A Few Dry Thoughts.
Winning, contrary to popular American wisdom, is not everything: one must also be able to exploit one's success, build upon it...and the only real benefit from a great 'win' is that one normally secures a bit of breathing room in which to follow up.
Every so often, winning is fatal. That is, success...victory...leads to circumstances which undo not only any benefit from the win but also the winner. Just ask Phyrrus (Mister 'Another Such Victory And I Am Undone' Himself). It is possible to win every battle and yet lose the war, a lesson which sometimes needs to be repeated because some folks don't pay attention.
This isn't rocket science. It is, however, along the lines of 'buy low, sell high' in that it often works best in retrospect. Hindsight is 20/20. Foresight is not. But it's amazing how much repair work a little bit of common sense and forethought can save you!
Where am I going with this?
I spent a little time a couple of days ago looking over a little website that happened because a lot of small-minded bigots in California decided that a popular vote could be used to amend their state constitution to take away a court-granted civil right. Never mind the rest of my rather sharp-tongued opinion on the essential stupidity of this particular act of bigotry (which, to be fair, is precisely what has transpired down there), what I want to ponder for a while is this site: http://signingforsomething.org/blog/
This little site is a growing list of letter from people who are leaving the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints over that church's support for Proposition 8.
Now, I'll be the first person to admit that I do not have much affection for the Church of Latter-Day Saints, any more than I do Jehovah's Witnesses or snake-handlers or the likes of Phelps. I just plain do not like wavers of magic books who quote magic words--as should be clear to anyone who reads this blog. In the false choice between righteousness and compassion, I prefer compassion when possible because righteousness covers a multitude of petty sins to ugly to embrace.
But I ended up reading the letters on that site anyway. Schadenfreude? Maybe. Curiousity, certainly. I did not expect to be reminded of something I ought not have forgotten. Confirmation bias is a bitch and a half.
Some of the letters on that site are, of course, people being jerks, or fools, or throwing together a hasty 'I quit' instead of using the form letter provided (which is profound enough) to tell the Church of LDS that they want out in no uncertain terms. And then there are the ones that caught my eye.
Someone's brother committed suicide. He had AIDS. He hid this fact from his family because he was afraid of being shunned, of being denied their support because he was gay.
Another long-standing member, a fourth-generation Mormon, could no longer reconcile the pain and anguish the Church's stand was causing people he knew and had mentored.
Letters with names and addresses withheld because the submitters fear retribution for speaking what is in their hearts. Hell's Belles, the man who started the site is being excommunicated for daring, for daring! to demonstrate a social conscience, an awareness that being Right may not be as important as being Good.
Case after case of people being forced to choose between their conscience and their faith...and failed by the Church they embraced and served. Most of the time, most people who know me would probably expect me to grumble a few little words in Latin, shake my head, and forget about it. But this...
I do not like their theology. I have tried (and failed) to get through their magic book with its magic words...although I still have the copy that a friend of mine gave me, way back in high school, when he converted. I will never regard the peculiarities of their mythology with anything resembling respect, any more than I can watch a bunch of Pentecostals going loopy without feeling my stomach do a slow roll to the left. But this...
Here and now, reading those letters, I know only too well what these men and women are facing.
Here and now, I can recognize that some people do the right thing, even when it costs them so much.
Among my many, many reasons for leaving the Presbyterian Church lies a similar experience: the institution my maternal grandfather served, ably and cheerfully, for most of his adult life was supposed to be a shelter, a source of comfort and healing...and while I idealize the old man a bit, he set a good example. But change comes to all things, and the Church in which I was raised ceased to be by the time I was in high school. They became more Righteous, more judgmental, more strident. They would heal and support, yes, but only the elect. I saw a few others, in need but not good enough to receive help. Unable to reconcile the difference between what ought to be and what was, I walked away.
It doesn't really compare with a gay brother or lesbian sister, or personal tragedies enhanced by doctrine, or years of watching otherwise talented students suffer silently because of their 'sins'. Mine was a simple departure--no letter to a central office needed. As far as I know, there's no Presbyterian equivalent of excommunication. I just stopped going.
I had it easy.
These men and women, angry and sad and hurt, are heading into exile, and I wish them all well. For some, it may well prove that the hardest part is now behind them.
Which brings me back to that stuff about fatal victories. This is the sort of thing that causes reformations, this conflict between the Rules and individual consciences. Even if it's only a tiny fraction of the Faithful, even if each letter reaches only one or two others...this sort of thing builds up in a hurry.
So enjoy the fruits of victory, O Templebound. Pat yourselves on the back while you may. Ignore the pain you cause. Some day, some day soon, your children and grandchildren will look at you and wonder out loud what the hell you were thinking. Or worse, they may follow these other exiles, away from you and what you think you support.