(no subject)
i have so many damn thoughts this journal will be all over the place.
i am in a terrible state at the moment. It went from very bad to really good to now just ok/bad. I got to finally see a counselor/phycologist whatever they are called a few months ago. My work paid for it, but i only get 3 sessions a year. Now that they have gone, i haven't been able to see anyone. and because there so fuckin expensive, i really can't see anyone.
I just feel like i am the person everyone acknowledges but not apart of the "group". Even now, with nicole. we are like best friends. However the KIWI boys started at work a while ago and it just feels like i am now pushed out of the picture. There funnier, older and more like her.
I still do the, let me buy you dinner, just to have someone to hang out with.
I try and call, but noone ever answers. I have sought of given up on trying to keep the friendship alive. Its pretty hard to do, i know i was the one that left. and i actually regret it now. I mean, i feel like i have hit 30 and not done ANYTHING. i work full-time. 8:30 - 5:30 mon-fri. Live by myself, support myself. I almost wanna just quit my job, put everything in storage and go live with my parents again. There is the satisfaction right now of knowing i have full control over my life. However its very depressing that knowing the only things left in life, are obtaining a partner and kid, and possibly a pet. and then you hit 75 and trying to live off of a pension.
Moving in by myself was a fantastic idea, as i was going crazy living with someone before. However....i am getting very lonely. I wan't to be able to atleast watch tv and know someone else is in the room that i can talk to.
At work, my boss has decided to choose me to have coaching lessons with to improve my tag-ons and customer sales. LIke COMEONE at the moment i am achieving over the required weekly target. just let me be...i am gettin the job done. have the highest call monitoring scores in my team, and all he does is BITCH like a little wanker. Like come on mate, let it go!
I am pretty much broke at the moment, bils through the roof. mostly my fault. i mean i chose a nice house to live in, $956 a month, car payment of $407/month, and personal loan of $256/month. i mean i can barely live.
Life is so stupid sometimes.
Well i am off to the USA next month, i dont know why. its not like anyone is over there waiting to see me other than my mum. I am almost of the verge of cancelling the trip seeing as i have no cash. it'l be an all credit card trip. WOO HOO!!! :(
i think its time to crack open the 700ml VODKA.
I am off to the Hard Rock cafe tomorrow. I dont think i'll get lunch, maybe just dessert. How nice.
You know what i miss the most? working in a cinema, you got to see so many movies. Now i think the last time i saw a movie was over 2 months ago. Its quite sad really.
Another thing i miss.....taking long drives at all hours of the night and have the windows open with loud music.
and for fuck sake i have been sick for 3 weeks now with a terrible caugh. If it doesn't go away soon i will scream.
What a beatiful end to the boring/partial excitment of a weekend.
i am in a terrible state at the moment. It went from very bad to really good to now just ok/bad. I got to finally see a counselor/phycologist whatever they are called a few months ago. My work paid for it, but i only get 3 sessions a year. Now that they have gone, i haven't been able to see anyone. and because there so fuckin expensive, i really can't see anyone.
I just feel like i am the person everyone acknowledges but not apart of the "group". Even now, with nicole. we are like best friends. However the KIWI boys started at work a while ago and it just feels like i am now pushed out of the picture. There funnier, older and more like her.
I still do the, let me buy you dinner, just to have someone to hang out with.
I try and call, but noone ever answers. I have sought of given up on trying to keep the friendship alive. Its pretty hard to do, i know i was the one that left. and i actually regret it now. I mean, i feel like i have hit 30 and not done ANYTHING. i work full-time. 8:30 - 5:30 mon-fri. Live by myself, support myself. I almost wanna just quit my job, put everything in storage and go live with my parents again. There is the satisfaction right now of knowing i have full control over my life. However its very depressing that knowing the only things left in life, are obtaining a partner and kid, and possibly a pet. and then you hit 75 and trying to live off of a pension.
Moving in by myself was a fantastic idea, as i was going crazy living with someone before. However....i am getting very lonely. I wan't to be able to atleast watch tv and know someone else is in the room that i can talk to.
At work, my boss has decided to choose me to have coaching lessons with to improve my tag-ons and customer sales. LIke COMEONE at the moment i am achieving over the required weekly target. just let me be...i am gettin the job done. have the highest call monitoring scores in my team, and all he does is BITCH like a little wanker. Like come on mate, let it go!
I am pretty much broke at the moment, bils through the roof. mostly my fault. i mean i chose a nice house to live in, $956 a month, car payment of $407/month, and personal loan of $256/month. i mean i can barely live.
Life is so stupid sometimes.
Well i am off to the USA next month, i dont know why. its not like anyone is over there waiting to see me other than my mum. I am almost of the verge of cancelling the trip seeing as i have no cash. it'l be an all credit card trip. WOO HOO!!! :(
i think its time to crack open the 700ml VODKA.
I am off to the Hard Rock cafe tomorrow. I dont think i'll get lunch, maybe just dessert. How nice.
You know what i miss the most? working in a cinema, you got to see so many movies. Now i think the last time i saw a movie was over 2 months ago. Its quite sad really.
Another thing i miss.....taking long drives at all hours of the night and have the windows open with loud music.
and for fuck sake i have been sick for 3 weeks now with a terrible caugh. If it doesn't go away soon i will scream.
What a beatiful end to the boring/partial excitment of a weekend.