I really need your input guys..please...
Omgosh. Okay, so I saw Chris again today. I was totally gonna tell him too, but then Ashely walked back just as I was about to and I stopped myself. Ugh! I just wanna do it and get it over with! I can't stand the fact that I get butterflies when I'm around him and he doesn't know it! I just wanna tell him how I feel..but whenever I try to, I freeze! You know what, I'm just gotta do it. I gotta go in there, and just..do it. Gosh, it's easier said than done though. I mean, when I'm standing there..next to him..with the perfect opportunity, I wanna tell him so bad but I just can't get the words out. I open my mouth and nothing comes out. I hate it. I mean, we were both in the back checking our schedules and no one else was back there..I totally wanted to do it right then, but I froze. I'm just, not capable of doing something like that I guess. I'm too afraid to put my heart out on the line like that. Hell..my biggest fear is rejection, and I'd be taking the chance of staring it straight in the face. I just, can't do something like that.
Now, I know telling myself I can't do it isn't gonna help much. I don't know what else to do though. I just need a way to feel more secure about all this so I don't end up hating myself later. I don't want what happened with Matt to happen with Chris. I can't..I won't. I'm not just gonna go on hoping he'll ask me first. I need to take initiative. But how...
Confidence..that's what I need. I always tell myself there's no way a guy like Chris could like a girl like me. Why? Why do I tell myself that? I mean, I'm not totally ugly..and I guess I'm not that annoying to be around..right? I'm not just saying that to fish for compliments either. I need to know though...I need to find out. I wish I could just read his mind and know what he's really thinking.
He prolly already knows though..I mean, everyone else knows. Whenever Esmeralda is around him and I happen to be there too, she'll look at me and whisper, "Just tell him!" Then I yell at her for opening her big mouth..let's just say I yell at her often, lol. Anyways, I know Jill knows..and Ashely, Dena too..and I'm sure Kenny must know. I'd say it's a pretty good chance that word got back to him.
I might as well just do it then, if he already knows. It'll sound better coming directly from me anyways. I mean, this isn't seventh grade, I'm a big girl and can do things myself now. At least, I hope I can. *sigh* Why am I making such a big deal out of this? I mean, all I'm doing is telling some guy I like him. That's all. Why am I totally blowing this out of proportion? I don't know..maybe it's just b/c I'm a girl. Yeah, that must be it. We always get worked up over the littlest things.
So it's settled then. Next time I see him..whether there's people around or not..I'm just gonna do it. I don't care anymore. It's eating me alive. I have to..I need to. Besides, if there's more people around it'll take some of the pressure off. It'll be less akward, too. So that's that. Next time I see him I'm gonna have no fear, and just do it. Oh crap, what am I gonna say?
I am THE worst at trying to get my point across to people..no matter what the situation. I never know what to say, and I always screw up. Always. Okay so, should I be like..
"Hey Chris, we've known each other for about a month now..and even though I may not show it too well, I think you're an amazing guy. I mean, you're cute, smart, funny, and well..to tell you the truth, I've had a crush on you for a while now. . .Crazy, I know..."
or
"Hey Chris..what would you say if I told you that there's a girl at Qdoba who likes you..."
"Well, what would you say if I told you it was me.."
or
"Chris..I've wanted to tell you this for quite some time now, but it isn't exactly easy to tell someone you have a major crush on them..not to mention a co-worker. So, even though I'm a little nervous right now..okay, really nervous...I just thought I should let you know."
or
"Chris, you know how I pick on you a lot and tease you?"
"You know I'm not serious, right...'cause to tell you the truth, I get kinda nervous whenever I'm around you."
"And I get so nervous b/c..well..I like you, Chris. I know it may not seem like it, but I do..and I just wanted to let you know."
My sister just told me I need to learn how to flirt. Ya know, maybe she's right... I didn't really realize it, but I am really bad at it. Lol, just ask Matt..I'm sure he'll agree with me.
OKAY, so..Flirting 101. Hmm..well, I guess instead of making fun of him..I should prolly compliment him once in a while, lol. Wait, I do that. I tell him he has nice hair all the time! Anyways, lol... Wow, I'm amazing at this, haha. Uhm, I should prolly smile at him more often..right...maybe...oh I don't know. Yeah, that's all I got.
Well, I think this journal entry is long enough...so, I will bid the adieu. Until next time..adios!!!
Jori <33
Now, I know telling myself I can't do it isn't gonna help much. I don't know what else to do though. I just need a way to feel more secure about all this so I don't end up hating myself later. I don't want what happened with Matt to happen with Chris. I can't..I won't. I'm not just gonna go on hoping he'll ask me first. I need to take initiative. But how...
Confidence..that's what I need. I always tell myself there's no way a guy like Chris could like a girl like me. Why? Why do I tell myself that? I mean, I'm not totally ugly..and I guess I'm not that annoying to be around..right? I'm not just saying that to fish for compliments either. I need to know though...I need to find out. I wish I could just read his mind and know what he's really thinking.
He prolly already knows though..I mean, everyone else knows. Whenever Esmeralda is around him and I happen to be there too, she'll look at me and whisper, "Just tell him!" Then I yell at her for opening her big mouth..let's just say I yell at her often, lol. Anyways, I know Jill knows..and Ashely, Dena too..and I'm sure Kenny must know. I'd say it's a pretty good chance that word got back to him.
I might as well just do it then, if he already knows. It'll sound better coming directly from me anyways. I mean, this isn't seventh grade, I'm a big girl and can do things myself now. At least, I hope I can. *sigh* Why am I making such a big deal out of this? I mean, all I'm doing is telling some guy I like him. That's all. Why am I totally blowing this out of proportion? I don't know..maybe it's just b/c I'm a girl. Yeah, that must be it. We always get worked up over the littlest things.
So it's settled then. Next time I see him..whether there's people around or not..I'm just gonna do it. I don't care anymore. It's eating me alive. I have to..I need to. Besides, if there's more people around it'll take some of the pressure off. It'll be less akward, too. So that's that. Next time I see him I'm gonna have no fear, and just do it. Oh crap, what am I gonna say?
I am THE worst at trying to get my point across to people..no matter what the situation. I never know what to say, and I always screw up. Always. Okay so, should I be like..
"Hey Chris, we've known each other for about a month now..and even though I may not show it too well, I think you're an amazing guy. I mean, you're cute, smart, funny, and well..to tell you the truth, I've had a crush on you for a while now. . .Crazy, I know..."
or
"Hey Chris..what would you say if I told you that there's a girl at Qdoba who likes you..."
"Well, what would you say if I told you it was me.."
or
"Chris..I've wanted to tell you this for quite some time now, but it isn't exactly easy to tell someone you have a major crush on them..not to mention a co-worker. So, even though I'm a little nervous right now..okay, really nervous...I just thought I should let you know."
or
"Chris, you know how I pick on you a lot and tease you?"
"You know I'm not serious, right...'cause to tell you the truth, I get kinda nervous whenever I'm around you."
"And I get so nervous b/c..well..I like you, Chris. I know it may not seem like it, but I do..and I just wanted to let you know."
My sister just told me I need to learn how to flirt. Ya know, maybe she's right... I didn't really realize it, but I am really bad at it. Lol, just ask Matt..I'm sure he'll agree with me.
OKAY, so..Flirting 101. Hmm..well, I guess instead of making fun of him..I should prolly compliment him once in a while, lol. Wait, I do that. I tell him he has nice hair all the time! Anyways, lol... Wow, I'm amazing at this, haha. Uhm, I should prolly smile at him more often..right...maybe...oh I don't know. Yeah, that's all I got.
Well, I think this journal entry is long enough...so, I will bid the adieu. Until next time..adios!!!
Jori <33