too many thoughts in this little head.......
I really like talking to adam. I miss talking to him like we used to, in the beginning of summer when we'd talk for like 4 hours on the phone til late at night while we'd both be making waffles. He's such a great kid, he's one of the best friends i've ever had. I mean, he's one of the people i would consider my true friend. Like when all comes down to whatever it comes down to, he's one of my true friends. But yeah, I like hearing his problems, and giving him my opinion on them, not my advice, well apperently it ends up being advice, but i dont mean for it to be. I like just listening to what he has to say. That kid puts up with a lot of shit from the people he lives with. No privacy at all. I dont know what I'd do.
When I was talking to him I started crying, I dont know if knew I was crying or not, but I was. I was writting in my notebook the other day, and out of nowhere I realised that Im afraid of my parents. I dont want to be. I didn't even realise I was writting it and i was like whoa what im afraid of them??? And i was like jesus christ on a cross i am. I dont want to be. I want to be me. I dont want to have to worry about what my parents will think about what im doing. I dont want to have to not be able to have as much fun as I could because my parents wouldn't apperciate it. And then Adam told me that they all thought that I was afraid of my parents because how i never do anything and when i do i just get super paranoid. And thats no fun you know. I dont know...it....its just not fair. My brother can come home drunk and stoned and play it off, when you know they know they just act like they dont, and yet if I did something like that, I wouldn't be able to hang out with any of the people i was with, and all of their parents would know about it. And you know what, that whole, well David is almost 18. Its like okay, well not everybody does things at the same age, people do things differently and just because david does something at some age doesn't mean that i should have to wait til im that age to do it. i dont know.
xxoxooxox
When I was talking to him I started crying, I dont know if knew I was crying or not, but I was. I was writting in my notebook the other day, and out of nowhere I realised that Im afraid of my parents. I dont want to be. I didn't even realise I was writting it and i was like whoa what im afraid of them??? And i was like jesus christ on a cross i am. I dont want to be. I want to be me. I dont want to have to worry about what my parents will think about what im doing. I dont want to have to not be able to have as much fun as I could because my parents wouldn't apperciate it. And then Adam told me that they all thought that I was afraid of my parents because how i never do anything and when i do i just get super paranoid. And thats no fun you know. I dont know...it....its just not fair. My brother can come home drunk and stoned and play it off, when you know they know they just act like they dont, and yet if I did something like that, I wouldn't be able to hang out with any of the people i was with, and all of their parents would know about it. And you know what, that whole, well David is almost 18. Its like okay, well not everybody does things at the same age, people do things differently and just because david does something at some age doesn't mean that i should have to wait til im that age to do it. i dont know.
xxoxooxox