i stop to think that maybe everythings alright & maybe thats just a waste of time...
I feel so out of place lately. Kind of a random thought but maybe I'm not in the right place - here I mean. Like, sure i love my friends but lately i feel like they're all moving past me. Not that they're leaving me behind but just that i cant catch up. Im too caught up to move with them - so im left behind. And its not just with my girlies..its with everyone. I feel like Jake has surpassed me thousands of times over and people like Ryan are just sick of waiting around for me. To touch on Ryan for a moment: Id like to say Im sorry. And i know sometimes sorry is insincere but this is not. Im sorry - if there were other ways to say it i would. I hope you come around because I miss talking to you - even if all we talk about is sex and other stupid things. : / I dont know..I kinda feel like the only one who gets it is Eric. Hes great at saying things that make me feel better and acting like he cares - even if he doesn't. Other than that Midterm week is just around the bend and joyously adding to my stress and depression. : [ Soccer, Oliver rehearsals, dance and now Ribby wants me to take another class for ballet, and *sigh*...i dont know what to do with myself. I think that i need to prioritize. But it doesn't seem to me that the list is priorities - its more like what will make things easier that then my priorities list will be helpful. Okay heres my What I Can Do To Make Things Easier List: 1. Talk to Ryan. I think the sooner he stops being angry at me the less stress I have while walking to Chorus and other such places around the Junior Hallway. 2. Make sure my Global charts are done - that thematic tomorrow seemed so long ago last week. : / Eh..shit happens. 3. Listen. I think that if i listen more then I'm sure to avoid some stupid conflicts made by either me a.) seeming like i dont care b.) not realy knowing whats going on c.) some other dumb thing that will some how stress me out. 4. Help Lyssy. She knows that I'm talking about. I dont want her going through what Im going through now - trust me you dont know the half of it. 5. Work out more. This is not a concept of getting thinner, although that would be a welcome change (hush - dont say anythng) its a matter of endorphins. Taylor knows what i mean - let me clue you in, just in case you are all in a state of depression like myself. "Excercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just dont kill their husbands - they just dont." - Elle Woods. Who knew blondes coul dbe so insightful? (Joke.) But honestly, without the killing their husbands part i think that could be useful advice. Excercise=Endorphins=happier - i hope : / 6. I know theres some other things I need to do. I'll pin it to doing well on midterms but i know that this list could probably go on forever. So study and do well on midterms is what this will be. And lastly... 7. Try something new. I think change is what i need right now. This might get extreme... kind of like our chair dance in dance w/ Chrissy [Amanda, Ryan, Christina you all know what I mean..] Lastly, before I go, i wanted to jot down a few quotes that I had written down in my agenda at random points during the year. For those of you who watched me in action [ahem Evan] you will probably know most of what is going on in these situations. Well, here goes: 1/19/05 Gabe, period 2 - Do we have to know all the Mo's? [Mots=Mosenfrancais : )] 1/19/05 Hannah, Ms. Lee, period 7 - H: But not if you inject it with steriods Paul! M.L: thats gonna be one of those jokes..death *evil grin!* 11/23/04 Megan, Ali [me], period 7 - A: does my shirt look dumb zipped up like this? M: it doesn't really matter - you sit in the back corner of the room. : p 12/7/04 Gabe, period 8 - G: Coke makes me happy! (im sure it does..) 12/7/04 Evan, Paul, period 8 - P: ...if you had raibies would you turn ravid? E: Yeah, like meat. *pause* I want meat! 12/9/04 Mr. Durkin, Frankie, Paul, period 6 - M.D: pg. 666 F: Oh, the devils number P: It'd be funny if Mr. Kaishan walked in right now. 11/22/04 Julie, period 4 - soup is respectable... 11/16/04 Ryan, period 8 -> 9 - you shoot attitude at me like its a missile! And last for the day... 11/16/04 Evan, period 8 - You should make like a hut and then tape the cats when they go in and are like "Yo Boss, they're givin' us trouble again..." (Oh Ev...the things you think of) More things from Ev, Gabe, and other people who say extrememly random things will be posted (possibly) in the next entry. For now, I'm going to go study for my midterms and try to fulfill #6 on the What I Can Do To Make Things Easier List...*sigh* this is gonna be a long night. [ hugs .&. kisses]