orly? yarly!
Dear You,
I’m not sure if you’ve looked at yourself in the mirror lately, but I’m afraid you’re a leprechaun. Last year when you peed your pants in your closet, you shrank to the size of a very small child and your clothes turned bright green. If you ever put whipped cream on my kneecaps when you’re high on magic mushrooms again, I will be sure to tell you that SANTA DOESN’T EXIST! So shove that in your clover pipe and smoke it next time you’re driving in your little green car.
On a lighter note, I was wondering if you ever did get the results of that blood sample back. I never will forget that night… but you should get that embarrassing rash checked.
Best of luck on the sex change,
Lisa.
1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're mean
Other -I dislike your eyelashes
2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When you smacked my ass
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear
3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper
4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over
5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey - The Catholic Priest
Brown - The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red - My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink - Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
None - My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other --The elephant in the corner
6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
House - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scared
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Annat -shamed
7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed - That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex change
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobessex-
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks
8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - The pictures from Vegas
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montanna underwear
9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - My virginity
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbors dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards
10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Love your sweet sweet ass
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H - Will not tell the authorities you stole the whale from the back yard.
I/J - Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z - am better off without you
11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink - I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda -Thanks for the Cocaine
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Mineral Water - I'm scratching my ass as you read this
Cider- I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice - You ruined my attempts at another world war
Water - You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate - Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer - I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Other - you should stop picking your nose
12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Italy - Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China - You make me sick
Germany - Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yours.
I’m not sure if you’ve looked at yourself in the mirror lately, but I’m afraid you’re a leprechaun. Last year when you peed your pants in your closet, you shrank to the size of a very small child and your clothes turned bright green. If you ever put whipped cream on my kneecaps when you’re high on magic mushrooms again, I will be sure to tell you that SANTA DOESN’T EXIST! So shove that in your clover pipe and smoke it next time you’re driving in your little green car.
On a lighter note, I was wondering if you ever did get the results of that blood sample back. I never will forget that night… but you should get that embarrassing rash checked.
Best of luck on the sex change,
Lisa.
1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're mean
Other -I dislike your eyelashes
2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When you smacked my ass
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear
3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper
4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over
5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey - The Catholic Priest
Brown - The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red - My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink - Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
None - My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other --The elephant in the corner
6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
House - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scared
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Annat -shamed
7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed - That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex change
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobessex-
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks
8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - The pictures from Vegas
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montanna underwear
9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - My virginity
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbors dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards
10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Love your sweet sweet ass
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H - Will not tell the authorities you stole the whale from the back yard.
I/J - Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z - am better off without you
11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink - I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda -Thanks for the Cocaine
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Mineral Water - I'm scratching my ass as you read this
Cider- I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice - You ruined my attempts at another world war
Water - You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate - Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer - I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Other - you should stop picking your nose
12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Italy - Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China - You make me sick
Germany - Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yours.