Linguistics; stylistics; sf poetry being made, 2nd round; part 5...

[ozarque]

I am more grateful than I can say for your help with this poem, and for all your contributions and criticisms and suggestions and inspirations; thank you. For me, the draft below is the final draft except for two loose ends: I still don't have a title that suits me -- the one shown is what's called a "working title" -- and I still don't have a name

Comments

[archangelbeth]

While I understand not being satisfied, I do like TransDeltamerican. It's so... mergered.

Response to archangelbeth....

[ozarque]

I like it too. I like its mergeredness, as you say, and I very much like the way it sounds. I just wish I could somehow find a way to work water .... waterness, whatever .... into is somehow.

Re: Response to archangelbeth....

[archangelbeth]

Hmmmmm. I don't know if this would help, but if I were worldbuilding, I'd think that the types of jets would be where the water-works would be. A 747 River. A 737 Spring. A 727 Jet Spray. The corporation title would be the mergered monstrosity of delight...

translatlantic jet-spray flights? Add a line of "(and no longer served complementary glasses in the first class of a 797 Niagra)"?

Re: Response to archangelbeth.... continued...

[ozarque]

That's ingenious.... If I were doing a short story or novel instead of a poem, it would certainly be a productive way to go; whether it could be worked into this poem, at this stage, I don't know. Thank you for the suggestion.

Re: Response to archangelbeth.... continued...

[archangelbeth]

If you ever do another poem in this world, feel free to snaffle the concept (whether or not it finds its way into this one). Stars know that I don't really have anything I could do with it. (I'm busy poking at a character in my head to give me his naaaaame, dangit...)