(no subject)
I'm beginning to become incredibly bored with society. today, i went into anchorage to get a new rain jacket, and possibly some other things for The Fortification. I left the house at around 12 30, which would give me enough time to get my check from Focus, deposit it, and then do some shopping in anchorage before i went to work at 8pm. Well, i got to REI and found a sweet jacket, and had about 6 hours to kill. i sat in my car and started to read a book and listen to music in the parking lot. A lady pulled up next to my parking spot, and got out of her car, leaving behind two small dogs, who had more interaction with me today than any human.
Today, i was alone, without distraction. the way you feel in those few minutes right before you fall asleep every night. where you really begin to notice the things that your life is designed to drown out. those feelings and thoughts that are trapped beneath the worries and shallow observations of the day, are the most terrifying things. its not the loneliness that gets to me, jesus christ- its myself.
The last few days of my time of living in Alaska were beginning to last longer and longer. Every minute seemed exponentially longer than the one before it. There is something about leaving your home that makes you really want to know what home is. I figured that if I could identify that, if I could figure out what that key element was, there would be a way that I could wrap my heart around it, and take a piece- a seed, perhaps- with me to Portland.
I know I will miss Alaska, the safety of its mountains seem impervious. Its isolation can only be judged on a level of beauty I am yet to experience. There is an understanding here, that seems to flow in the wind. There is something more here, and there will always be something more. It is hidden in the darkness of the lingering winter nights, and the brightness of the summer sun. Something must have gone terribly, awfully wrong with the rest of the world.
Today, i was alone, without distraction. the way you feel in those few minutes right before you fall asleep every night. where you really begin to notice the things that your life is designed to drown out. those feelings and thoughts that are trapped beneath the worries and shallow observations of the day, are the most terrifying things. its not the loneliness that gets to me, jesus christ- its myself.
The last few days of my time of living in Alaska were beginning to last longer and longer. Every minute seemed exponentially longer than the one before it. There is something about leaving your home that makes you really want to know what home is. I figured that if I could identify that, if I could figure out what that key element was, there would be a way that I could wrap my heart around it, and take a piece- a seed, perhaps- with me to Portland.
I know I will miss Alaska, the safety of its mountains seem impervious. Its isolation can only be judged on a level of beauty I am yet to experience. There is an understanding here, that seems to flow in the wind. There is something more here, and there will always be something more. It is hidden in the darkness of the lingering winter nights, and the brightness of the summer sun. Something must have gone terribly, awfully wrong with the rest of the world.