This is a long day.
Im real sick right now. And if you know me at all you will know im not lying when i say that this is one of the bitchiest days i will have. Im miserable right now, and im not sure why. I feel so weak, so out done. If i had an expiration date i would have gone bad 2 days ago. I have insomnia pretty back again. i didnt go to sleep until 6 am... it really sucks, and i look horrible and unhealthy.
I have a boyfriend, or lack of a boyfriend. His name is ray, and im sure i have mentioned him in less recent entries. His job, friends, and partying habits get in the way of us. Now i know im not the worst girlfriend in the world, nor am i the best. So should i be treated like im the worst. nnnoooo, im not stupid. When he fucks up with me, he will do something to make me feel better. Of course its always money related. Like sending a dozen roses to my work, or coming over and surprising me with a new present, or when he buys me expensive stuff and then returns it because i did something wrong. On a good day he will get out of his durango to hug me and open the door. On a bad day he will pick me up in the acura and wont bother to open the door. On a bad day he will pick me up and drop me back off about 10 minutes later. I dont see much of him though. And when i know im not going to see him you could think that he would want to talk to me. No, he will promise to call me when he gets back into town... But then you wonder if hes even coming back into town tonight. Then i get no calls at all till the next morning. i only have a boyfriend when its convenient for him, and i need something more. So this will be coming to an end soon, maybe today...
Jon is moving on. he likes this girl named jess... he told me yesterday. It hurt, i wont lie. It hurt more than anything. I cant do anything. And if i could, i wouldnt know what to do. things are just messed up.
Its sams birthday today though. so happy birthday to her. I just cant concentrate. i have a doctors appt at 3:30, i need to go get ready.