd be as much at their mercy as her stalker.

[dr_j_wilson]

He pressed his lips together and sighed quietly when he saw how Cuddy stiffened as she spoke of the trial. Couple of weeks was pretty soon. Probably too soon for Cuddy in the sense that she'd barely had time to get over what had happened and soon she'd have to face it all over again. On the other hand, sooner was better than later - the sooner this was dealt with, the sooner Cuddy could put it all behind her. Or try to, at least.

Seeing how much the whole thing still bothered her, though, made Wilson feel a brief stab of irritation at House, at the way House had handled the entire aftermath of all three of them sleeping together. House had really dug into a hurtful spot with Cuddy and Wilson had been almost powerless to stop it. Maybe... maybe Cuddy was right; maybe the weird behaviour from House when it came to Cuddy really was about guilt over how he'd treated her.

That thought put Wilson's mind at ease a little. Yeah, that had to be it. Though, as he continued to watch Cuddy, part of him wanted to comfort her somehow. Not because she needed comforting, but because he wanted her to know he was there for her. Sometimes words just didn't offer the same impact that a simple touch to the shoulder or brief hug could. He also knew Cuddy was stubborn and resilient, and he wasn't sure she'd welcome that kind of thing from him, anyway.

"You don't have to get through it alone," he said, pushing his hands into his trouser pockets. "I'm here for you. So's House. In his own way." He paused. "This isn't something you have to go through on your own. You know that, right?"

[dr_l_cuddy]

"Except that I do." Cuddy wasn't dismissing Wilson's support. She knew he'd be there, say the right things. House...wouldn't say the right things but he'd be supportive in some twisted, House only way. And yes, it would mean something. It would matter. But ultimately she had to do this alone. When she got up on the stand, there wouldn't be anyone there to hold her hand so she'd better suck it up and deal.

"I get it now. I mean I really get it," she said, glancing up at Wilson. "I used to get so frustrated with the women who came through the clinic who'd been abused or threatened and refused to go to the police. I understand now because it doesn't matter if you know it's not your fault. You still feel like it is and you feel like everyone else is going to think it's your fault."

She paused, her gaze distant as an idea came to her. "We need to offer a support group." She grabbed a piece of paper and started making notes because this was something good she could do. This was something positive, and she'd half forgotten Wilson was in the room as she hurried to get her thoughts and questions down on paper.

"We offer support groups for every damn thing--cancer, disabilities--but we leave this kind of thing to the victim advocacy program the police department runs. But what about the women who are too afraid or intimidated or embarassed to go to the police? Who's helping them?"

[dr_j_wilson]

Wilson wanted to argue that no, she didn't have to go through this alone. No, he couldn't be there for her while she was in the stand... but he could be there in the courtroom. He could be a listening ear when she needed it. He got as far as opening his mouth when Cuddy continued talking and by the time she'd snatched the bit of paper to write on, Wilson had moved his hand to the back of his neck to give it a rub.

He felt a bit inadequate; in a way, he needed to make it up to Cuddy after everything that had happened, after the way House had treated her. Sure, House was obviously making up for it in his own way... but Wilson still felt like he needed to somehow undo some of the damage House had inflicted. He just didn't know how to do that, especially seeing Cuddy seemed determined to do this mostly on her own.

"Probably nobody," he agreed, watching her scribble notes on the paper. Being she seemed to be now be more focused on that than him, Wilson guessed that was a good time to take his leave. He bent down for his bag and then stood tall again, watching Cuddy still making some notes.

"Don't forget about yourself," he said after a pause. "I think it's good to make something positive come out everything that's happened. I think that's important for you. Organising a support group would be a good thing for women - and maybe men and children, as well - who need it. Just... don't forget about yourself, Cuddy. You can't be there for everyone if you can't be there for yourself first. I mean, you need someone to be there for you, too. And only you can allow them to be there for you, for yourself."

He gestured at himself as if to say he was one of those someones. He wasn't trying to discourage Cuddy, he really wasn't - he was just aware Cuddy was still hurting from everything that had happened, and maybe it was part of his pathology that he wanted Cuddy to need him somehow - but he cared about her, a lot, and she'd been there for him at his lowest and it was the least he could do to be there for her.

He glanced down at his watch, then back up at Cuddy. "I, uh, better go. Got a consult scheduled for 9.30."

[dr_l_cuddy]

"Uh huh," she said, distracted. She was listening to Wilson but she needed to write down her ideas while they were fresh in her mind. This is what she did well. She could see a problem, think of a solution, and--most importantly--act on it. It did, however, make her appear to be dismissive or inattentive when she latched onto something. She could be a little brusque with others when she had a goal in sight.

She set her pen down and gave Wilson her full attention again. She understood what Wilson was telling her, and she agreed in theory. In practice....

"This is what I do for me. This...makes me feel good...useful," she said, tapping her finger on the notes she'd just made. She was pretty sure that Wilson understood what she meant, even if he didn't necessarily approve of her coping methods. In fact, she was pretty sure Wilson had used the same type of coping method himself, deflecting his own problems by focusing on someone else's.

"Thanks, Wilson," she said, nodding when he said he had to go. It did help to know that someone cared, even if she couldn't allow herself to lean on him as much he might wish she would.

"Oh, if you're planning to physically harm House for keeping the birthday present a secret...at least wait until he's done his clinic hours, okay?"

[dr_j_wilson]

Wilson wasn't sure Cuddy was listening to him, which caused him to feel a little displaced in the room. He kind of wanted her to need him because then if he had somewhere else to place his concern, maybe he wouldn't feel so bothered by House. Useful was the word Cuddy used when she returned her focus back to him; that was exactly how he wanted to feel in terms of Cuddy.

He gave her a brief smile when she thanked him, glad that Cuddy had found something right now to help her, though uncertain he'd been any help to her himself. He snorted mildly when she then said about not hurting House until he'd done his clinic hours.

"Probably as far as he's concerned, doing clinic hours is physical harm enough." He certainly wasn't going to physically harm House, but he was certainly going to try and find out why House felt such a need to hide this. Hopefully get to the bottom of whatever it was that bothering House.

He gave Cuddy a parting smile before facing to the door and heading towards it. "Out of interest, though: does House's medical insurance cover suspect workplace injury?" he asked when he opened the door.

He grinned at Cuddy to show he was just kidding before he stepped out of her office and closed the door behind him.