Runway, Little Buddha, and Art
I finally gave in to the fabulous world of television…after years of not watching any. Moving back to live with the ‘rents has a lot to do- that and the fact that my town is in the middle of fucking nowhere and I don’t really like cockfights or baseball. Or kids. It’s all about the kids. Kids here, kids there… kids, kids, kids, kids, kids! Seriously, what the fuck? I thought Buddhists were a bit cuckoo in the head with all their kid-Buddha reincarnated stuff…But in America, and Puerto Rico, it seems as eeeeeevery household has their own personal baby Buddha (some have 1-4+, even if they're retarded) or…baby Jesus (edited for those feisty other-religion-hater-close-minded x-tians).
For fucks sake! I DON’T CARE IF YOUR KID SAID DADDY FOR THE FIRST TIME. By the time your kid learned to say "Mommy" I was already running, talking in complete sentences and drawing all over the place. Get a life or get a real baby genius! I rather do it the Asian way. One worshipped kid per nation. All the rest should compete for especial attention, scholarships, admissions, food, healthcare...LOL
Oh, I derailed. Back to television. I should be painting, and I can’t cuz my muse isn’t cooperating but I almost have it. I just need to pick a damn palette and the wardrobe for the multiple Toris. OK, OK, OK! Back to television. (Worry not I will finish the piece if and only if I don’t keep getting interrupted by people or life or whatever.)
I don’t care about this or that brother of Joe Doe who I happened to take a few classes back in high school, whose name I don't even know...getting sick, or whatever else, your secretary's kid died in a car crash due to his negligent driving, OK sorry for her, but I have my own 'traumas' to deal with and guess what?: it's not something as easy to accept as an accident or illness. What you are doing on your free time, is none of my business. Thing is, December is usually a busy month for me, charged with fucking shit I do not need to know, deal, think about, confront, feel or anything. I just want to be left alone so I can paint. ALONE. If I need to eat, I’ll just kill a few lizards and make a stew with them and some snails. I’ll add moth-powdered wings and spicy flying-ant-intestine sauce for the whimsy flavor.
So finally- back to television. I have been watching Project Runway. And the show is kind of stupid, but hear this: I can’t stop watching it. OMG it's addictive. I'm addicted to a stupid show. I’ve also watched a lot of Kathy Griffin who is funny sometimes, but more controversial than funny. I like it that she speaks so much shit about all the celebs, but I would love it more if I actually cared more about these celebs so I could laugh more. Also she has taken a bit of material from Margaret Cho- who actually does make me laugh more.
Back to Project Runway: wouldn’t it be fabulous if we had our very own… show for visual artists. Well, one for Photographers and another for Painters/Draftsmen... You can't mix these two usually: they'll rip the gallery to shreds. The painters will say photography is not an art and the photographers will take pics of the painters pieces and say it's Appropriation, or of the artists themselves doing artwork, or of themselves cuz they don't have the moolah or the charm to score with actual models. So I'll focus on my team, the painters and draftsmen. We'll just get 15 of them and a panel of very, very, very bitchy judges consisting of: a deadbeat famous artist who won’t be making it anymore cuz s/he got too old/last season/retro image/etc. (you got the idea no?), the changing 'chair' who's always new per show and challenge, the obvious asslicker with connection with the show’s producer who is always there, no one knows him or her, well let's say they do know him but s/he's not as famous as s/he thinks, but s/he knows people, aaaaaaaaand of course, the hateful art magazine editor/director. The only requirement is that they are extremely bitchy.
On this same note: hi!, you who thought I was fucking Brazilian. Nothing against Brazilians by the way- they are hot people- but wtf?, you could’ve at least sent me an em@il to ask me about my freaking nationality. Do I look Brazilian guys? All the American, Puerto Rican, Spanish & German blood in me (to not trail into the Native American, British, Scottish, yadda yadda, oh wait, I trailed already…) boils at the thought of being confused with a Brazilian, not because I don’t like Brazilians but because I just dislike the Portuguese language, makes me sleep. Although not as much as I diss French.
Back to the show, we’d also need a psychiatrist and a bunch of buff psych-ward experienced nurses with a healthy supply of restraining shirts and drugs. Also to ban any sort of cutting instrument from the premises in case any of the rejected artists gets too emo and decides to check out early. The show would be much more intense…since the time span instead of a day or two should be extended to 2-3 weeks- unless you want a bunch of ripped off overpainted shit as end results… This time extension will be so delicious to build up drama boiling point.
Drama, OMG, so much drama in Runway… all of them try too hard to call attention and pretend to have any style whatsoever…and the few people who actually have style and innovation get eliminated really early for overstepping way too much over the line. And then others who actually don’t overstep over the line, get eliminated for not being more original. Decide for fucks sake! Oh and all of them ‘learned a lot’ and are very very very grateful for the experience. Bitches, pleaaaaase! I bet most of us can translate these “learning experiences” to “omg that fucking bitch dissed me and I’m eliminated and I don’t even get to say proper goodbye to the roommate whose farts I’ve been smelling for all these nights”. But as much as I criticize it, it’s delicious to watch.
Art School was sort of like Project Runway in many ways. You’ll get an assignment, then put up to be judged in front of all your peers, just that instead of 4-5 judges, you had an entire group to shred you to pieces if they wanted. But you actually didn’t have to concede power- all you needed was a strong enough personality to be intimidating and they wouldn’t dare say a thing. This would leave only you vs. the professor. So much sass and drama. I think I miss it.
Online art communities should learn a lil’ bit from this Art School/Project Runway dynamics. I think most of the time people online asslick and applaud anything as if it’s mommy’s fridge’s door art-magnet place… Most of the time you cannot discern (unless you are actually very self critical) what critique is sincere and which is not…cuz they all LOVE IT. It sucks but they love it, and you have always improved so much. Whatever happened to honesty and frankness and all the well-deserved bitchiness… Little Buddha Syndrome again?
And if you do happen to give a sincere critique, for constructive purposes (not a flame war of course), then be prepared to don your armor for a lot of missiles will come your way… either from the critiqué or the entourage… Reality is: out there things run more along the bitchiness and the drama found in this TV show than all the asslicking found online... and most artists would benefit greatly if they were just a little less stubborn and a little more open to growth.
For fucks sake! I DON’T CARE IF YOUR KID SAID DADDY FOR THE FIRST TIME. By the time your kid learned to say "Mommy" I was already running, talking in complete sentences and drawing all over the place. Get a life or get a real baby genius! I rather do it the Asian way. One worshipped kid per nation. All the rest should compete for especial attention, scholarships, admissions, food, healthcare...LOL
Oh, I derailed. Back to television. I should be painting, and I can’t cuz my muse isn’t cooperating but I almost have it. I just need to pick a damn palette and the wardrobe for the multiple Toris. OK, OK, OK! Back to television. (Worry not I will finish the piece if and only if I don’t keep getting interrupted by people or life or whatever.)
I don’t care about this or that brother of Joe Doe who I happened to take a few classes back in high school, whose name I don't even know...getting sick, or whatever else, your secretary's kid died in a car crash due to his negligent driving, OK sorry for her, but I have my own 'traumas' to deal with and guess what?: it's not something as easy to accept as an accident or illness. What you are doing on your free time, is none of my business. Thing is, December is usually a busy month for me, charged with fucking shit I do not need to know, deal, think about, confront, feel or anything. I just want to be left alone so I can paint. ALONE. If I need to eat, I’ll just kill a few lizards and make a stew with them and some snails. I’ll add moth-powdered wings and spicy flying-ant-intestine sauce for the whimsy flavor.
So finally- back to television. I have been watching Project Runway. And the show is kind of stupid, but hear this: I can’t stop watching it. OMG it's addictive. I'm addicted to a stupid show. I’ve also watched a lot of Kathy Griffin who is funny sometimes, but more controversial than funny. I like it that she speaks so much shit about all the celebs, but I would love it more if I actually cared more about these celebs so I could laugh more. Also she has taken a bit of material from Margaret Cho- who actually does make me laugh more.
Back to Project Runway: wouldn’t it be fabulous if we had our very own… show for visual artists. Well, one for Photographers and another for Painters/Draftsmen... You can't mix these two usually: they'll rip the gallery to shreds. The painters will say photography is not an art and the photographers will take pics of the painters pieces and say it's Appropriation, or of the artists themselves doing artwork, or of themselves cuz they don't have the moolah or the charm to score with actual models. So I'll focus on my team, the painters and draftsmen. We'll just get 15 of them and a panel of very, very, very bitchy judges consisting of: a deadbeat famous artist who won’t be making it anymore cuz s/he got too old/last season/retro image/etc. (you got the idea no?), the changing 'chair' who's always new per show and challenge, the obvious asslicker with connection with the show’s producer who is always there, no one knows him or her, well let's say they do know him but s/he's not as famous as s/he thinks, but s/he knows people, aaaaaaaaand of course, the hateful art magazine editor/director. The only requirement is that they are extremely bitchy.
On this same note: hi!, you who thought I was fucking Brazilian. Nothing against Brazilians by the way- they are hot people- but wtf?, you could’ve at least sent me an em@il to ask me about my freaking nationality. Do I look Brazilian guys? All the American, Puerto Rican, Spanish & German blood in me (to not trail into the Native American, British, Scottish, yadda yadda, oh wait, I trailed already…) boils at the thought of being confused with a Brazilian, not because I don’t like Brazilians but because I just dislike the Portuguese language, makes me sleep. Although not as much as I diss French.
Back to the show, we’d also need a psychiatrist and a bunch of buff psych-ward experienced nurses with a healthy supply of restraining shirts and drugs. Also to ban any sort of cutting instrument from the premises in case any of the rejected artists gets too emo and decides to check out early. The show would be much more intense…since the time span instead of a day or two should be extended to 2-3 weeks- unless you want a bunch of ripped off overpainted shit as end results… This time extension will be so delicious to build up drama boiling point.
Drama, OMG, so much drama in Runway… all of them try too hard to call attention and pretend to have any style whatsoever…and the few people who actually have style and innovation get eliminated really early for overstepping way too much over the line. And then others who actually don’t overstep over the line, get eliminated for not being more original. Decide for fucks sake! Oh and all of them ‘learned a lot’ and are very very very grateful for the experience. Bitches, pleaaaaase! I bet most of us can translate these “learning experiences” to “omg that fucking bitch dissed me and I’m eliminated and I don’t even get to say proper goodbye to the roommate whose farts I’ve been smelling for all these nights”. But as much as I criticize it, it’s delicious to watch.
Art School was sort of like Project Runway in many ways. You’ll get an assignment, then put up to be judged in front of all your peers, just that instead of 4-5 judges, you had an entire group to shred you to pieces if they wanted. But you actually didn’t have to concede power- all you needed was a strong enough personality to be intimidating and they wouldn’t dare say a thing. This would leave only you vs. the professor. So much sass and drama. I think I miss it.
Online art communities should learn a lil’ bit from this Art School/Project Runway dynamics. I think most of the time people online asslick and applaud anything as if it’s mommy’s fridge’s door art-magnet place… Most of the time you cannot discern (unless you are actually very self critical) what critique is sincere and which is not…cuz they all LOVE IT. It sucks but they love it, and you have always improved so much. Whatever happened to honesty and frankness and all the well-deserved bitchiness… Little Buddha Syndrome again?
And if you do happen to give a sincere critique, for constructive purposes (not a flame war of course), then be prepared to don your armor for a lot of missiles will come your way… either from the critiqué or the entourage… Reality is: out there things run more along the bitchiness and the drama found in this TV show than all the asslicking found online... and most artists would benefit greatly if they were just a little less stubborn and a little more open to growth.