Of Loving and Letting Go, Part 3 for Lacebird
Title: Of Loving and Letting Go, Part 3
Author: arysthaeniru
Recipient: lacebird
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Yukimura being himself, mentions of sex
Summary: Being an elementary schoolteacher means that you make a lot of sacrifices and compromises. Not every sacrifice is necessarily completely altruistic, in Yukimura’s case.
Notes (if required): Yukimura/Sanada, hints of past Yukimura/Shiraishi. I tried my hardest to make feudal japan be a thing but it didn’t work with fluff, so here’s some grown-up fluff.
Yukimura flicked the page of the book he was reading and turned the corner of the library. It was a pretty fascinating book, which led Yukimura to not notice the other person rounding the corner, until their heads collided. Yukimura fell backwards with a thump, as his book went flying and he heard the other person curse, in a familiar voice.
Yukimura looked up with a start and frowned a little, upon seeing Shiraishi there. “Kuranosuke...” he said, before he could stop himself and say his name in the more formal way. He quickly shut up and frowned a little more. It was more weakness than he’d ever wanted to show.
Shiraishi coloured a little, as he scrambled to his feet and offered Yukimura a hand up. “Seiichi.” he said, his voice a little chagrined. “I apologize, I wasn’t looking where I was going and I was going too fast.”
“No, it was my fault. I was reading and walking.” said Yukimura, shaking the hand off, as he picked up his book and tucked it into his messenger bag.
“I see, if you say so.” Shiraishi glanced at him and there was a slightly awkward silence. “You want to go and grab a coffee, Seiichi?” he asked. “If you’re...free that is.”
Yukimura hesitated. Meeting with your ex without other people along was supposed to be a faux-pas, wasn’t it? Still, they had mutually split with no hard feelings and Yukimura was confident he wouldn’t fall for Shiraishi again. “Sure. I’m not busy.” he said, as he started to walk away towards the exit of the library.
Shiraishi fell into easy step next to him and for a moment, Yukimura felt it was like old times. They had both loved the library and the stories waiting to be told therein. But it wasn’t.
“How’s life been?” asked Shiraishi, when they exited the library and headed into the coffee shop across the street.
“The usual. The kids are as tiring as ever and my plants are doing well. Not much changed.” said Yukimura, as he tucked his hands into his pockets and glanced up at the coffee display. Mocha looked good. “You?” he asked, turning to glance at Shiraishi’s sharp face.
“I got a new job. I work at the night-club now, which is refreshing. And I...well, I got a new boyfriend.” he said, with a slight hesitation, as if he were expecting Yukimura to react unfavourably.
Instead, Yukimura beamed. It was nice to know that Shiraishi had moved on, it gave him more hope for finding someone that wasn’t tall, dark and stoic. “Who is it? Where’d you meet him? I want all the details.” he said, with a slightly anticipatory smirk, as he leant onto the counter and gave the barista his order.
Shiraishi looked slightly delighted as he too gave his order and they took a seat by the window. “His name’s Oshitari Kenya. Hospital intern by day, bartender by night.” he said, with a slight laugh. “I met him when I was getting into my new job. He’s very funny and sweet and takes life in the fast lane.”
Yukimura laughed. “Hence the speed-walking in the library?” he asked, as he fiddled with his scarf.
“Hence the speed-walking in the library.” confirmed Shiraishi, with a laugh. “I’ve gotten so used to matching his walking pace so he doesn’t leave me in the dust.”
“Shorter or taller?” asked Yukimura, with an amused look. Shiraishi was the sort who enjoyed thrills but took life at his own pace. It was somebody who was quite wrapped up in their speed who could change Shiraishi’s pace entirely.
“Shorter.” said Shiraishi, with a slightly bemused expression, as he leant back in his chair, his limbs sprawling everywhere.
“Are you just sure that you didn’t slow down?” teased Yukimura, with a slight laugh. “You are a tired-out old man.”
“If I’m old and tired, what does that make you when you’re slower than me; decrepit?” asked Shiraishi, with a slight twinkle to his eyes. Yanagi just protested Yukimura’s teasing but Shiraishi had always fought back. They had always been too similar, but they’d enjoyed the challenge in each other.
Tossing back his head, Yukimura laughed, lowly and softly. “He must be quite something, huh?” he said, with a small smile. “I’d tell you to introduce me, but I’m not sure that would go along too well.”
Shiraishi smiled, apprehensively. “Kenya’s possessive because he doesn’t think that I deserve to be with someone like him. It wouldn’t end very well for his self-esteem.”
Yukimura shrugged. “You should tell him that people often get more than they think they deserve.” he said, with a small sigh. “And people also get a lot less then they feel they deserve, too.”
“How wise. Did Yanagi-kun tell you that?” prodded Shiraishi, with a smirk.
“No, surprisingly. I managed to discover it on my own. Would you believe it?” asked Yukimura, with a short laugh, as the barista headed their way over and handed them their coffee. “Good things don’t always happen to bad people and bad things don’t just happen to good people, that’s what I learned with my illness. Life is complicated.” He took a deep sip of the coffee and let out a contented sigh as the heat ran through his throat into his stomach.
Shiraishi chuckled at Yukimura’s sigh. “You were always in a better mood after coffee. That’s why I brought you coffee when I wanted to go out and do something.” he said, with a small laugh. “Remember when I coerced you to go out to the Botanical Gardens and we got kicked out for PDA?”
“It was a cappuccino with three shots of coffee and whipped cream. How could I forgot?” teased Yukimura, as Shiraishi gave him a mock-angry look.
“You always were the most beautiful in gardens and happier with life.” said Shiraishi, with a soft glance and a languid sip of his drink.
Yukimura frowned and pulled himself a little tighter together, as if putting on his armour again. That was a low blow, when Yukimura had just started to relax in Shiraishi’s presence. “You’re doing Oshitari-san an injustice.” said Yukimura, firmly. “You shouldn’t relive old loves when you’re in love with someone else.”
“Why not?” asked Shiraishi, calmly. “Every time you fall in love, every single one, you change, and usually for the better. For all the things that people say about love being about accepting somebody for who they are, it’s also about compromises, and changing so you co-exist better. Love is a give-take thing. You made me a better person and I made you a better person. Why would I want to forget that?”
Yukimura paused a little, hiding it in another sip of coffee. It was profound, more than Yukimura really wanted to think about, when he’d spent the past four months trying to forget Shiraishi in every way. “Even stupid crushes?” he asked skeptically.
“Even stupid crushes.” said Shiraishi, with a laugh. “I told you about that crush I had on this one girl in the trance dance club, right? She was so out of my league, but I tried to change for her, and improved my dance skills for her. And even though she never noticed me, I improved and became a good enough dancer to snag someone more lasting.”
Yukimura pulled a face and took another sip of coffee. “My little sister had a crush on a fictional character. I don’t think that helped her in any way, except being delusional.” he argued.
Shiraishi gave a bemused laugh. “Some things never change, you never like to be wrong.” he said, as he placed his cup down. “But you have changed a little. You’re a lot more...not patient, you were always quite patient. But there’s something more anticipatory. It’s a good thing.” he reassured, upon seeing Yukimura’s slightly skeptical face.
“I’ll take your word for it.” said Yukimura dryly, as he crossed his legs and glanced out the window. It was a nice day. He wondered what Sanada was doing now, if he wasn’t with Akaya. Maybe Shiraishi was right. Everyone changed a little when they fell for people. He thought Shiraishi was wrong, maybe it was patience that he had gained.
But maybe it was also a detachment from it. He no longer had those days where everything reminded him of Shiraishi. Perhaps watching Sanada and Akaya from afar had allowed him to realize how to move on and keep living. It was a good thing to learn, really.
(X)
The sun was bright and the skies were clear. It was Obon and Yukimura was sure that the dead were celebrating with the living. If only he was Buddhist. Still, a national holiday was always fun and the carnivals were always worth a visit, if only to waste some time and money. It was the school holidays anyway, it wasn’t like Yukimura had anything to do but harass the art museum patrons, by pretending to be an employee.
So it was with an elaborate yukata that Yukimura cheerfully stepped out into Tokyo to celebrate the Obon. The parades were fun, but the real attraction was in the carnivals afterwards. Sometimes, Yukimura wondered what would happen if he just set up court himself, as a painter of caricatures and painted the scene of the busy carnival in his spare time.
It probably wouldn’t work, but it was an idea, to rid himself of boredom.
“Yukimura-sensei!” called a childish voice and Yukimura spun around, curiously, stopping in the middle of the jostling crowd. His eyes widened and he almost stepped back at the sight of Akaya in the arms of Sanada and his mother. The trio had, however, already spotted him and it would be pointless to just run away.
Instead, Yukimura plastered on his teacher’s smile and approached them, elbowing through a few people to reach the slight corner. where the crowd of people hadn’t quite invaded. “Hello Akaya-kun. Sanada-kun. Sanada-san.” he said, as he bowed towards the trio. The mother reciprocated and Sanada bowed, bringing a giggling Akaya with him.
“How are you enjoying your holiday, hmm?” asked Yukimura, with a soft eye-smile, directing his question to his student.
“It’s been really fun! Daddy won me a fish!” Akaya enthused, holding up a fish in a sack. Yukimura didn’t miss the fond look in Sanada’s eyes as he watched his son, which only unearthed more questions. “Do you like the festival too, Yukimura-sensei?” the curly-haired boy asked, with a curious look. Yukata didn’t really suit him, but he did look extraordinarily cute.
Yukimura smiled softly, as he folded his hands into his sleeves. “Obon is a very fun festival. Though, I must say, Tanabata will always be my favourite.”
“The tale of the separated lovers? Are you a romantic perchance, Yukimura-kun?” asked Sanada’s mother, with a slight smile.
Yukimura’s smile almost faltered at the slightly knowing look in her eyes, but he refused to get intimidated by something like that. Yanagi always used that and she was hardly a data master. What did she know, anyway? “I’ve been called that before, Sanada-san. But I never believed it myself.” he said, politely, as he nodded to her. “Tanabata’s festival is always a little more extravagant, that’s all.”
Akaya dropped out of Sanada’s arms and hugged Yukimura around the legs, which caught all three of the adults by surprise. “I miss being after-school with you, sensei.” he said, with a slight pout. “You’re really fun.”
Yukimura’s face softened a little and he ruffled Akaya’s curls fondly. “I’m still your teacher, you know. I see you every day. Come talk to me a little, hmm?” he asked, with a light smile.
Akaya pulled away from his legs and nodded eagerly, before turning to his grandmother. “Grandma, grandma, can we get some candyfloss?” he demanded, tugging on the edge of her kimono. “I’m hungry!”
Sanada looked like he was about to say something, but the other two almost immediately got swept up in the crowd, leaving Yukimura and Sanada alone. They stared at each other for a few seconds in silence, before hurriedly looking away. Yukimura had to resist the urge to flush.
Damn, but Sanada looked very attractive in the formal yukata. If he’d thought that Sanada had looked good in a suit, he looked even better in the traditional japanese wear, with the fabric pulling against his broad shoulders and the slight glimpse of his collarbones through the cloth....he wasn’t doing this. He was over with this man. Done. No matter what Shiraishi said about reliving past loves, it didn’t do Yukimura any good.
He licked his lips nervously and smiled blandly, again. The dreams had stopped. He didn't have any connection with him, anymore. “I’ll be going now.” he said, quietly as he raised a hand and made to leave.
“I took your advice.” said Sanada, hurriedly, his voice a little louder. “I talked to Akaya, for an hour or two. Just sat and talked with him. You were right. I didn’t know anything about him.”
Yukimura stopped and looked up, meeting Sanada’s gaze with a little surprise. What?
“I didn’t know about his friends, his feelings or even that he was one of the best in his class.” said Sanada, swallowing a little, his eyes looking deeply at Yukimura. “So I quit, the next day. It wasn’t right for me, I hated it. It was only ever for the money.”
“You...” started Yukimura with a slight frown, that smoothed out into a soft snort as the words properly registered. Assumptions made an ass out of you and me. Wasn’t that the english phrase that Yanagi liked to use sometimes? Data, data, data. “You never returned to the school. I assumed...”
Sanada’s eyes widened a little, and shook his head, as he crossed his arms across his chest, a deeper frown spreading across his face. Yukimura had to pull his eyes away from the sight he cut. “No, I couldn’t choose work. Akaya’s...Akaya’s my everything. Since his mother died...” he trailed off, with a slight sigh. “He’s my whole world. It’s just my job’s hours are right when it’s time to pick up Akaya from school, since I work for my brother’s dojo.”
Yukimura smiled sadly, and firmly planted his hands by his sides, rather than coming up to console him, like he would have done with anyone else. The dreams had stopped, and this was confirmation that Sanada was straight. He had to keep reminding himself of that. “I’m sorry for your loss. You must have loved her a lot.”
Sanada shrugged a little, his face a little wry. “It is rather difficult to love someone you only just met. We were friends.”
Yukimura nodded, as he realized what Sanada meant. “Omiai.” he said, like a cannon in the quiet. “You were arranged to marry.”
Sanada nodded once, as his eyes flickered to the candyfloss stalls where several families were trying to purchase sacks for greedy hands. “It was difficult to raise Akaya alone, he’s quite the handful. I would have appreciated her there. But then...I don’t think he would be my world, if she was still here.”
“Children can still be your world, even if you have a partner and even when you don’t.” said Yukimura, with a soft smile, as he adjusted his fan in his obi, as he watched Akaya pick up a bag and cheerfully munch on the sugary confectionary. “I’ve seen it often, both ways.”
Sanada turned to look at him, with something very hesitant. Yukimura turned around, after a few moments of feeling the stare out of his peripheral vision. “Yes?” he asked, delicately. He was a little disappointed that Sanada had become silent; that deep voice was still very affecting, even if Yukimura had removed all hope of getting Sanada to be his.
“That thing I was thinking, when I first met you.” Sanada said, shutting his eyes, with a deep frown. “It was that you looked like the most stunning person that I‘d ever met.”
Yukimura’s face froze a little as he turned to look at Sanada. “You really don’t trust my plants, do you?” asked Yukimura, faintly, with a slightly dry smile to deflect his feelings of shock and surprise for a moment. “How is this any more private, hmm?”
Sanada scowled a little at him. “There’s more anonymity in a crowd.” he said, with a slight frown. “That’s what my grandfather always said.”
Yukimura remembered that proverb, from a summer’s day that had never happened. Maybe it was fate, those dreams. Maybe it was a way to better understand the other man. He would have never wanted to get to know Sanada so much, had there not been the dreams. Sanada would have just been another attractive man.
This was evidence that Sanada wasn’t straight. Had Yukimura been imagining the mixed signals?
“So there is.” said Yukimura, with a slight nod. “In that case, I have an apology to make to you. I never meant to be quite so harsh towards you. I will not retract my words, but I never meant to harm. I can lose my temper, sometimes, when it comes to my kids.”
Sanada nodded, with a slightly wan smile and a wary look in his eyes. “I needed it, Yukimura-kun. I have been known to be stubborn without a reason or an instigation to change. but I accept your apology.”
“I’m not usually apologetic to parents of kids, for lecturing them.” said Yukimura, stepping a little closer, until only a couple of feet separated them. “But you were always an exception when it came to feelings towards parents.” he breathed, softly, as he pressed his hands to the front of Sanada’s yukata.
A part of him said this was a bad idea. But Shiraishi’s words came back to Yukimura, about how someone grew in character and in life experience when they were in love and that every experience was worth it. Sanada was not straight, Sanada was attracted to him and Akaya didn’t hate him. These were favourable signs. And Sanada wasn’t his whole world, he had distance from Sanada, and that was okay.
Sanada’s arms slipped around his waist, where they fitted snugly. The heat from Sanada’s skin felt comforting. “I suspected that it wasn’t protocol for a teacher to make dinner for a parent.” he said, slightly smugly.
“Just a little. But I’ve never been afraid to break the rules.” said Yukimura, with a slight smile, as he pressed up on his toes to press a soft kiss to Sanada’s lips. It wasn’t fireworks, like it had been with Shiraishi, but it was more like coming home, which was what Yukimura had needed most.
(X)
“Point, Yukimura. 40-15.” said Yanagi, with a slight confused look. Sanada, from the opposite side of the net, shot Yukimura a slightly pensive look and Yukimura smiled angelically as he twirled the racket between his hands.
“You’re sure you haven’t played this game before?” asked Sanada, as he fished another ball from his pocket and started bouncing it against the court.
“Once with Renji. But I never really liked the sport that much.” said Yukimura, with a slight laugh.
“Because you were very bad at it.” commented Yanagi, with a slight grimace.
Sanada tossed the ball up, in a serve that felt familiar. Yukimura judged that it would land by the baseline and he run back with a grin and lobbed it up, past Sanada’s head, where he’d ran for a serve-and-volley. If his dream-self was right about all these stupid tennis terms.
Sanada gaped as the ball rolled to a halt against the wall, where it had completely bypassed him. Yanagi grinned a little and hopped down from the umpire’s seat. “Game set, Yukimura, 6-3.”
Yukimura grinned cockily as he propped his racket over his shoulder and walked over the bench at the side of the court they’d booked. “Want to go again. Sanada?” he asked, cheerily.
In response, Sanada rolled his eyes and threw the remnants of his water bottle at Yukimura. Feeling a little bit of deja-vu from another life, Yukimura caught a few drops of water in his mouth, before drinking from his own water bottle. He snuck a little bit of a glance at Sanada towelling himself off; the slight glimpses of his very toned skin was always worth it.
“How are you that good, Seiichi?” asked Yanagi, as he adjusted his shirt and fanned himself a little.
“Beginner’s luck, I suppose.” said Yukimura, with a slight shrug. “Or Sanada’s just worse than you thought.”
“Sensei was way better than you, daddy!” said Akaya as he ran up to them, with a half-melted ice-cream in his hands and a pair of thick glasses perched on his nose. “Aren’t you supposed to be like 80.6% better?” he asked, with a smirk.
Yanagi plucked the glasses off Akaya’s nose with a slightly amused look and returned them to the rather confused looking Inui, who was following Akaya from outside of the court. Inui looked quite grateful to get them back, judging by the kiss that Yanagi got in return for his troubles.
“Yukimura-san, not sensei, remember?” corrected Yukimura, with a slightly sterner look as Akaya followed the glasses with a pout. “I’m only sensei in school.”
“I’d like to see you do better than me, Akaya.” said Sanada, gruffly, as he picked up Akaya, who was squirming to get away from Sanada, having recently realized that being picked up wasn’t cool. As he squirmed to get away and begged mercy, Yukimura laughed softly, his smile almost splitting his face in two.
“Oh!” said Akaya, with a slight pout. “The ice-cream..” he said, as he stared at the destroyed cone which had slipped out of his hand with his struggling.
“Shall we get you another cone, Akaya-kun?” asked Yanagi, with a small smile.
“Yeeah! And you and Inui-san can tell me more about the data!” said Akaya, as he took Yanagi and Inui’s hands, happily leaving Sanada and Yukimura behind.
Yukimura tossed Sanada an amused look, as he snuck his arm around the other man. “For someone who spends his whole day doing physical exercise, I’m surprised you didn’t turn the game into one of stamina.” he said, mildly.
Sanada pulled Yukimura closer, until Yukimura’s head was resting against Sanada’s collarbone. “I could have, but that wouldn’t have been fair to you. You only ran for sports in school...and you had that illness...not to mention, it’s too warm today.” said Sanada, with a small frown.
“Next time, you’d better play me properly.” said Yukimura, calmly. “Or, I might start thinking your stamina doesn’t exist in bed, either.”
Sanada just shook his head, with a slight smirk. “I think we proved that wasn’t the case last week.” he said, his voice dropping to the low timbre that always set Yukimura on edge.
“Well, I think we need a rematch on both fronts.” purred Yukimura, with a slight smirk.
“Quite.” said Sanada, as he leant down for a slightly charged kiss. Yukimura shut his eyes as he leant into it. Whether or not it lasted, he was enjoying it now.
Author: arysthaeniru
Recipient: lacebird
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Yukimura being himself, mentions of sex
Summary: Being an elementary schoolteacher means that you make a lot of sacrifices and compromises. Not every sacrifice is necessarily completely altruistic, in Yukimura’s case.
Notes (if required): Yukimura/Sanada, hints of past Yukimura/Shiraishi. I tried my hardest to make feudal japan be a thing but it didn’t work with fluff, so here’s some grown-up fluff.
Yukimura flicked the page of the book he was reading and turned the corner of the library. It was a pretty fascinating book, which led Yukimura to not notice the other person rounding the corner, until their heads collided. Yukimura fell backwards with a thump, as his book went flying and he heard the other person curse, in a familiar voice.
Yukimura looked up with a start and frowned a little, upon seeing Shiraishi there. “Kuranosuke...” he said, before he could stop himself and say his name in the more formal way. He quickly shut up and frowned a little more. It was more weakness than he’d ever wanted to show.
Shiraishi coloured a little, as he scrambled to his feet and offered Yukimura a hand up. “Seiichi.” he said, his voice a little chagrined. “I apologize, I wasn’t looking where I was going and I was going too fast.”
“No, it was my fault. I was reading and walking.” said Yukimura, shaking the hand off, as he picked up his book and tucked it into his messenger bag.
“I see, if you say so.” Shiraishi glanced at him and there was a slightly awkward silence. “You want to go and grab a coffee, Seiichi?” he asked. “If you’re...free that is.”
Yukimura hesitated. Meeting with your ex without other people along was supposed to be a faux-pas, wasn’t it? Still, they had mutually split with no hard feelings and Yukimura was confident he wouldn’t fall for Shiraishi again. “Sure. I’m not busy.” he said, as he started to walk away towards the exit of the library.
Shiraishi fell into easy step next to him and for a moment, Yukimura felt it was like old times. They had both loved the library and the stories waiting to be told therein. But it wasn’t.
“How’s life been?” asked Shiraishi, when they exited the library and headed into the coffee shop across the street.
“The usual. The kids are as tiring as ever and my plants are doing well. Not much changed.” said Yukimura, as he tucked his hands into his pockets and glanced up at the coffee display. Mocha looked good. “You?” he asked, turning to glance at Shiraishi’s sharp face.
“I got a new job. I work at the night-club now, which is refreshing. And I...well, I got a new boyfriend.” he said, with a slight hesitation, as if he were expecting Yukimura to react unfavourably.
Instead, Yukimura beamed. It was nice to know that Shiraishi had moved on, it gave him more hope for finding someone that wasn’t tall, dark and stoic. “Who is it? Where’d you meet him? I want all the details.” he said, with a slightly anticipatory smirk, as he leant onto the counter and gave the barista his order.
Shiraishi looked slightly delighted as he too gave his order and they took a seat by the window. “His name’s Oshitari Kenya. Hospital intern by day, bartender by night.” he said, with a slight laugh. “I met him when I was getting into my new job. He’s very funny and sweet and takes life in the fast lane.”
Yukimura laughed. “Hence the speed-walking in the library?” he asked, as he fiddled with his scarf.
“Hence the speed-walking in the library.” confirmed Shiraishi, with a laugh. “I’ve gotten so used to matching his walking pace so he doesn’t leave me in the dust.”
“Shorter or taller?” asked Yukimura, with an amused look. Shiraishi was the sort who enjoyed thrills but took life at his own pace. It was somebody who was quite wrapped up in their speed who could change Shiraishi’s pace entirely.
“Shorter.” said Shiraishi, with a slightly bemused expression, as he leant back in his chair, his limbs sprawling everywhere.
“Are you just sure that you didn’t slow down?” teased Yukimura, with a slight laugh. “You are a tired-out old man.”
“If I’m old and tired, what does that make you when you’re slower than me; decrepit?” asked Shiraishi, with a slight twinkle to his eyes. Yanagi just protested Yukimura’s teasing but Shiraishi had always fought back. They had always been too similar, but they’d enjoyed the challenge in each other.
Tossing back his head, Yukimura laughed, lowly and softly. “He must be quite something, huh?” he said, with a small smile. “I’d tell you to introduce me, but I’m not sure that would go along too well.”
Shiraishi smiled, apprehensively. “Kenya’s possessive because he doesn’t think that I deserve to be with someone like him. It wouldn’t end very well for his self-esteem.”
Yukimura shrugged. “You should tell him that people often get more than they think they deserve.” he said, with a small sigh. “And people also get a lot less then they feel they deserve, too.”
“How wise. Did Yanagi-kun tell you that?” prodded Shiraishi, with a smirk.
“No, surprisingly. I managed to discover it on my own. Would you believe it?” asked Yukimura, with a short laugh, as the barista headed their way over and handed them their coffee. “Good things don’t always happen to bad people and bad things don’t just happen to good people, that’s what I learned with my illness. Life is complicated.” He took a deep sip of the coffee and let out a contented sigh as the heat ran through his throat into his stomach.
Shiraishi chuckled at Yukimura’s sigh. “You were always in a better mood after coffee. That’s why I brought you coffee when I wanted to go out and do something.” he said, with a small laugh. “Remember when I coerced you to go out to the Botanical Gardens and we got kicked out for PDA?”
“It was a cappuccino with three shots of coffee and whipped cream. How could I forgot?” teased Yukimura, as Shiraishi gave him a mock-angry look.
“You always were the most beautiful in gardens and happier with life.” said Shiraishi, with a soft glance and a languid sip of his drink.
Yukimura frowned and pulled himself a little tighter together, as if putting on his armour again. That was a low blow, when Yukimura had just started to relax in Shiraishi’s presence. “You’re doing Oshitari-san an injustice.” said Yukimura, firmly. “You shouldn’t relive old loves when you’re in love with someone else.”
“Why not?” asked Shiraishi, calmly. “Every time you fall in love, every single one, you change, and usually for the better. For all the things that people say about love being about accepting somebody for who they are, it’s also about compromises, and changing so you co-exist better. Love is a give-take thing. You made me a better person and I made you a better person. Why would I want to forget that?”
Yukimura paused a little, hiding it in another sip of coffee. It was profound, more than Yukimura really wanted to think about, when he’d spent the past four months trying to forget Shiraishi in every way. “Even stupid crushes?” he asked skeptically.
“Even stupid crushes.” said Shiraishi, with a laugh. “I told you about that crush I had on this one girl in the trance dance club, right? She was so out of my league, but I tried to change for her, and improved my dance skills for her. And even though she never noticed me, I improved and became a good enough dancer to snag someone more lasting.”
Yukimura pulled a face and took another sip of coffee. “My little sister had a crush on a fictional character. I don’t think that helped her in any way, except being delusional.” he argued.
Shiraishi gave a bemused laugh. “Some things never change, you never like to be wrong.” he said, as he placed his cup down. “But you have changed a little. You’re a lot more...not patient, you were always quite patient. But there’s something more anticipatory. It’s a good thing.” he reassured, upon seeing Yukimura’s slightly skeptical face.
“I’ll take your word for it.” said Yukimura dryly, as he crossed his legs and glanced out the window. It was a nice day. He wondered what Sanada was doing now, if he wasn’t with Akaya. Maybe Shiraishi was right. Everyone changed a little when they fell for people. He thought Shiraishi was wrong, maybe it was patience that he had gained.
But maybe it was also a detachment from it. He no longer had those days where everything reminded him of Shiraishi. Perhaps watching Sanada and Akaya from afar had allowed him to realize how to move on and keep living. It was a good thing to learn, really.
(X)
The sun was bright and the skies were clear. It was Obon and Yukimura was sure that the dead were celebrating with the living. If only he was Buddhist. Still, a national holiday was always fun and the carnivals were always worth a visit, if only to waste some time and money. It was the school holidays anyway, it wasn’t like Yukimura had anything to do but harass the art museum patrons, by pretending to be an employee.
So it was with an elaborate yukata that Yukimura cheerfully stepped out into Tokyo to celebrate the Obon. The parades were fun, but the real attraction was in the carnivals afterwards. Sometimes, Yukimura wondered what would happen if he just set up court himself, as a painter of caricatures and painted the scene of the busy carnival in his spare time.
It probably wouldn’t work, but it was an idea, to rid himself of boredom.
“Yukimura-sensei!” called a childish voice and Yukimura spun around, curiously, stopping in the middle of the jostling crowd. His eyes widened and he almost stepped back at the sight of Akaya in the arms of Sanada and his mother. The trio had, however, already spotted him and it would be pointless to just run away.
Instead, Yukimura plastered on his teacher’s smile and approached them, elbowing through a few people to reach the slight corner. where the crowd of people hadn’t quite invaded. “Hello Akaya-kun. Sanada-kun. Sanada-san.” he said, as he bowed towards the trio. The mother reciprocated and Sanada bowed, bringing a giggling Akaya with him.
“How are you enjoying your holiday, hmm?” asked Yukimura, with a soft eye-smile, directing his question to his student.
“It’s been really fun! Daddy won me a fish!” Akaya enthused, holding up a fish in a sack. Yukimura didn’t miss the fond look in Sanada’s eyes as he watched his son, which only unearthed more questions. “Do you like the festival too, Yukimura-sensei?” the curly-haired boy asked, with a curious look. Yukata didn’t really suit him, but he did look extraordinarily cute.
Yukimura smiled softly, as he folded his hands into his sleeves. “Obon is a very fun festival. Though, I must say, Tanabata will always be my favourite.”
“The tale of the separated lovers? Are you a romantic perchance, Yukimura-kun?” asked Sanada’s mother, with a slight smile.
Yukimura’s smile almost faltered at the slightly knowing look in her eyes, but he refused to get intimidated by something like that. Yanagi always used that and she was hardly a data master. What did she know, anyway? “I’ve been called that before, Sanada-san. But I never believed it myself.” he said, politely, as he nodded to her. “Tanabata’s festival is always a little more extravagant, that’s all.”
Akaya dropped out of Sanada’s arms and hugged Yukimura around the legs, which caught all three of the adults by surprise. “I miss being after-school with you, sensei.” he said, with a slight pout. “You’re really fun.”
Yukimura’s face softened a little and he ruffled Akaya’s curls fondly. “I’m still your teacher, you know. I see you every day. Come talk to me a little, hmm?” he asked, with a light smile.
Akaya pulled away from his legs and nodded eagerly, before turning to his grandmother. “Grandma, grandma, can we get some candyfloss?” he demanded, tugging on the edge of her kimono. “I’m hungry!”
Sanada looked like he was about to say something, but the other two almost immediately got swept up in the crowd, leaving Yukimura and Sanada alone. They stared at each other for a few seconds in silence, before hurriedly looking away. Yukimura had to resist the urge to flush.
Damn, but Sanada looked very attractive in the formal yukata. If he’d thought that Sanada had looked good in a suit, he looked even better in the traditional japanese wear, with the fabric pulling against his broad shoulders and the slight glimpse of his collarbones through the cloth....he wasn’t doing this. He was over with this man. Done. No matter what Shiraishi said about reliving past loves, it didn’t do Yukimura any good.
He licked his lips nervously and smiled blandly, again. The dreams had stopped. He didn't have any connection with him, anymore. “I’ll be going now.” he said, quietly as he raised a hand and made to leave.
“I took your advice.” said Sanada, hurriedly, his voice a little louder. “I talked to Akaya, for an hour or two. Just sat and talked with him. You were right. I didn’t know anything about him.”
Yukimura stopped and looked up, meeting Sanada’s gaze with a little surprise. What?
“I didn’t know about his friends, his feelings or even that he was one of the best in his class.” said Sanada, swallowing a little, his eyes looking deeply at Yukimura. “So I quit, the next day. It wasn’t right for me, I hated it. It was only ever for the money.”
“You...” started Yukimura with a slight frown, that smoothed out into a soft snort as the words properly registered. Assumptions made an ass out of you and me. Wasn’t that the english phrase that Yanagi liked to use sometimes? Data, data, data. “You never returned to the school. I assumed...”
Sanada’s eyes widened a little, and shook his head, as he crossed his arms across his chest, a deeper frown spreading across his face. Yukimura had to pull his eyes away from the sight he cut. “No, I couldn’t choose work. Akaya’s...Akaya’s my everything. Since his mother died...” he trailed off, with a slight sigh. “He’s my whole world. It’s just my job’s hours are right when it’s time to pick up Akaya from school, since I work for my brother’s dojo.”
Yukimura smiled sadly, and firmly planted his hands by his sides, rather than coming up to console him, like he would have done with anyone else. The dreams had stopped, and this was confirmation that Sanada was straight. He had to keep reminding himself of that. “I’m sorry for your loss. You must have loved her a lot.”
Sanada shrugged a little, his face a little wry. “It is rather difficult to love someone you only just met. We were friends.”
Yukimura nodded, as he realized what Sanada meant. “Omiai.” he said, like a cannon in the quiet. “You were arranged to marry.”
Sanada nodded once, as his eyes flickered to the candyfloss stalls where several families were trying to purchase sacks for greedy hands. “It was difficult to raise Akaya alone, he’s quite the handful. I would have appreciated her there. But then...I don’t think he would be my world, if she was still here.”
“Children can still be your world, even if you have a partner and even when you don’t.” said Yukimura, with a soft smile, as he adjusted his fan in his obi, as he watched Akaya pick up a bag and cheerfully munch on the sugary confectionary. “I’ve seen it often, both ways.”
Sanada turned to look at him, with something very hesitant. Yukimura turned around, after a few moments of feeling the stare out of his peripheral vision. “Yes?” he asked, delicately. He was a little disappointed that Sanada had become silent; that deep voice was still very affecting, even if Yukimura had removed all hope of getting Sanada to be his.
“That thing I was thinking, when I first met you.” Sanada said, shutting his eyes, with a deep frown. “It was that you looked like the most stunning person that I‘d ever met.”
Yukimura’s face froze a little as he turned to look at Sanada. “You really don’t trust my plants, do you?” asked Yukimura, faintly, with a slightly dry smile to deflect his feelings of shock and surprise for a moment. “How is this any more private, hmm?”
Sanada scowled a little at him. “There’s more anonymity in a crowd.” he said, with a slight frown. “That’s what my grandfather always said.”
Yukimura remembered that proverb, from a summer’s day that had never happened. Maybe it was fate, those dreams. Maybe it was a way to better understand the other man. He would have never wanted to get to know Sanada so much, had there not been the dreams. Sanada would have just been another attractive man.
This was evidence that Sanada wasn’t straight. Had Yukimura been imagining the mixed signals?
“So there is.” said Yukimura, with a slight nod. “In that case, I have an apology to make to you. I never meant to be quite so harsh towards you. I will not retract my words, but I never meant to harm. I can lose my temper, sometimes, when it comes to my kids.”
Sanada nodded, with a slightly wan smile and a wary look in his eyes. “I needed it, Yukimura-kun. I have been known to be stubborn without a reason or an instigation to change. but I accept your apology.”
“I’m not usually apologetic to parents of kids, for lecturing them.” said Yukimura, stepping a little closer, until only a couple of feet separated them. “But you were always an exception when it came to feelings towards parents.” he breathed, softly, as he pressed his hands to the front of Sanada’s yukata.
A part of him said this was a bad idea. But Shiraishi’s words came back to Yukimura, about how someone grew in character and in life experience when they were in love and that every experience was worth it. Sanada was not straight, Sanada was attracted to him and Akaya didn’t hate him. These were favourable signs. And Sanada wasn’t his whole world, he had distance from Sanada, and that was okay.
Sanada’s arms slipped around his waist, where they fitted snugly. The heat from Sanada’s skin felt comforting. “I suspected that it wasn’t protocol for a teacher to make dinner for a parent.” he said, slightly smugly.
“Just a little. But I’ve never been afraid to break the rules.” said Yukimura, with a slight smile, as he pressed up on his toes to press a soft kiss to Sanada’s lips. It wasn’t fireworks, like it had been with Shiraishi, but it was more like coming home, which was what Yukimura had needed most.
(X)
“Point, Yukimura. 40-15.” said Yanagi, with a slight confused look. Sanada, from the opposite side of the net, shot Yukimura a slightly pensive look and Yukimura smiled angelically as he twirled the racket between his hands.
“You’re sure you haven’t played this game before?” asked Sanada, as he fished another ball from his pocket and started bouncing it against the court.
“Once with Renji. But I never really liked the sport that much.” said Yukimura, with a slight laugh.
“Because you were very bad at it.” commented Yanagi, with a slight grimace.
Sanada tossed the ball up, in a serve that felt familiar. Yukimura judged that it would land by the baseline and he run back with a grin and lobbed it up, past Sanada’s head, where he’d ran for a serve-and-volley. If his dream-self was right about all these stupid tennis terms.
Sanada gaped as the ball rolled to a halt against the wall, where it had completely bypassed him. Yanagi grinned a little and hopped down from the umpire’s seat. “Game set, Yukimura, 6-3.”
Yukimura grinned cockily as he propped his racket over his shoulder and walked over the bench at the side of the court they’d booked. “Want to go again. Sanada?” he asked, cheerily.
In response, Sanada rolled his eyes and threw the remnants of his water bottle at Yukimura. Feeling a little bit of deja-vu from another life, Yukimura caught a few drops of water in his mouth, before drinking from his own water bottle. He snuck a little bit of a glance at Sanada towelling himself off; the slight glimpses of his very toned skin was always worth it.
“How are you that good, Seiichi?” asked Yanagi, as he adjusted his shirt and fanned himself a little.
“Beginner’s luck, I suppose.” said Yukimura, with a slight shrug. “Or Sanada’s just worse than you thought.”
“Sensei was way better than you, daddy!” said Akaya as he ran up to them, with a half-melted ice-cream in his hands and a pair of thick glasses perched on his nose. “Aren’t you supposed to be like 80.6% better?” he asked, with a smirk.
Yanagi plucked the glasses off Akaya’s nose with a slightly amused look and returned them to the rather confused looking Inui, who was following Akaya from outside of the court. Inui looked quite grateful to get them back, judging by the kiss that Yanagi got in return for his troubles.
“Yukimura-san, not sensei, remember?” corrected Yukimura, with a slightly sterner look as Akaya followed the glasses with a pout. “I’m only sensei in school.”
“I’d like to see you do better than me, Akaya.” said Sanada, gruffly, as he picked up Akaya, who was squirming to get away from Sanada, having recently realized that being picked up wasn’t cool. As he squirmed to get away and begged mercy, Yukimura laughed softly, his smile almost splitting his face in two.
“Oh!” said Akaya, with a slight pout. “The ice-cream..” he said, as he stared at the destroyed cone which had slipped out of his hand with his struggling.
“Shall we get you another cone, Akaya-kun?” asked Yanagi, with a small smile.
“Yeeah! And you and Inui-san can tell me more about the data!” said Akaya, as he took Yanagi and Inui’s hands, happily leaving Sanada and Yukimura behind.
Yukimura tossed Sanada an amused look, as he snuck his arm around the other man. “For someone who spends his whole day doing physical exercise, I’m surprised you didn’t turn the game into one of stamina.” he said, mildly.
Sanada pulled Yukimura closer, until Yukimura’s head was resting against Sanada’s collarbone. “I could have, but that wouldn’t have been fair to you. You only ran for sports in school...and you had that illness...not to mention, it’s too warm today.” said Sanada, with a small frown.
“Next time, you’d better play me properly.” said Yukimura, calmly. “Or, I might start thinking your stamina doesn’t exist in bed, either.”
Sanada just shook his head, with a slight smirk. “I think we proved that wasn’t the case last week.” he said, his voice dropping to the low timbre that always set Yukimura on edge.
“Well, I think we need a rematch on both fronts.” purred Yukimura, with a slight smirk.
“Quite.” said Sanada, as he leant down for a slightly charged kiss. Yukimura shut his eyes as he leant into it. Whether or not it lasted, he was enjoying it now.