Tonight we fly

[dr_gregoryhouse]

Who: House, Wilson (closed)
Where: Another sailing weekend! On Wilson's boat again.
What: It's after Wilson's weekend with his parents, and after House's meeting with Cuddy -- a weekend away.
When: Saturday 29th April - Sunday 30th April, 2006.

Complete

Comments

Re: Later

[dr_gregoryhouse]

That was something House was finding hard to adjust to -- the way Wilson looked at him like that. It made House feel very self-conscious and his first instinct was to cover himself up, at least his crotch, which was stupid considering everything that had happened between them. He just wasn't used to Wilson looking at him in that manner, not after all the years of friendship they'd had. Taking the washcloth from Wilson, he eyed him as Wilson walked off the bathroom cubicle, trying to shake the vulnerable feeling he got from Wilson looking at him like that, before he turned his attention down to himself.

He quickly washed over his stomach and the top of his thighs, around his crotch, and then pushed himself up into a sitting position. Which made his stomach suddenly lurch, reminding him that he was due for another Meclizine. He quickly tugged on his jeans and then fetched his cane, and shuffled down towards the sink where he washed the cloth out. After hanging it up to dry, House went straight to his bag for the Meclizine, swallowed a pill dry and then said to Wilson as he stood back up, tugging his shirt on, "I'm going up onto the deck. My stomach isn't too happy at the moment."

Limping up the steps, he slowly got himself onto the deck. The sky was starting to fade into a hazy orange colour as the sun began to set, which cast a stunning effect of colours over the water. House made his way up to the railing and, after hooking his cane over it, he leaned against the railing and stared out at the water.

[dr_j_wilson]

Coming out of the bathroom, Wilson washed his hands and then looked over at House in concern. When House left the cabin, Wilson picked up his clothes, putting on his jeans and a shirt, before pulling out a glass and filling it with water. Then he followed after House.

On the deck though, Wilson paused, taking in the sight of the colourful sunset and House, leaning against the railings. After a minute Wilson walked forward, stepping up behind House and hooking his arm around House’s body to present him the glass of water. “Might help your stomach,” Wilson said, resting his other hand lightly on House’s hip.

Looking back out at the sunset, Wilson took a half-step forward, pressing up against House’s back. He rested his chin cautiously on House’s shoulder, attentive for any sign that House didn’t want him there, or wanted some time alone.

[dr_gregoryhouse]

Glancing down at the glass offered to him, he took it from Wilson's hand with a quiet, "Thanks," and he lifted the glass to his lips for a sip just as Wilson pressed up behind him. He falted in taking a sip for a second, and then found himself smiling to himself before he took a sip of the water.

He didn't say or do anything for a small while; he just remained staring out at the water, occasionally sipping from his glass. He was too focused on Wilson pressed up against him and how... nice that felt to really think of anything to say. It was, to House's recollection, the first time they'd ever done this -- being in each other's company like they were partners. There was sleeping together, but that wasn't the same as something like this. Quiet intimacy without really doing anything.

He drained the glass, his stomach felt more settled once he'd finished the drink, and he then turned his head to look at Wilson. He smiled at him for a moment, studying his eyes. His smile then turned into a smirk as he jokingly remarked, "Seems I have a Wilson-shaped growth on my back."

[dr_j_wilson]

After House had taken the glass, Wilson settled that now free hand on House’s other hip and - when it seemed that House didn’t mind him being there - settled his chin a little more comfortably on House’s shoulder. When House looked at him, Wilson tore his gaze away from the sunset and met his eyes, smiling in return. He made an amused noise at House’s comment, something that wasn’t quite a laugh but wasn’t not a laugh either.

“Nice, I’m a growth now,” Wilson said and pressed his nose against House’s neck, breathing deeply. Feeling bolder, he also wrapped his arms around House’s middle, though he was careful not to press on House’s stomach just in case he was still feeling sick. “What’s the differential for that?”

Resting his chin back on House’s shoulder, Wilson looked back out at the sunset. He wished it could always be like this between them. Not perfect, no, Wilson knew better than to wish for perfection, but at least relaxed and comfortable.

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House was smiling to himself again, peering down at the glass in his hand with his wrist draped over the railing.

"Hmm," he mused, turning the glass around his hand as he mulled over Wilson's question. "Growths usually have to be removed." His smirk broadened as he glanced over his shoulder at Wilson again. "I'm pretty sure I can make an exception in this case, though."

He felt strange talking to Wilson like this, with Wilson being affectionate the way he was. Not unpleasant, just strange. He wasn't used to it. It struck him that Wilson was obviously much more accepting of who he was sexually to be this openly affectionate. It went to show, too, that Wilson was telling the truth back in House's apartment that day, when he'd shouted at House that he'd fallen in love with him. Part of the reason why this felt as strange as it did was that it wasn't just a case of not being used to Wilson being this way with him, it wasn't just the fact that it was a man being this way with him, it was the fact that someone... well, loved him. The way Wilson evidently did. He just wasn't used to it at all. And he wasn't used to giving it back. He'd shut himself off when Stacy left him all those years ago, and five years was a long time to close off such a thing. Then again, House wondered if Wilson had ever really loved someone, given the three marriages he'd had. Was Wilson like this with his wives?

Breaking out of his train of thought, House pushed back from the railing and turned around to face Wilson, peering at his face. Without thinking about it, he randomly leaned in and pressed a kiss to Wilson's lips, like it was an everyday thing they did and then pulled back again, turning his attention down to his glass. It felt strange doing things like that, too: giving an affectionate kiss for the sake of a kiss.

"Stomach's feeling better," he remarked.

[dr_j_wilson]

“I’m honoured,” Wilson said, trying to keep his face straight but not quite succeeding. He had a feeling, as they lapsed into silence, that House’s mind was busying turning things over and over, as he so often did. Wilson himself was content not to think or constantly analyse everything that happened. Or didn’t happen, for that matter. He was gay and he’d accepted that, but the simplistic way of looking at it was that he loved House, who happened to be male. He loved House. That was it.

Relaxing his arms to allow House to turn around, Wilson met his eyes, trying to see if could tell what House was thinking about. The kiss surprised him, but eased Wilson’s mind that whatever House had been thinking about, it obviously hadn’t been negative towards him or their relationship. He smiled a little at the way House dropped his gaze down to the glass, as if a little surprised himself that he’d just done that.

“Good,” Wilson said in reply to House saying he felt better. “Because, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” Sex was, after all, good for working up an appetite. Among other things. “There’s some pasta salad and some more pizza rolls I think.”

Despite his words, Wilson made no move to leave their easy embrace. There was still the sunset to look at while it was there. Wilson looked at the horizon over House’s shoulder and then looked up at the sky where the first brightest stars were starting to show. “Don’t get this kind of thing in the city,” Wilson said, a little wistfully.

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House followed Wilson's gaze up to the sky briefly and then turned his attention back down to his glass again, replying with a quiet, "Hmm."

He was quiet because he was, like always, thinking. Again. About this. About them. There were times that House wished he had an off switch in his brain, so he could just enjoy something without having to analyse it to pieces. To House, he wanted it to be simplistic, he wanted there to be a simplistic answer, just like Wilson had. But he always had to scramble it up with his thoughts, and make it more complicated than it really needed to be.

Love, for example. That wasn't a simple thing for House. Nothing was simple, really. He knew he loved Wilson. He knew what those emotions he was having were. But he couldn't seem to place it into something as simple as love. He had to constantly puzzle it together as though it was a jigsaw to work out why he felt a certain way. Such as why he loved Wilson: why did he love Wilson? Why?

He frowned as these thoughts raced through his head. Maybe if he could actually say some of what he was thinking, it wouldn't seem so terrifying, or confusing, or anything like that. Like when he talked to Cuddy -- that ended up being much less terrifying than he thought it would be.

He licked his lips and swallowed, glancing up to look across at the horizon from where he was standing. There were so many things he wanted to say and he didn't know how to say them or where to start. So, he just said the first thing that came to his mind.

"I don't want this to end," he said, still staring at the horizon. "It feels like..." He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Things are finally starting to make sense." He paused for a moment. "About us."

He smiled slightly. "I think... it's a good feeling."

House was almost talking in code. Telling Wilson what he wanted to say, but not saying it directly. About how he felt about Wilson.

[dr_j_wilson]

Wilson didn’t say anything immediately. He looked at House’s face, thinking over what House had just told him. Wilson did know that often what House said wasn’t what he meant, or at least there was often more to what he said that was obvious.

“I’m glad,” Wilson said finally and smiled a little back. Whether or not House meant something deeper than he was outwardly saying, it was good to hear that he was becoming more comfortable with the idea of them being in a relationship, more comfortable with how he felt.

Wilson knew House cared about him. He was fairly sure that House loved him. He hadn’t at all let himself wonder too deeply if House was in love with him or not, if he felt the same way that Wilson felt for him. That was…dangerous territory. But, thinking back to before, when House had struggled to tell him something, and the similar times before that, Wilson had hope that maybe that was what House had been trying to say. And maybe that was what House was hinting at now.

Leaning in, Wilson kissed House lightly on the lips, not moving or trying to make it a deeper kiss, but holding his lips there for a long moment before pulling away again. It occurred to Wilson then that he hadn’t really said the words properly either. He’d yelled them during an emotional breakdown, which was hardly the thing House was likely to think back on fondly.

“It is…a good feeling,” Wilson said, cautiously. “Feeling this…the real thing, with you. Not some…pretence of it.”

Looking away, Wilson wasn't sure he'd even made any sense just then, but he made himself look back and meet House’s eyes, hoping that House would see what he meant if he didn’t understand it from the words. This was the real thing for Wilson. The forever and ever, death do us part thing, which was ironic considering his history. That he felt that for someone he wasn’t actually married to, after not feeling during the three times he was married.

[dr_gregoryhouse]

It made perfect sense to House. Because the kiss had drawn his attention back to Wilson, he met his eyes and didn't look away. Saying what he'd just said to Wilson seemed to bring about a small bout of courage, enough that -- despite the way his heart was suddenly beating a little faster -- he wanted Wilson to know exactly what he meant. It was just a matter of actually getting the words out without talking in code, or without chickening out.

The real thing, Wilson had said. Was that what this was? House understood the depth in that phrase. An incredible depth. A terrifying depth. It took him a moment realise just how deep that phrase went, and when it struck him, House felt his chest tighten and his stomach knot up. God, this was his best friend. Another man. A man he'd known for years. The only person who knew House better than anyone else, telling him in the most roundabout yet profound way that this was it for Wilson. That was scary. What did that mean for House? It was almost too much to fathom.

Dropping his gaze from Wilson, House swallowed hard, swallowed back a wave of fear and anxiety, and steeled himself. From the way he was staring down at the glass in his hand hard, like it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen, it was probably easy to tell that he was rustling up the courage to say something. He licked his lips and swallowed again before he looked back up and stared at the horizon once more, drawing in a deep breath.

He let his breath out slowly, evenly. "No pretence," he replied, echoing Wilson's words, and he was surprised at how steady and assertive his voice sounded. That in itself gave House another boost of confidence. Before he could lose his nerve again, he continued, "I'm..."

He halted for a moment and forced his mind to stop, so it didn't take over and cause him to lose his courage. Turning his eyes back to Wilson, he licked his lips and shifted on the spot, leaning back against the railing for support. "James," he started again, and then cleared his throat. "I... I'm... I've..." One more deep breath in and then out. "I've fallen in love. With you."

He looked away, not believing that he'd just said that, yet feeling an overwhelming sense of... fear? relief? from having admitted it.

[dr_j_wilson]

Wilson drew in a sharp breath and his eyes closed as...something swept through his body. At that moment he felt hyper aware of everything; the gentle rocking of the boat, his heartbeat, the light breeze at his back, House's warmth and the feel of his body pressed against his own. Wilson knew already that this wasn't a moment he was ever going to forget.

The way House had said it, almost formally by actually using his first name, something he hardly ever did, made it all the more staggering, all the more obvious heartfelt. Forcing his eyes open again, Wilson looked at House, noting that he seemed...afraid, maybe.

Lifting a hand from House’s hip, Wilson pressed his fingers to House’s jaw, gently applying pressure until House was looking back at him. Then he smiled. A truly genuine, no-holds-barred smile that Wilson so rarely gave. He wanted House to know that yes…this was a huge thing, but it was a good thing too. It wasn’t something to be afraid of.

Sliding his hand up, Wilson cupped it against House’s cheek, his smile fading, though his happiness was still showing clearly in his eyes. “I love you,” Wilson finally said, his voice only a little strained from everything he was feeling right then - which was a lot.

[dr_gregoryhouse]

There were only a few times in House's life where he felt stunned into silence. That he could vividly recall, anyway. That time Wilson had pushed him up against the doorway and shouted at him, brokenly, that he was in love with him was one of those moments.

This was another one.

House had absolutely no idea what to expect of this sailing trip. The entire point of it was, from House's point of view, for Wilson to be able to get away after meeting with his parents, because House had suspected that meeting wasn't going to go well. He didn't expect, at all, for the sailing trip to bring about... this. It was such a stark contrast to the last time they were on the boat, yet at the same time, these sailing trips seemed to be the only times he and Wilson truly relaxed and connected. As though escaping from everything familiar just made things easier to deal with.

He kept his eyes trained on Wilson's face, his chest feeling like it was being constricted. Those three words... The magnitude of them was almost too much to take in. That, coupled with the look on Wilson's face -- a look that House was certain, in all the years he'd known Wilson, he'd never truly seen before -- made this moment surreal. In all honesty, he felt so overwhelmed right at that moment that he didn't know what he was feeling.

"I know," he replied after a pause, his own voice sounding strained. His answer could've been taken as arrogant, but it really wasn't arrogance at all. It was... acknowledgment. He drew in a deep breath, and when he let it back out it was shaky.

The moment felt too intense for House. His mind was quickly starting to recover from being stunned and was starting to race with processing what Wilson had just said to him. He glanced away from Wilson with his eyes, swallowing thickly. He didn't really know how to handle all of this... emotion, especially in the thick of something as intense as this, and he couldn't work out if the consuming feeling churning in his chest was fear or what.

He shut his eyes and let out another breath. Turning his head in towards Wilson's palm, he pressed a kiss to it, a lingering one, before he opened his eyes and pulled away from Wilson's hand, casting his eyes upwards. It was obvious that his mind was rapidly trying to process everything, from the somewhat lost look on his face.

"I don't know where to go from here," he found himself admitting. He might've sounded completely lost from how overwhelmed he was feeling but... at least he was actually talking to Wilson about it.

[dr_j_wilson]

Breath hitching a little at the kiss to his palm, Wilson let his hand slowly drop when House turned his head away. “Where to go?” Wilson repeated, looking confused now himself. “Who says we have to go anywhere? This isn’t a race…there is no finishing line.”

Thinking that maybe House wanted a little space, Wilson reluctantly let go of him and took a step back. “Right now, I’m thinking we should go inside and eat,” he said and reached down to tug the empty glass from House’s hand, knowing he’d need that hand when he went down the stairs.

Seeing that House’s expression was still lost, Wilson sighed a little, realising they couldn’t just push this aside now that it was there between them. “We can still take this slow. I’m okay…with going slow,” Wilson said. “There’s no reason or need to push things.”

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House knew this thing between them had been building up over time, but what had just happened, what they'd just admitted to each other, it felt like a huge wave that had crashed down. It felt sudden and unexpected, even though he knew it wasn't. House just needed time to wrap his mind around everything.

He nodded at Wilson's words, shifting his weight against the railing as he looked back to him. "Going slow is good," he replied. For now, he thought.

Lifting a hand to his face, he rubbed it and then dropped it back down to the railing behind him. "I'll... be down in a minute," he said, giving Wilson a brief smile. He did need some space, even if it was just five minutes alone. Just to process everything.

[dr_j_wilson]

Wilson nodded and reached out, briefly squeezing House’s upper arm, “Sure, I’ll go and get dinner ready.” Leaving House where he was, Wilson went down into the cabin and starting pulling food out of the cooler.

He wondered for a moment if he could set up the PS2 to play the DVD so they could have something to watch while they eat. Well, to watch for a distraction as well. However, looking at the player, Wilson decided to leave the operating up to House, lest he accidentally break it.

Leaving the bowl of food for House on the bunk, Wilson sat down with his own bowl and began to eat. He didn’t know how long House was going to be and he was too hungry to wait.

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House watched Wilson walk away, and it wasn't until Wilson was descending into the cabin that House turned around and leaned his elbows against the railing. He stared down at the water, watching it lap and ripple and how the dying rays of the sun reflected on it. He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly before he closed his eyes and let his head fall forward.

He didn't realise until right at this moment how shaky he felt inside. From what just happened, from how vulnerable he felt from it, from how quickly everything unfolded just then. How abruptly it happened. He'd come up onto the deck to get some fresh air and to settle his stomach and instead... What were things going to be like when the sailing trip was over? When they returned to their normal lives once the weekend was over? When they saw each other at work? After work? Why did it feel like everything had just suddenly changed axis?

Maybe because he was overthinking this. Maybe because he was simply too caught up in how fast everything just happened that he couldn't see clearly that things didn't need to change. His mind was working overtime trying to make sense of something that already made sense, yet just couldn't seem to grapple with what just happened.

Letting out another sigh, House opened his eyes again and peered back out to the water, and stared. He stared and stared until he felt his reeling mind starting to slow down, and he felt inwardly less shaky. He'd probably been out there for at least ten, maybe fifteen minutes before he finally pushed away from the railing, feeling calmer. Still stunned somewhat, but calmer all the same. He unhooked his cane and stepped back from the railing, and began to head towards the cabin. Ducking his head in, he met Wilson's eyes and gave him a thin-lipped smile before he concentrated on lowering himself down the stairs carefully.

"Food smells good," he declared, tossing his cane onto the unoccupied bunk before he took up his plate and sat down next to Wilson. He flashed him another grin, a relaxed one, which showed that he, for now, was more relaxed than he was up on the deck. Not completely relaxed. But enough.

"Thank god for Meclizine," he remarked as he looked down to his food, spooning up a forkful, "or you'd be suffering the wrath of my discomfort from seasickness."

[dr_j_wilson]

Relieved that House appeared to be somewhat back to normal, Wilson relaxed a little more too. “I’m just grateful that you’re not sick in the first place, let alone worrying about your wrath,” Wilson said, forking up some more pasta salad.

It changed things, Wilson realised, now that he knew for sure how House felt. It made him less concerned about other things, like the issues with his parents and having to hide their relationship. He also felt freer to think about their future, as a ‘couple’ rather than two best friends who were in some kind of relationship and didn’t really know what they were doing.

What was their future? Could he move back in with House? Would House want that? Wilson wasn’t sure himself that he wanted that. House’s apartment at least had been tainted a little with what had happened with the hooker and the fights between them. Not that there weren’t a lot of good memories as well, though. Wilson stifled a sigh; either way, living together again was probably not going to happen for a while yet.

“I thought we could put the movie on, if you want,” Wilson said, forcing himself back into the present and glancing over at House. The present was what really mattered.