(no subject)
I'm sitting here, talking to my friend, and he suddenly comes out with, "I'm moving back in with ______." It felt like one of the scenes in a comedy when something happens and the record scratch SFX comes on. Not only did the girl risk outing me to my entire family in our family business with customers around, but she called my friend, behind his back, lazy, disloyal, untrustworthy and a liar. Tonight he calls me and tells me, "I am going to forget about all of the bad stuff that's happened and focus on the future." Well, I hope you're looking into the future because the exact same thing is going to happen. Every time he moves in with her, he eventually moves out because things get heated and she ends up talking about how he's a moocher and a user. Then, he had the nerve to put her on the phone to talk to me. She says, "Brandon, I text you all of the time and you never respond. You used to love me in the 10th grade. You hate me now, but I love you and if you ever need someone, I'll be here." I just don't feel like dealing with that person anymore. I don't text her for a reason. I don't hang out with her for a reason. She has changed. I have changed. We are two different people than we once were and it will never go back to the way it was. And I am thankful for that. I don't want to surround myself with people like her and, sadly, my friend is steering in that direction.
Friends disappoint me. I feel like I have no use for people sometimes. I feel like I am not even human. Like my mind does not fit into this body. I know that sounds absolutely horrible, or as if I'm "above" people. I am not saying that. I just feel like I'm not meant to be a person. Like I don't have the means to deal with humanity and the way it works. It makes me shy away from everything and put up a wall. So much, in fact, that I end up sitting in my room for days on end only to come out to go to school or to eat. Like I am some animal or some freshly discovered primitive species. I feel so discouraged when I am around someone for more than a few hours. Things start to become grating and I feel tense.
I don't want to have these expectations of people. I feel like everyone should just be perfect and that be it. Just do what is right. Do what is good and we'll be fine and you'll be fine and I'll, finally, be fine.