I've become so numb.
Basically the theme to most of my entries lately..sorry
I hate re-reading my entries, because lately they are all repetive, and depressing. Stressed out, burnt out, confused, and lost. When Ever I feel that things are changing, once again theres always that slap in the face, and Michele gets back in to her world of negativity. I dont know if im expected to be happy all the time, because for the life of me, i know that i was never miss optimistic. It surprises me because everyone always tells me they feel sorry for me, or they are worried about me. I dont know what to think of that. having people worry about me? That worries me for god sake. I dont know why i worry people all the time.
Everything i say seems to be the wrong thing, and in the past few months, my only salvation is the weekend. The week is so repetive, and miserable. I get up, go to school, get angry, come home, do homework til 10+ at night, go to bed..cycle continues the next day. Or throw in getting sick, because there hasnt been a moment where i havnt had a cold lately either. I dont know what to do anymore.
I see all my friends write entries, about everything going good for them, and as much as i want to be happy it just makes me hurt. I dont have my license, i dont have a car, i dont have a job, i dont have much of a social life, i dont have a boyfriend..and you know whose fault that is.. None other than my own. So, go figure.
I hate writing this in here, but if i didnt just get away for a few minutes and write i thought id burst.
I really dont know why all of a sudden my self-confidence has been shot down the drain, or why i can be so happy sometimes, and like this the next, but i guess thats me again. Right. Its hilarious. I try and blame other people..
If there was a solitary moment when i wasnt stressed it would be a blessing.
I hate re-reading my entries, because lately they are all repetive, and depressing. Stressed out, burnt out, confused, and lost. When Ever I feel that things are changing, once again theres always that slap in the face, and Michele gets back in to her world of negativity. I dont know if im expected to be happy all the time, because for the life of me, i know that i was never miss optimistic. It surprises me because everyone always tells me they feel sorry for me, or they are worried about me. I dont know what to think of that. having people worry about me? That worries me for god sake. I dont know why i worry people all the time.
Everything i say seems to be the wrong thing, and in the past few months, my only salvation is the weekend. The week is so repetive, and miserable. I get up, go to school, get angry, come home, do homework til 10+ at night, go to bed..cycle continues the next day. Or throw in getting sick, because there hasnt been a moment where i havnt had a cold lately either. I dont know what to do anymore.
I see all my friends write entries, about everything going good for them, and as much as i want to be happy it just makes me hurt. I dont have my license, i dont have a car, i dont have a job, i dont have much of a social life, i dont have a boyfriend..and you know whose fault that is.. None other than my own. So, go figure.
I hate writing this in here, but if i didnt just get away for a few minutes and write i thought id burst.
I really dont know why all of a sudden my self-confidence has been shot down the drain, or why i can be so happy sometimes, and like this the next, but i guess thats me again. Right. Its hilarious. I try and blame other people..
If there was a solitary moment when i wasnt stressed it would be a blessing.