I don't understand why she does it, and i hate myself for not knowing.

[oz17]

i hate dwelling on the past. but my mom doesn't let me do much else. It's always "remember when you screwed this up?" or "you haven't changed sense this happend" But that's my life. I'm always comparing myself to what i was how ever many years ago, but why do i keep doing that? It's fucking stupid. BUt then theres that sucky part of all this, the

Comments

[hiddenmoonbeams]

You keep trying to win her affection because it's an obstacle that you haven't yet accomplished. You long for what you can't have, or what you have not yet attained. Putting you down is her way of making herself feel better about the way she lives her life. and if she really wants to play that game, she left you. It's her fault you ended up the way you are (althgouh I really dont think you've 'fucked up' half as many times as you think you have..or that she likes to tell you you have.) You're right, everyone makes mistakes. How many different fathers do her children have? Im sorry if this insults you, im not trying to like..be an asshole, but if she really has the nerve to tell you you've fucked up worse than anyone in the family... that's some bullshit as far as I can see, because you're an extremely awesome person. You really are. I may not see you as often as I'd like, but from what i've known of you, you're one of the most decent guys I've come across. Theres more Id like to say, but I think it might not be right for me to post it here.

Josh, if you ever need/want to talk to anyone.. Thats what im here for.