(no subject)
If last night was all about drunken rage, then this morning was pure despair. I've got work to go to today, but I've missed it - I simply don't see a point in anything today. Don't want to talk to anyone, or have to deal with anyone. It surprised me how easily I opened my eyes this morning and seamlessly carried on with last night's tears. This is bad. This is like a meltdown.
Jacob senses something is wrong, but there's nothing left to talk about. We have rehased this many many times, and I know sitting at the end of all these tears and the gnashing of teeth and endless back and forth discussions like a fat bloated toad is a reasonable, logical, flabby, grey solution. Chin up. I know. So there's no sense to even get into all that talking. I simply can't explain it anymore to Jacob. Either he understands or he doesn't.
And maybe this is me just needing to acknowledge the sadness, instead of psyching it away, nothing more. Nothing to solve. Nothing to pep talk away. I know I know I know. It will get better. But for now, I am here.
Jacob senses something is wrong, but there's nothing left to talk about. We have rehased this many many times, and I know sitting at the end of all these tears and the gnashing of teeth and endless back and forth discussions like a fat bloated toad is a reasonable, logical, flabby, grey solution. Chin up. I know. So there's no sense to even get into all that talking. I simply can't explain it anymore to Jacob. Either he understands or he doesn't.
And maybe this is me just needing to acknowledge the sadness, instead of psyching it away, nothing more. Nothing to solve. Nothing to pep talk away. I know I know I know. It will get better. But for now, I am here.