The times they are a-changin'
I live in a fugue state almost. Time winks by while I'm lost in thought, and by not writing anything down, I let the thought melt into nothing as well. But I'm beginning to think that perhaps I really could/should somehow bottle that and use it. Maybe I do have enough passion for theology/philosophy/psychology/logic/math/physics/computers to actually be.. in my element there. Doing what I do and having it mean something. Or maybe I can't, need to get real, knuckle down, and pull myself up by bootstraps, whatever those are. I honestly can't find an answer and hate that; if the reality is that no answer exists, I'm not sure I can function. It seems SO hard to forge your own territory these days, though. Wherever you drive ahead, you will find the footprints of those who have gone before you.. and their flag is the only one that can be planted there. Following them is a mere excursion, novelty rather than discovery. But all that is knowable is not known, there must be a frontier somewhere. My frustration I suppose is ultimately that I am too timid, or perhaps merely too constrained by modern society.. Too indoctrinated and incorporated to actually perform a meaningful function.
We definitely have started down an interesting path, after all.. Where life may be considered, perhaps too precious. For example, we would not try to colonize the moon with today's technology.. because the odds are great that even if we somehow managed to get one up and functioning somehow, and even if it thrived beyond all expectation, that everyone there would at some point be wiped out by a disaster of some sort. But isn't it hubris to think that only we, unlike pretty much all previous generations, would not have to sacrifice to expand our boundaries? Entire settlements being wiped out has been a common occurrence for scores upon scores of generations before us. Even as recently as the 19th century, much intercontinental shipping and transit had a fatality rate of 25% or more. And that was the routine travel and business; exploration and discovery was far riskier. Regardless of the reason, I'm not able to comprehend being as cavalier as the frontiersmen before me.. I just wonder if that's also why I can't seem to find a worthwhile use of my talents. Supposing they exist.
I really do believe they're there, but still, getting things out probably has to be more of a priority if I'm going to do it effectively, I'm sure I had a very interesting idea that, with the honed and practiced mind of a writer, could have been sculpted into something amazing. Instead I have rusted for nigh on 5 years, and produced this turd of half-baked nonsense with no real structure or purpose. Only the tiniest germ remained of the original by the time I'd pulled out my disused laptop and managed to get it powered on (itself a laborious proposition since I'm yet to get around to reinstalling windows even though I *know* it has to be done or it will eventually grind to a complete halt, like all the windows before it. That could be a good first step, or the first of many days wasted on another trivial distraction from the real work I should be doing, like accumulating wealth and possessions. Who freakin' knows, eh?) and logged in. I'm trying to carry a handful of water from the well, and lucky to arrive with a drop of moisture. There's gotta be another way to do this...
A giant aside to the second paragraph would note how skewed is the perception that the *world* has become this.. pansified, when in fact that is the view only from my tiny little isolated and insulated pocket of society, insulated from even the suffering of the rest of "Americans" (US citizens are not the only people who are American, we don't even make up a very large chunk of actual Americans) - who themselves are very insulated from the squalor of the rest of the world. A recent night of Adult Swim hit that note pretty hard with a Robot Chicken sketch about Annie (complaining about her plight to another orphan, who compares their situation to a filipino sex tourism slave) and an Xavier wherein the law of conservation of happiness is posited semi-jokingly (a rough paraphrase: the total happiness in the world is constant, so every time you enjoy something, someone must suffer [on the other side of the earth]). An aside to the aside--Is television truly an "idiot box" that saps saps for all of life, or is it an incredible muse misused? I could not resist the clumsy alliteration, but I seriously don't know even in that regard if I'm wasting life by not getting up and doing something else, or wasting it by doing other things when I could be using the inspirations provided. Or both. I'm almost definitely wasting it by staying in a dead-end job that takes up time and does little else for me, and which pays far too little to eat by. Making me a parasite or a lazy member of the "working poor". Or is it elitist to think I could do better, without disclaiming that anyone else could, too? Because, honestly, I don't believe that just anyone could do the same things I could. In the less admirable way of putting it, I think there do exist some people for whom making a living wage in today's world is the pinnacle of achievement, or literally, they best they could do. But that's not to say I believe they actually deserve to make less than others, which is a big topic that actually won't fit here. What probably does fit, and segue a little back to the original topic, is a too bold declaration that multiculturalism and progress ultimately can't coexist. There are societies on this world in which.. humanity is wasted. The last I knew, there still exist a few cannibalistic tribes of savages on this planet, and I really don't see a way in which failing to enlighten them is anything short of abuse by negligence. I understand the fear of saying so, a very large portion is knee-jerk guilt really, for those olden days of crusades and imperialism, of manifest destiny and divine providence. But really, while it's not necessarily fair or wise to say or allow to be said "my way is better than others" altogether, I do think it's safe, if not actually P.C., to say that CIVILIZATION IS A GOOD THING. The main progress we've made from chimpanzees and gibbons is mostly in culture, and those with a complete lack of culture deserve better than their primal existence. They're still human beings and it's really inhumane to allow humans to live in such conditions ANYWHERE. Particularly if there actually are cannibalistic societies where they may be, for example, eaten alive piece by piece while they writhe in agony. I take it further and become ever more controversial, for I don't think that female genital mutilation or genocidal wars or the subjugation of entire castes exist in societies which ought to be preserved. But then, neither does corporate greed, so if you take things down that road, it most probably would inexorably lead to the extinction of all mankind, since no one society is perfect. It's that damn human tendency to group and classify, combined with the temptation to view things in black and white. It's all wet, sloppy, organic grey in the real world. A freaking untenable mess, really, that no one has any hope of understanding without breaking it apart. I suppose physics is the same way, all the calculations are "in an ideal world" and only serve to approximate for reality most of the time, all the stuff you can't calculate for is amalgamated into "scientific error". Or "dark matter". Or "the uncertainty principle". If it has to be as perfect as I want it (whether a flaw of genetics or upbringing or personal choices) then we really don't know much of anything. God, there's no stopping point, I could probably ramble like this forever! I've just got to excise the growth with one brutal chop//
I really got off track there.. I guess that means I'm back, at the moment, for what it's worth. We'll see how long that lasts.
We definitely have started down an interesting path, after all.. Where life may be considered, perhaps too precious. For example, we would not try to colonize the moon with today's technology.. because the odds are great that even if we somehow managed to get one up and functioning somehow, and even if it thrived beyond all expectation, that everyone there would at some point be wiped out by a disaster of some sort. But isn't it hubris to think that only we, unlike pretty much all previous generations, would not have to sacrifice to expand our boundaries? Entire settlements being wiped out has been a common occurrence for scores upon scores of generations before us. Even as recently as the 19th century, much intercontinental shipping and transit had a fatality rate of 25% or more. And that was the routine travel and business; exploration and discovery was far riskier. Regardless of the reason, I'm not able to comprehend being as cavalier as the frontiersmen before me.. I just wonder if that's also why I can't seem to find a worthwhile use of my talents. Supposing they exist.
I really do believe they're there, but still, getting things out probably has to be more of a priority if I'm going to do it effectively, I'm sure I had a very interesting idea that, with the honed and practiced mind of a writer, could have been sculpted into something amazing. Instead I have rusted for nigh on 5 years, and produced this turd of half-baked nonsense with no real structure or purpose. Only the tiniest germ remained of the original by the time I'd pulled out my disused laptop and managed to get it powered on (itself a laborious proposition since I'm yet to get around to reinstalling windows even though I *know* it has to be done or it will eventually grind to a complete halt, like all the windows before it. That could be a good first step, or the first of many days wasted on another trivial distraction from the real work I should be doing, like accumulating wealth and possessions. Who freakin' knows, eh?) and logged in. I'm trying to carry a handful of water from the well, and lucky to arrive with a drop of moisture. There's gotta be another way to do this...
A giant aside to the second paragraph would note how skewed is the perception that the *world* has become this.. pansified, when in fact that is the view only from my tiny little isolated and insulated pocket of society, insulated from even the suffering of the rest of "Americans" (US citizens are not the only people who are American, we don't even make up a very large chunk of actual Americans) - who themselves are very insulated from the squalor of the rest of the world. A recent night of Adult Swim hit that note pretty hard with a Robot Chicken sketch about Annie (complaining about her plight to another orphan, who compares their situation to a filipino sex tourism slave) and an Xavier wherein the law of conservation of happiness is posited semi-jokingly (a rough paraphrase: the total happiness in the world is constant, so every time you enjoy something, someone must suffer [on the other side of the earth]). An aside to the aside--Is television truly an "idiot box" that saps saps for all of life, or is it an incredible muse misused? I could not resist the clumsy alliteration, but I seriously don't know even in that regard if I'm wasting life by not getting up and doing something else, or wasting it by doing other things when I could be using the inspirations provided. Or both. I'm almost definitely wasting it by staying in a dead-end job that takes up time and does little else for me, and which pays far too little to eat by. Making me a parasite or a lazy member of the "working poor". Or is it elitist to think I could do better, without disclaiming that anyone else could, too? Because, honestly, I don't believe that just anyone could do the same things I could. In the less admirable way of putting it, I think there do exist some people for whom making a living wage in today's world is the pinnacle of achievement, or literally, they best they could do. But that's not to say I believe they actually deserve to make less than others, which is a big topic that actually won't fit here. What probably does fit, and segue a little back to the original topic, is a too bold declaration that multiculturalism and progress ultimately can't coexist. There are societies on this world in which.. humanity is wasted. The last I knew, there still exist a few cannibalistic tribes of savages on this planet, and I really don't see a way in which failing to enlighten them is anything short of abuse by negligence. I understand the fear of saying so, a very large portion is knee-jerk guilt really, for those olden days of crusades and imperialism, of manifest destiny and divine providence. But really, while it's not necessarily fair or wise to say or allow to be said "my way is better than others" altogether, I do think it's safe, if not actually P.C., to say that CIVILIZATION IS A GOOD THING. The main progress we've made from chimpanzees and gibbons is mostly in culture, and those with a complete lack of culture deserve better than their primal existence. They're still human beings and it's really inhumane to allow humans to live in such conditions ANYWHERE. Particularly if there actually are cannibalistic societies where they may be, for example, eaten alive piece by piece while they writhe in agony. I take it further and become ever more controversial, for I don't think that female genital mutilation or genocidal wars or the subjugation of entire castes exist in societies which ought to be preserved. But then, neither does corporate greed, so if you take things down that road, it most probably would inexorably lead to the extinction of all mankind, since no one society is perfect. It's that damn human tendency to group and classify, combined with the temptation to view things in black and white. It's all wet, sloppy, organic grey in the real world. A freaking untenable mess, really, that no one has any hope of understanding without breaking it apart. I suppose physics is the same way, all the calculations are "in an ideal world" and only serve to approximate for reality most of the time, all the stuff you can't calculate for is amalgamated into "scientific error". Or "dark matter". Or "the uncertainty principle". If it has to be as perfect as I want it (whether a flaw of genetics or upbringing or personal choices) then we really don't know much of anything. God, there's no stopping point, I could probably ramble like this forever! I've just got to excise the growth with one brutal chop//
I really got off track there.. I guess that means I'm back, at the moment, for what it's worth. We'll see how long that lasts.