Goodbye Nanny Kidd...
So yesterday was my great grandmother's funeral. That was the hardest thing ever. It was the third funeral I've been to, but she was the closest to me of all three of them. I started crying before we even parked the car because on the way up to the funeral home you have to pass by her grave. I tried really hard to not lose it. We went into the funeral home and I had myself resolved to teary eyes but no actual tears. But, everyone I looked at made me cry. Then they sent us all (the family) into the room where the visitation had been the day before and the minister came in to pray with us before heading into the chapel. Then we walked down the isle of the chapel, like the mourning parade, I don't really understand why they do that, I mean who really wants to be put on display in their time of mourning? My family managed to fit in one pew which was good, I was scared I was going to have to sit alone when they told us that the pews fit 6 and there were 7 of us. The service was very short, the only person who spoke was the minister. There was no eulogy, which I found rather disappointing. The minister did try to make people think about her life and the good times, but it's hard to think of good times when you're listening to someone who didn't even know her speak. At the end of the service, I started sobbing because they took the coffin down the isle, and I couldn't stop myself. Then we all followed the hearse down to her grave for the burial. Now, I've NEVER been to a burial ever, and my parents told me I didn't have to go, but in my heart I had to go. So, they but her coffin there over the hole and the minister started praying and they started lowering the coffin until the top was level with the ground and there I was sobbing again. They picked up the flowers that had been resting on the coffin and allowed us all to come and take a flower either to rest on the coffin or to take home with us, so I went up and picked a flower with a broken stem, accidentally, knelt down beside her and laid it on her coffin, and tried to say my goodbyes. Then everyone started to walk away, and just leave her there, and this is where I lost it, I couldn't stand to just leave her there, it just felt so wrong. So, here I am, writing about it trying to help myself grieve, but I'm just not ready to let her go.