The Boyfr!end's Ex: The Letter
!! Dear Whomever Gives A Damn !!
I don't know why, but I decided to start writing Karissa a letter. For some reason, writing to her, getting everything out - seemed to be a logical choice. All I do is talk circles around the poor girl, and I guess that I figured writing her would help me and maybe help her. At the same time, there was that fear of sending her a letter - because maybe she'd think that it's basically permission to try and come between Kris and myself. Though, part of me doesn't believe she is purposely trying to come between us - but another part of me is screaming that is all she is trying to do is come between us and take everything away from me.
Dear Karissa,
I want you to know that this is probably the hardest letter I've ever written in my entire life, and it's not getting any easier with each word that appears before my eyes. I've tried time and time again, to find the perfect words to write to you, but I've yet to find them. But I know that if I do not get this all out, that I'm going to go crazy, and I am probably going to regret it.
I want you to know, that, I know how you feel. It probably doesn't make any sense to you, but, if you knew everything - I am sure that it would all make perfect sense. I've talked circles around you, speaking to many close to you, and many not so close to you about you. I am not going to lie. It has not been bad, but mostly out of fear. Finally, I decided that it would probably be best if I just spoke to you directly.
I don't want to come off as some psycho path, and I don't want to come off as though I'm seeking to destroy you - because I'm mostly certainly not meaning to do either. To be totally honest, I don't even know why I am writing or - or what I am hoping to accomplish out of it - but at the moment, my heart and mind are so entwined together and so confused in this whirl wind of events that I don't know what else to do.
Many, many times - I have tried to get Kris to be honest with me about you. As everyone is quite aware, you two have a history, and I've never been very accepting of it - but - I have come to accept now, that you two have had a history together, and that no matter what I do or say - you will always have had a history together. There is no erasing the past, and there is no erasing what has happened - and to move foward, you've got to accept it and move on. So. I have.
It took a very long time. Three years, to be exact, to get him to be honest with me about you. How honest he's been, I'm not sure, but I am trusting that he has been as honest as he's always been. I want him to know that he can be honest with me about everything - including you.
I do not know much about your history with Kris, but I do recall the way that he would look at you - like you were the only person in the universe. I remember the way that he would do almost anything that you wanted, and he did it with a smile on his face. I remember hearing the tone of voice that he used with you, and only you - and I remember the way that you two would laugh together. Even though you two were not together, there was still something there, and not only did I see it - but everybody did.
The reason that I am writing to you, is because, I know how you feel. You still, have no idea what I am talking about, and I am going to be honest with you - no lies. Do not be angry with me, please, I hope you just understand why I did what I did.
Kris has had a habit of lying to me about you, I think mostly to protect you, himself, and me. Though, all I've ever really wanted from him, was to be honest with me. Even though knowing about you two would kill me, I wanted to know. He would never tell me though. Ever. Which led me to do what I had done.
Last week, I had decided that I wanted to go onto eBay and buy a ring for him. I wanted to surprise him for Christmas. I was going to get him a bunch of small things, and then surprise him with this ring. I didn't know his eBay info, so I asked him if I could have his e-mail address and password. I logged on, got all the information I needed - and then - I sat there debating "Should I or shouldn't I?" in regards to whether or not I should look through his e-mail inbox.
Honestly, I knew it was wrong, and sometimes, I still wish I wouldn't have found the e-mails, but I did and now I have to live with the consequences of finding those e-mails. The e-mails which you two exchanged, and in which Kris lied to me about.
It seems as though everyone around me, over the course of the past three years, has had a grudge against me and has tried to come between me and Kris. I am not saying that is what your plan was, or what you'd hope to accomplish in telling Kris how you truly felt. I just want you to know how much it has hurt me, over the past three years, to hear from people how much more fun another woman is, how much more beautiful and skinny another woman is. How smart another woman is. But what hurts even more, is to know that this other woman people are speaking of - is your boyfriend's ex girlfriend.
I don't say all of these things to make you feel bad for me, or to make you feel guilty for writing Kris - because that is your right. You have every right to write to him, and to see him. I cannot stop you. Just as he has every right to write to you, and to see you. I cannot stop him. I say it, because I want you to know just how rough it's been - and that all I've really truly wanted, is for him to be happy.
I feel like you don't know the pain that I have felt, but maybe you do. I won't say that you don't know how I feel - but - after reading the e-mails, time and time again - I feel like I know the pain that you are feeling, because, I once experienced it.
How you wrote that you have always been greedy over Kris, and that you've never been really able to let go of him. There was once a guy in my life, whom I thought I was so in love with, that I just couldn't let go of. I was greedy over him, hated hearing that he was with another woman, and moved on with his life. Though, in the end it just turned out to be a huge infatuation.
But when I read that, I really began to think about my past, and realized that - it all makes sense. I never understood why the other girl got so upset when I wrote to her boyfriend, and expressed how I felt. I never understood that fear and insecurity that she felt. But now, after everything that has happened - I do understand, because I feel all of those things now.
Karissa, all I've ever really wanted for Kris was to make him happy - and lately, I feel as though I am truly failing at it. I try so hard to make him smile, and it seems that I just continue to fail at it. I clean, I cook, I bake, I let him and try to encourage him to spend as much time with friends as possible. I've given him a daughter, and now another child. All I've ever wanted for him, was to be happy, and lately - I feel like he has been living a lie and I can no longer take it.
For the past three years, people have told me that he was in love with you and still is in love with you. I've been told that if you ever came back, he would leave me in a heart beat for you, and honestly, lately, I feel like he would too - and very recently, if he ever did, I wouldn't blame him. I feel like you can give him so much more than what I've ever been able to do.
I don't want to let him go, and I don't want to have to fight for him. I feel like you had your chance, you know? I mean. It's my chance now, and you had yours. I know that makes me sound like a horrible person - but - you had many, many chances. Everyone knew it, and I don't feel it is fair that you're trying to take away my chance. But, at the same time, if that is what he wants - then - I will gracefully step aside, because that is what he wants - you. Not me. Not some other woman. But you.
But he hasn't said that he loves you, or that he wants you. He has said that he wants me, and he wants to work it out with me. He gets quite upset when I ask about you, and I don't know if it is because he wish I would just give it up - or what, but I want him to understand that you two have a history together, and nothing will ever change it. History may repeat itself. Which means, there could be a chance that he wants to be with you again - but he doesn't - but I wanted you to know that I do understand why, in a way, you wrote him to tell him all these things.
It's confusing, and it has me lost in some ways. How are you supposed to react when your boyfriend's ex writes him and confesses how she truly feels, when he has a you as a girlfriend and a family with you? I admit, I was angry - but not nearly as much as I was heart broken. I just wish that you two could be honest in the open, so I don't need to be kept in the dark. I know it sounds confusing, and strange, because most would rather be kept in the dark and not know - but I would rather know, that way I'm not thrown a surprise.
Just understand why I'm upset, and understand that you had your chance, and I wish that you would understand that. I know that it is hard, and I know how hard it is to be greedy over someone and to never be able to really let go of them - but - I believe that it is best for all of us if we could all just let go. To move forward, you have to let go of the past. I don't want to sound like I'm telling you to "fuck off" because I don't care that you two are friends, but I want you to understand, that as long as Kris and I are together, I don't want you to be confessing how you feel all the time. If he wants you, you know that he'll be with you. He'll choose you. But he hasn't yet, as much as sometimes it feels as though he has chosen you over me.
Just, please, understand where I am coming from - and respect that. I respect that you two have a history, and I respect that it will never go away and that you are greedy over him and cannot accept that he has someone else - but he does - and I wish that you would respect that by no longer telling him how you feel. Don't split my family apart. If my family falls apart, I don't want it to be because of someone outside of the family. If it falls apart, I want it to be between Kris and myself - not a third party. You know?
I apologize if this hurt you, or angered you in any way - but I was so sick of being quiet, and was so sick and tired of talking circles around you but never directly to you about this all.
Sincerely,
Tw!nkers
I never sent her the letter, and don't plan on it. For a while, I considered sending it - but I then thought about it and realized that if I sent her this letter, not only would she probably get uncontrollably angry with me - she may feel as though she has every right to talk to Kris and continue to confess to him how she feels - possibly in the hopes of him leaving me and his children.
Honestly, I do want our family to fall apart because of Kris or me if it does fall apart. I don't want it to fall apart, and I don't want her to be the reason that it falls apart. I want her to mind her own business, and move on. She even has a boyfriend of her own, but yet she insists on writing another man - while being with someone else - and confessing how she feels. I mean, seriously, you can't have the cake and eat it too. I don't mean that in a harsh or bitchy way, but it's true.
If she honestly has feelings for Kris, and cannot move on that easily, why drag this guy around while waiting for Kris to come back? I just wish that she would move on, but I understand why she is the way that she is and why she is doing what she is doing - because she probably doesn't want to regret never saying anything - but - I honestly wish she'd move on. She had her chance, now it's my chance and I feel like she is trying to rob me of that.
ox (! Tw!nkers !) xo
♥ ♥ ♥
I don't know why, but I decided to start writing Karissa a letter. For some reason, writing to her, getting everything out - seemed to be a logical choice. All I do is talk circles around the poor girl, and I guess that I figured writing her would help me and maybe help her. At the same time, there was that fear of sending her a letter - because maybe she'd think that it's basically permission to try and come between Kris and myself. Though, part of me doesn't believe she is purposely trying to come between us - but another part of me is screaming that is all she is trying to do is come between us and take everything away from me.
Dear Karissa,
I want you to know that this is probably the hardest letter I've ever written in my entire life, and it's not getting any easier with each word that appears before my eyes. I've tried time and time again, to find the perfect words to write to you, but I've yet to find them. But I know that if I do not get this all out, that I'm going to go crazy, and I am probably going to regret it.
I want you to know, that, I know how you feel. It probably doesn't make any sense to you, but, if you knew everything - I am sure that it would all make perfect sense. I've talked circles around you, speaking to many close to you, and many not so close to you about you. I am not going to lie. It has not been bad, but mostly out of fear. Finally, I decided that it would probably be best if I just spoke to you directly.
I don't want to come off as some psycho path, and I don't want to come off as though I'm seeking to destroy you - because I'm mostly certainly not meaning to do either. To be totally honest, I don't even know why I am writing or - or what I am hoping to accomplish out of it - but at the moment, my heart and mind are so entwined together and so confused in this whirl wind of events that I don't know what else to do.
Many, many times - I have tried to get Kris to be honest with me about you. As everyone is quite aware, you two have a history, and I've never been very accepting of it - but - I have come to accept now, that you two have had a history together, and that no matter what I do or say - you will always have had a history together. There is no erasing the past, and there is no erasing what has happened - and to move foward, you've got to accept it and move on. So. I have.
It took a very long time. Three years, to be exact, to get him to be honest with me about you. How honest he's been, I'm not sure, but I am trusting that he has been as honest as he's always been. I want him to know that he can be honest with me about everything - including you.
I do not know much about your history with Kris, but I do recall the way that he would look at you - like you were the only person in the universe. I remember the way that he would do almost anything that you wanted, and he did it with a smile on his face. I remember hearing the tone of voice that he used with you, and only you - and I remember the way that you two would laugh together. Even though you two were not together, there was still something there, and not only did I see it - but everybody did.
The reason that I am writing to you, is because, I know how you feel. You still, have no idea what I am talking about, and I am going to be honest with you - no lies. Do not be angry with me, please, I hope you just understand why I did what I did.
Kris has had a habit of lying to me about you, I think mostly to protect you, himself, and me. Though, all I've ever really wanted from him, was to be honest with me. Even though knowing about you two would kill me, I wanted to know. He would never tell me though. Ever. Which led me to do what I had done.
Last week, I had decided that I wanted to go onto eBay and buy a ring for him. I wanted to surprise him for Christmas. I was going to get him a bunch of small things, and then surprise him with this ring. I didn't know his eBay info, so I asked him if I could have his e-mail address and password. I logged on, got all the information I needed - and then - I sat there debating "Should I or shouldn't I?" in regards to whether or not I should look through his e-mail inbox.
Honestly, I knew it was wrong, and sometimes, I still wish I wouldn't have found the e-mails, but I did and now I have to live with the consequences of finding those e-mails. The e-mails which you two exchanged, and in which Kris lied to me about.
It seems as though everyone around me, over the course of the past three years, has had a grudge against me and has tried to come between me and Kris. I am not saying that is what your plan was, or what you'd hope to accomplish in telling Kris how you truly felt. I just want you to know how much it has hurt me, over the past three years, to hear from people how much more fun another woman is, how much more beautiful and skinny another woman is. How smart another woman is. But what hurts even more, is to know that this other woman people are speaking of - is your boyfriend's ex girlfriend.
I don't say all of these things to make you feel bad for me, or to make you feel guilty for writing Kris - because that is your right. You have every right to write to him, and to see him. I cannot stop you. Just as he has every right to write to you, and to see you. I cannot stop him. I say it, because I want you to know just how rough it's been - and that all I've really truly wanted, is for him to be happy.
I feel like you don't know the pain that I have felt, but maybe you do. I won't say that you don't know how I feel - but - after reading the e-mails, time and time again - I feel like I know the pain that you are feeling, because, I once experienced it.
How you wrote that you have always been greedy over Kris, and that you've never been really able to let go of him. There was once a guy in my life, whom I thought I was so in love with, that I just couldn't let go of. I was greedy over him, hated hearing that he was with another woman, and moved on with his life. Though, in the end it just turned out to be a huge infatuation.
But when I read that, I really began to think about my past, and realized that - it all makes sense. I never understood why the other girl got so upset when I wrote to her boyfriend, and expressed how I felt. I never understood that fear and insecurity that she felt. But now, after everything that has happened - I do understand, because I feel all of those things now.
Karissa, all I've ever really wanted for Kris was to make him happy - and lately, I feel as though I am truly failing at it. I try so hard to make him smile, and it seems that I just continue to fail at it. I clean, I cook, I bake, I let him and try to encourage him to spend as much time with friends as possible. I've given him a daughter, and now another child. All I've ever wanted for him, was to be happy, and lately - I feel like he has been living a lie and I can no longer take it.
For the past three years, people have told me that he was in love with you and still is in love with you. I've been told that if you ever came back, he would leave me in a heart beat for you, and honestly, lately, I feel like he would too - and very recently, if he ever did, I wouldn't blame him. I feel like you can give him so much more than what I've ever been able to do.
I don't want to let him go, and I don't want to have to fight for him. I feel like you had your chance, you know? I mean. It's my chance now, and you had yours. I know that makes me sound like a horrible person - but - you had many, many chances. Everyone knew it, and I don't feel it is fair that you're trying to take away my chance. But, at the same time, if that is what he wants - then - I will gracefully step aside, because that is what he wants - you. Not me. Not some other woman. But you.
But he hasn't said that he loves you, or that he wants you. He has said that he wants me, and he wants to work it out with me. He gets quite upset when I ask about you, and I don't know if it is because he wish I would just give it up - or what, but I want him to understand that you two have a history together, and nothing will ever change it. History may repeat itself. Which means, there could be a chance that he wants to be with you again - but he doesn't - but I wanted you to know that I do understand why, in a way, you wrote him to tell him all these things.
It's confusing, and it has me lost in some ways. How are you supposed to react when your boyfriend's ex writes him and confesses how she truly feels, when he has a you as a girlfriend and a family with you? I admit, I was angry - but not nearly as much as I was heart broken. I just wish that you two could be honest in the open, so I don't need to be kept in the dark. I know it sounds confusing, and strange, because most would rather be kept in the dark and not know - but I would rather know, that way I'm not thrown a surprise.
Just understand why I'm upset, and understand that you had your chance, and I wish that you would understand that. I know that it is hard, and I know how hard it is to be greedy over someone and to never be able to really let go of them - but - I believe that it is best for all of us if we could all just let go. To move forward, you have to let go of the past. I don't want to sound like I'm telling you to "fuck off" because I don't care that you two are friends, but I want you to understand, that as long as Kris and I are together, I don't want you to be confessing how you feel all the time. If he wants you, you know that he'll be with you. He'll choose you. But he hasn't yet, as much as sometimes it feels as though he has chosen you over me.
Just, please, understand where I am coming from - and respect that. I respect that you two have a history, and I respect that it will never go away and that you are greedy over him and cannot accept that he has someone else - but he does - and I wish that you would respect that by no longer telling him how you feel. Don't split my family apart. If my family falls apart, I don't want it to be because of someone outside of the family. If it falls apart, I want it to be between Kris and myself - not a third party. You know?
I apologize if this hurt you, or angered you in any way - but I was so sick of being quiet, and was so sick and tired of talking circles around you but never directly to you about this all.
Sincerely,
Tw!nkers
I never sent her the letter, and don't plan on it. For a while, I considered sending it - but I then thought about it and realized that if I sent her this letter, not only would she probably get uncontrollably angry with me - she may feel as though she has every right to talk to Kris and continue to confess to him how she feels - possibly in the hopes of him leaving me and his children.
Honestly, I do want our family to fall apart because of Kris or me if it does fall apart. I don't want it to fall apart, and I don't want her to be the reason that it falls apart. I want her to mind her own business, and move on. She even has a boyfriend of her own, but yet she insists on writing another man - while being with someone else - and confessing how she feels. I mean, seriously, you can't have the cake and eat it too. I don't mean that in a harsh or bitchy way, but it's true.
If she honestly has feelings for Kris, and cannot move on that easily, why drag this guy around while waiting for Kris to come back? I just wish that she would move on, but I understand why she is the way that she is and why she is doing what she is doing - because she probably doesn't want to regret never saying anything - but - I honestly wish she'd move on. She had her chance, now it's my chance and I feel like she is trying to rob me of that.
ox (! Tw!nkers !) xo
♥ ♥ ♥