(no subject)
So, I've been thinking a lot lately. Bad news, I know, but this hasn't been my usual thinking a lot, it's actually been interesting and not in (too much of) a rut- and that of it which has been in a loop has been a good loop. But that's not what I'm going to put in here, since I already mostly covered it. I just re-read Siddartha by Hermann Hesse and actually got something out of it this time- not that that was hard, since I realized that reading it in English class junior year of high school really wasn't the best way for me to approach it. I think it was mostly the fact that I read it while on my series of flights that got me to thinking so much. I was confronted on so many sides by sheer excess- from the slot machines in the Reno airport, with their sensory overloading everything, to the vastness and insane busyness of O'Hare to the ridiculous number of fat people that were simply everywhere- and that made me look at my own life. Now, I've always tried to live a fairly simple life, not being too obsessed with having the newest and best of all the toys and whatnot. Which isn't to say that I've completely succeeded, as evidenced by my laptop that I'm so proud of and my car that I'm happy goes so fast, not to mention the two things that I feel are essential to my life (books and music) that really aren't; but I've tried and feel like on the whole I've avoided the American push towards rampant consumerism pretty decently. But what got me thinking was: is that enough? Is it enough to simply not live to excess? Can I really feel morally/ethically/spritually/whatever-ally content with being a consumer, but not a consumer whore? So I wanted to put that out to the ether and see what you guys think, if you have any input on it.
I don't expect answers, since I haven't been able to reach any, it's all just left me with a vague sense of guilt and the feeling that I really wouldn't be a strong enough person to live the life of an ascetic/monk, even if I did come to the conclusion that that is the only way to lead a good life. Which is, I feel, one of the the things underlying my inablility to have complete and utter faith (in the religious sense), since I don't feel like I have the deep down fortitude to throw myself the 100% into it that is required. Or maybe it's not a matter of fortitude, but simple intellectual detachment and the inability to take something without question- since it really seems like asking "why?" too much doesn't work too well where the major religions are concerned. Yeah. Anyway, see what y'all get to look forward to post-graduation? Your brain has nothing better to do, so it comes up with existential dilemmas and great metaphysical questions that you really can't answer. Or maybe that's just mine.
One last note, and in the same vein of lack of mental stimulation, I felt the urge tonight to get involved in a writing project. Not fiction, since I well and truly suck ass at that, but some sort of research thing. I just don't know what on yet, which is a bit of an issue- and before anyone says it, I think I'm going to avoid the above topic, since I don't know if I really want to delve quite THAT deeply into it. Maybe I should write a manifesto- though I think I'm a little too sane and, well, not German enough to do that just yet. Maybe once grad school has finished with me....
I don't expect answers, since I haven't been able to reach any, it's all just left me with a vague sense of guilt and the feeling that I really wouldn't be a strong enough person to live the life of an ascetic/monk, even if I did come to the conclusion that that is the only way to lead a good life. Which is, I feel, one of the the things underlying my inablility to have complete and utter faith (in the religious sense), since I don't feel like I have the deep down fortitude to throw myself the 100% into it that is required. Or maybe it's not a matter of fortitude, but simple intellectual detachment and the inability to take something without question- since it really seems like asking "why?" too much doesn't work too well where the major religions are concerned. Yeah. Anyway, see what y'all get to look forward to post-graduation? Your brain has nothing better to do, so it comes up with existential dilemmas and great metaphysical questions that you really can't answer. Or maybe that's just mine.
One last note, and in the same vein of lack of mental stimulation, I felt the urge tonight to get involved in a writing project. Not fiction, since I well and truly suck ass at that, but some sort of research thing. I just don't know what on yet, which is a bit of an issue- and before anyone says it, I think I'm going to avoid the above topic, since I don't know if I really want to delve quite THAT deeply into it. Maybe I should write a manifesto- though I think I'm a little too sane and, well, not German enough to do that just yet. Maybe once grad school has finished with me....