Find out where she got her wings
My mom scared me. I hurt my finger. I had this thing about… singing. Things I’ll Never Say. Dave. I’m right. No I am. No. Yes. No. Yes. I started crying. I told Mike he knows he loves me. He has yet to answer. I could hold my breath and feel my heart beat in every inch of me. I wonder what that feels like as it slows to a stop… I IMed Chris. I was crying but when he still hadn’t answered and the tears had subsided I figured it was for the best. Beautiful girls don’t make mistakes. Beautiful girls don’t cry. Beautiful girls don’t need second chances. They get it on the first try. It’s too bad I’m only beautiful with tears in my eyes. I couldn’t be pretty enough for either of them. Any of them. I was thinking today in Target of all places, if I could start over, would I change anything? Would I never have told Dave I loved him? Would I never have gone out with Chris? Would I never have kissed Mike? Would I never have cut? Or told Eric I was cutting so he could get me help? Would I have lied to my parents? Would I have come back to Alyssa all those times? I wouldn’t change anything, even after how much I hurt. Because it was so beautiful when I was there. GOD! Stupid asshole! I HATE HIM! I am SO stupid. How could I have thought this would work? That we would happen? HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID!? Simon is solace now. I’m sitting here confining in him because he’s better than anyone else. I think he’d get it more. I feel kind of stupid crying to my best friends boyfriend. But he was online and she’s not home and… I’m shaking so hard. I am so stupid. So stupid. I’m a sucker. He’s right. I am phyco. Either I have to learn not to care about his game or I have to cut him off completely. I’m calling Eric tonight. Getting this straightened out. Fixing this.
I feel better now… better-ish. Still shaking. Breathing… hungry (hungery)… No new cuts on my ankle. In the form of hearts or otherwise. I’m smiling. I’m okay. It’ll be okay. I can do this. I can. I will. I can.
Tell you a secret
Like that game in the book
I’ve been reading for the past month
You were always amazed at how much I read
Too bad I can’t count as well
Well, here’s my confession:
I still have Ventnor Avenue
It’s in my jewelry box
Where all my memories go
Small enough to fit
I don’t think I’ll ever put it back
RoaDphAntOm13 (1:56:29 PM): well hot dog i feel special