That ol' time religion
I have been going to church.
I haven't belonged to a church in more than 30 years. I was brought up Presbyterian and attended services regularly. I went to three church youth summer camps in my high school days and taught Bible school for two summers. My father was a deacon and both parents (and sometimes I) sang in the church choir. My uncle was a minister and my grandfather was also a deacon. I was fully embraced in the bosom of church life.
But I left. I wasn't anti-religion or atheist but I began to look at organized religion as a terribly flawed idea. Everything seemed based on the idea that you were in church as a committed believer, with no room to question or doubt the validity of the structure. It started for me with the Apostles Creed. It begins with 'I believe...', only there were things there than I wasn't sure I DID believe. So I began to have trouble finishing it. I never found anyone who would really talk to me about it. All they wanted was that leap of faith. I needed to search for God but in a way that required questions that no one was willing to discuss.
I started reading books about the early church, Paul's involvement, the development of Christianity, the selection of the Gospels, the Old Testament, Jewish history, Jehovah and Yahweh, the Koran, Islam, the Reformation, the beginnings of the Presbyterian church, the religious revival in America in the early 1800's, Mormonism, the rise of the Pentecostal churches. With the birth of cable TV, I watched (not religiously mind you) ETWN- Catholic programming; TBN- the mish-mash of singing, laying on of hands, and huckstering; and saw broadcasts by Billy Sunday, Billy Graham, Fulton Sheen, Jim & Tammy, Swaggart and Robertson.
A quick aside: I love watching some of that 'come to Jesus' shtick. How at times they'll rattle off a quote from Jesus that will never be found in the Bible. How some drape themselves in the American flag and unknowingly quote Bob Dylan "With God on our side". Ha! Like He isn't exasperated over the stupid shit we do. Some of the charlatans are so obviously about the money it's amazing that the other seemingly sincere people don't kick their butts off the network. Now, even worse, there are neo-Rush Limbaughs at the pulpit, spewing hate and vitriol, and ignoring truth, the most dangerous kind of inciter of all. The mixture of Christianity with right-wing politics is obscene. Watching them preach is like watching the old Morton Downey show.
Back to me.
When I left my parents home, I never joined another church. Instead, I read and studied. We have, in our study, about 70 books on various religions, the Bible, the lost gospels (ones that never made the Canon), the early church, and other related subjects; all well-read. I ended up with a lot of book knowledge, a vague feeling about the Christian Church, and a more connected but a less orthodox relationship with God. The Universe. Feeling guided, taught, and cared for. But unable or unwilling to practice the rites.
About 7 weeks ago, Misslam asked if I would go with her and I said I would. Because she asked and I wanted to do that for her. I had no real expectations. The church was very lovely; the service was warmly familiar and the sermon was intelligent. If it had been 'blah, blah, blah Jesus', then I probably would never had gone back with any ardor. But even with all the symbols and ceremony, it wasn't that at all. And we found ourselves going every Sunday and attending classes. The talks have been engaging and encompassing and exactly what I've needed to hear to keep going. It's obviously about me, right? The music is beautiful and the rituals aren't the red flags they once were for me. I find myself looking forward to going again which feels vaguely odd to actually contemplate.
I've found myself thinking a lot about what I believe and even considering what I might give up for Lent. Sacrifice can be a soul's best sustenance. So, even though I've never actually given up ANYTHING for Lent before (the practice isn't part of the Presbyterian observance), I'm thinking of doing just that. I have two more days to decide what would be fitting choice.
I've considered the Seven Deadly Sins....Sloth, Gluttony, Anger, Lust, Greed, Envy, and Pride. Of those, I'm probably most guilty of Gluttony, but is going on a diet a way of observing Lent? The person I lust for is the one I SHOULD lust for, so that's a bad idea. I think God is all for sex. I'm not very sloth-like, nor particularly greedy. My temper isn't a real issue nor am I eaten by envy. I suppose I can be boastful and full of myself at times (as this blog is witness) but I'm not sure what it would take to humble myself. Maybe I should address the glutton with a semi-fast of brown rice & veggies for 6 weeks. 40 days and nights.
Where I ended up tonight was flipping through Bill Moyer's 'Genesis' and thinking and questioning.
And you know that can't be bad.
I haven't belonged to a church in more than 30 years. I was brought up Presbyterian and attended services regularly. I went to three church youth summer camps in my high school days and taught Bible school for two summers. My father was a deacon and both parents (and sometimes I) sang in the church choir. My uncle was a minister and my grandfather was also a deacon. I was fully embraced in the bosom of church life.
But I left. I wasn't anti-religion or atheist but I began to look at organized religion as a terribly flawed idea. Everything seemed based on the idea that you were in church as a committed believer, with no room to question or doubt the validity of the structure. It started for me with the Apostles Creed. It begins with 'I believe...', only there were things there than I wasn't sure I DID believe. So I began to have trouble finishing it. I never found anyone who would really talk to me about it. All they wanted was that leap of faith. I needed to search for God but in a way that required questions that no one was willing to discuss.
I started reading books about the early church, Paul's involvement, the development of Christianity, the selection of the Gospels, the Old Testament, Jewish history, Jehovah and Yahweh, the Koran, Islam, the Reformation, the beginnings of the Presbyterian church, the religious revival in America in the early 1800's, Mormonism, the rise of the Pentecostal churches. With the birth of cable TV, I watched (not religiously mind you) ETWN- Catholic programming; TBN- the mish-mash of singing, laying on of hands, and huckstering; and saw broadcasts by Billy Sunday, Billy Graham, Fulton Sheen, Jim & Tammy, Swaggart and Robertson.
A quick aside: I love watching some of that 'come to Jesus' shtick. How at times they'll rattle off a quote from Jesus that will never be found in the Bible. How some drape themselves in the American flag and unknowingly quote Bob Dylan "With God on our side". Ha! Like He isn't exasperated over the stupid shit we do. Some of the charlatans are so obviously about the money it's amazing that the other seemingly sincere people don't kick their butts off the network. Now, even worse, there are neo-Rush Limbaughs at the pulpit, spewing hate and vitriol, and ignoring truth, the most dangerous kind of inciter of all. The mixture of Christianity with right-wing politics is obscene. Watching them preach is like watching the old Morton Downey show.
Back to me.
When I left my parents home, I never joined another church. Instead, I read and studied. We have, in our study, about 70 books on various religions, the Bible, the lost gospels (ones that never made the Canon), the early church, and other related subjects; all well-read. I ended up with a lot of book knowledge, a vague feeling about the Christian Church, and a more connected but a less orthodox relationship with God. The Universe. Feeling guided, taught, and cared for. But unable or unwilling to practice the rites.
About 7 weeks ago, Misslam asked if I would go with her and I said I would. Because she asked and I wanted to do that for her. I had no real expectations. The church was very lovely; the service was warmly familiar and the sermon was intelligent. If it had been 'blah, blah, blah Jesus', then I probably would never had gone back with any ardor. But even with all the symbols and ceremony, it wasn't that at all. And we found ourselves going every Sunday and attending classes. The talks have been engaging and encompassing and exactly what I've needed to hear to keep going. It's obviously about me, right? The music is beautiful and the rituals aren't the red flags they once were for me. I find myself looking forward to going again which feels vaguely odd to actually contemplate.
I've found myself thinking a lot about what I believe and even considering what I might give up for Lent. Sacrifice can be a soul's best sustenance. So, even though I've never actually given up ANYTHING for Lent before (the practice isn't part of the Presbyterian observance), I'm thinking of doing just that. I have two more days to decide what would be fitting choice.
I've considered the Seven Deadly Sins....Sloth, Gluttony, Anger, Lust, Greed, Envy, and Pride. Of those, I'm probably most guilty of Gluttony, but is going on a diet a way of observing Lent? The person I lust for is the one I SHOULD lust for, so that's a bad idea. I think God is all for sex. I'm not very sloth-like, nor particularly greedy. My temper isn't a real issue nor am I eaten by envy. I suppose I can be boastful and full of myself at times (as this blog is witness) but I'm not sure what it would take to humble myself. Maybe I should address the glutton with a semi-fast of brown rice & veggies for 6 weeks. 40 days and nights.
Where I ended up tonight was flipping through Bill Moyer's 'Genesis' and thinking and questioning.
And you know that can't be bad.