Well
So that happened.
Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post/gave me a real hug as a result of it. That really meant a lot to me. I'm not going to go into detail, but suffice it to say that bad things came to light, things were said, I spent far too long feeling sorry for myself/wallowing in bad thoughts, and I've moved on. Honestly, I've never truly been depressed before- sure I've been down and unhappy before, but not to this extent- and being so kind of scared me. The important thing, though, is that I survived and feel a lot better about the world and myself and my relationships, so things are happy in Nate-land once more.
That being said, I'm sorry I was kind of a shitty friend for a while there- some of you got it more directly than others (one in particular), but overall I just wasn't appreciating the really awesome things that people were doing for me, and I apologize for that.
One such awesome thing was the dual birthday party for me and Tanya a week ago. I'm honestly amazed at the good parties that we've managed to throw since moving into this house- they haven't been huge raucous affairs (well, except for the infamous BBQ), but they've been full of cool people and lots of fun times. I think that's mostly helped by the fact that we have a pretty diverse house in terms of friend circles, but they're all close enough that when they come together, it all works.
The trip to NY, despite starting on a less than happy day, was a lot of fun. Well, the first half was- the part where my mom, my sister, and I wandered around Manhatten for two days, just seeing the sights and taking in the citiness of it all. The second half, in which we started trying to navigate "upstate' (I use " " because they apparently consider everything outside of the city "upstate", even when it's only 20 minutes outside of the city limits) and its completely illogical freeways and towns, was somewhat less fun. All I have to say is that after a day of moving boxes up two flights of stairs in 86 degree-85% humidity, the worst possible thing to do is to try and figure out the NY state freeway system. It quite simply doesn't make sense- at least, not from a west coast persepective, which as we all know is the only one that counts. On the whole, though, it was a fun time and I enjoyed seeing a new part of the country. I only regret not getting to see more museums- we were going to go to the Guggenheim, but couldn't find it in time to spend any time- and not participating in the huge protest of the RNC that happened on the SUnday I left. Had my plane left a couple hours later, I wouldn't have had that to regret, but c'est la vie.
I wish I had room in my schedule in the middle of the day so I could take advantage of my free audit ability at UPS. The need for intellectual stimulation is starting to get to me a bit. On the other hand, it is awfully nice, while everyone else is dealing with homework and such, to have the ever so difficult choice of how to spend my evening: do I play video games, read a book, watch a movie, or just go to bed early? Ah, the choices.
Tai-den seems to have adopted me as his favorite person in the house, as evidenced by his choosing to sleep with me every night and sleep under my covers during the day. Whether this is the result of 1) me being the only person in the basement (which is where he spends the vast majority of his day), 2) me being the person who fills his food bowl most of the time, or 3) a genuine affection for me remains to be seen, but I'm enjoying it anyway. It certainly makes the nights a little less lonely, though I would still prefer a girl in my bed ( a healthy preference, methinks).
Yeah, so, there it is. The distillation of the last couple weeks of my life into one, (fairly) small, easy to swallow package. And not a word about the innuendo there, I don't mean that. With that, I'm off, to hopefully find grad schools who want to send me their applications. Or do the crossword puzzle, I haven't really decided yet.
Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post/gave me a real hug as a result of it. That really meant a lot to me. I'm not going to go into detail, but suffice it to say that bad things came to light, things were said, I spent far too long feeling sorry for myself/wallowing in bad thoughts, and I've moved on. Honestly, I've never truly been depressed before- sure I've been down and unhappy before, but not to this extent- and being so kind of scared me. The important thing, though, is that I survived and feel a lot better about the world and myself and my relationships, so things are happy in Nate-land once more.
That being said, I'm sorry I was kind of a shitty friend for a while there- some of you got it more directly than others (one in particular), but overall I just wasn't appreciating the really awesome things that people were doing for me, and I apologize for that.
One such awesome thing was the dual birthday party for me and Tanya a week ago. I'm honestly amazed at the good parties that we've managed to throw since moving into this house- they haven't been huge raucous affairs (well, except for the infamous BBQ), but they've been full of cool people and lots of fun times. I think that's mostly helped by the fact that we have a pretty diverse house in terms of friend circles, but they're all close enough that when they come together, it all works.
The trip to NY, despite starting on a less than happy day, was a lot of fun. Well, the first half was- the part where my mom, my sister, and I wandered around Manhatten for two days, just seeing the sights and taking in the citiness of it all. The second half, in which we started trying to navigate "upstate' (I use " " because they apparently consider everything outside of the city "upstate", even when it's only 20 minutes outside of the city limits) and its completely illogical freeways and towns, was somewhat less fun. All I have to say is that after a day of moving boxes up two flights of stairs in 86 degree-85% humidity, the worst possible thing to do is to try and figure out the NY state freeway system. It quite simply doesn't make sense- at least, not from a west coast persepective, which as we all know is the only one that counts. On the whole, though, it was a fun time and I enjoyed seeing a new part of the country. I only regret not getting to see more museums- we were going to go to the Guggenheim, but couldn't find it in time to spend any time- and not participating in the huge protest of the RNC that happened on the SUnday I left. Had my plane left a couple hours later, I wouldn't have had that to regret, but c'est la vie.
I wish I had room in my schedule in the middle of the day so I could take advantage of my free audit ability at UPS. The need for intellectual stimulation is starting to get to me a bit. On the other hand, it is awfully nice, while everyone else is dealing with homework and such, to have the ever so difficult choice of how to spend my evening: do I play video games, read a book, watch a movie, or just go to bed early? Ah, the choices.
Tai-den seems to have adopted me as his favorite person in the house, as evidenced by his choosing to sleep with me every night and sleep under my covers during the day. Whether this is the result of 1) me being the only person in the basement (which is where he spends the vast majority of his day), 2) me being the person who fills his food bowl most of the time, or 3) a genuine affection for me remains to be seen, but I'm enjoying it anyway. It certainly makes the nights a little less lonely, though I would still prefer a girl in my bed ( a healthy preference, methinks).
Yeah, so, there it is. The distillation of the last couple weeks of my life into one, (fairly) small, easy to swallow package. And not a word about the innuendo there, I don't mean that. With that, I'm off, to hopefully find grad schools who want to send me their applications. Or do the crossword puzzle, I haven't really decided yet.