yeah...

[ozadu91]

well here i am. lost, not alone (thank god) but still lost. theres alot going through my mind at the moment. i feel fucked up. i dont know why. i just do... how i will get better from this is beyond me. but you know what? i will. thats the thing, in the end, it all gets better. i have to make a few choices. scary ones. they most certainly are life changing. theyve been bugging me since the day they were presented to me. i spoke to some people about it. they were... of some help. if you can really call it that lol. but they made some very good points and i had no idea how concerned they actually were with me... yeah i am not myself when i go with one thing. yet i can be when its gone, does this mean that i really am not myself? like, am i fake? do i really care about the world and the people in it? id like to think so. otherwise i wouldnt do the things that i do. it isnt worth it. i ask myself this because i have recently been finding myself to be less caring than usual. what i mean by this is that i feel that shutting off feelings is more easier than it should be. i do things without remorse, and examine it through the eyes of a mad scientist getting excited by his experiment at work. sick shit haha. hmm... i guess the feeling is connected to a US sniper.

"what do you feel when you shoot an insurgent with your rifle?" shrugs "recoil"