(no subject)
well you probably all want an explaination for that last post...well i honestly think that depression i was going through off and on the past few days was just me shedding my old self...and ive been kinda bitter while i was slowly driting away.
i dont regreat it (however today should be VERY interesting due to this after effect of all the pills i took). Im glad the old me is gone. I finally found my self...or getting closer. very close.
id like to thank edward, jez, james, kane, nikki and jesse for helping me...whether it was a positive or negative way. I really needed the insults(thats not sarcastic btw...) i learned a lot.
mainly things Jesse said.... like how ive been bitter...well see above.
And he said he hardly knows me...that got me thinking. i dont know my self either.
i dont think the old me was really a true human. i didnt feel much...i was just kinda a zombie walking in a grey cloud all the time. but i killed that. ive never really been a full person...
Im ready for a change...i realized how retarded ive been lately with my whinning. so i decided its times to face my many fears and get on with life. starting today(if i last today...im extremely dizzy and some of my muscles like...dont work). Im ready to be human... i set a few goals for my self to help accomplish this. i cant do it alone...ill need people to help me out too somehow.
Jennys Goals/Steps/Etc to becoming Human
1) get over phobia of calling people by getting a phone card and calling nick
2) start eating normal...i.e get my own food and cook it my self.
3) do laps in my pool when it opens
4) dont post vents in journal. post them as private.
5) start being more social in school (participating in class, getting new acquantinces)
6) start iming people first.
7) stop biting nails (keep saying 'oh snap' to my self...my keyword for stop)
8) stop worrying so much about grades.
9) remember that im not as alone as i think.
10) cherish the friends i have now.
11) ask "how are you?" more often.
12) start holding 1 phone convo a day
13) dont assume. ever.
14) get over the past by remembering "everything happens for a reason"
15) take responsibility for my mistakes. and build on them to be better
16) sleep more.
17) get new journal and add anyone from highlands.
18) hide all the pills from me.
19) stop blaming my past for all my present problems
20) dont vent to people until i know they're alright and can handle the venting.
21) stop being online so much.
22) finish my story/poems/learn guitar/watch tv etccc(things to do instead of computer)
23) dont get other people involved in drama they dont belong in
24) dont depend on people for my happiness.
25) smile.
26) walk tall.
yea some of its kinda random. probably more to it...thats the just.
i hope people who i fucked over last night can forgive me. things are gonna be VERY different from now on.
i want my new lj to be something like "_stfu_plz_"
todays gonna be a good day.
i hope im gonna be more happier now. im in a really good mood right now...how ironic. haha.
i had this huge long speech written out in my mind...and yea this is far from it.
__stfu_plz <--new name.
i dont regreat it (however today should be VERY interesting due to this after effect of all the pills i took). Im glad the old me is gone. I finally found my self...or getting closer. very close.
id like to thank edward, jez, james, kane, nikki and jesse for helping me...whether it was a positive or negative way. I really needed the insults(thats not sarcastic btw...) i learned a lot.
mainly things Jesse said.... like how ive been bitter...well see above.
And he said he hardly knows me...that got me thinking. i dont know my self either.
i dont think the old me was really a true human. i didnt feel much...i was just kinda a zombie walking in a grey cloud all the time. but i killed that. ive never really been a full person...
Im ready for a change...i realized how retarded ive been lately with my whinning. so i decided its times to face my many fears and get on with life. starting today(if i last today...im extremely dizzy and some of my muscles like...dont work). Im ready to be human... i set a few goals for my self to help accomplish this. i cant do it alone...ill need people to help me out too somehow.
Jennys Goals/Steps/Etc to becoming Human
1) get over phobia of calling people by getting a phone card and calling nick
2) start eating normal...i.e get my own food and cook it my self.
3) do laps in my pool when it opens
4) dont post vents in journal. post them as private.
5) start being more social in school (participating in class, getting new acquantinces)
6) start iming people first.
7) stop biting nails (keep saying 'oh snap' to my self...my keyword for stop)
8) stop worrying so much about grades.
9) remember that im not as alone as i think.
10) cherish the friends i have now.
11) ask "how are you?" more often.
12) start holding 1 phone convo a day
13) dont assume. ever.
14) get over the past by remembering "everything happens for a reason"
15) take responsibility for my mistakes. and build on them to be better
16) sleep more.
17) get new journal and add anyone from highlands.
18) hide all the pills from me.
19) stop blaming my past for all my present problems
20) dont vent to people until i know they're alright and can handle the venting.
21) stop being online so much.
22) finish my story/poems/learn guitar/watch tv etccc(things to do instead of computer)
23) dont get other people involved in drama they dont belong in
24) dont depend on people for my happiness.
25) smile.
26) walk tall.
yea some of its kinda random. probably more to it...thats the just.
i hope people who i fucked over last night can forgive me. things are gonna be VERY different from now on.
i want my new lj to be something like "_stfu_plz_"
todays gonna be a good day.
i hope im gonna be more happier now. im in a really good mood right now...how ironic. haha.
i had this huge long speech written out in my mind...and yea this is far from it.
__stfu_plz <--new name.