Merlin fic: Buggre Alle This (2/2 + coda)
See part one for headers.
Nimueh laughs.
She's seen enough for now - she ends the spell that allows her to watch the sorcerer and his little prince. Her plan is working, even faster than she had hoped. Merlin has been exposed for what he is. He won't trouble her much longer. And his death will weaken the prince's power, a happy side effect. Nothing can save them now.
The days of her exile from Camelot are numbered.
*
When Merlin returns to the bedchamber, Arthur grabs his hunting bag - he has it packed ready - and slings it over his shoulder.
Merlin hovers near the doorway. "Where are you going?"
"You're in my way," Arthur says in an even tone.
"I just want to know where you're going," Merlin persists. His eyes are red-rimmed, but Arthur won't feel sorry for him.
"To sleep in your room." The only alternative is the stables, and Arthur does consider that for a moment, but the nights are cold, and he'd rather sleep in a bed than on straw. Just as long as Merlin isn't there.
Gaius doesn't say anything when he walks in. Just looks up a moment, and then goes back to his books, head down over his magnifying glass.
Arthur heads straight up to Merlin's room and slams the door behind him again.
*
Arthur hadn't thought things could get worse. He mentally kicks himself for tempting fate like that.
The tournament begins the following day, and he has to wait on Merlin. He can't avoid him or ignore him, because if he does heaven only knows what will happen. And he can't even enjoy the fighting, because whoever wins today will fight Merlin tomorrow.
He's standing at the entrance to the tourney ground, glaring at Merlin, when he feels a hand on his arm.
Gwen.
"You don't seem yourself," she says.
Arthur snorts.
"Have you and Arthur had a falling out?"
"Arthur's a-" Arthur doesn't have any suitable words for what he thinks of Merlin right now. Certainly none he can use in front of Gwen. "Never mind," he says, and goes back to glaring. He barely notices Gwen leave.
It's a long day.
*
The problem is, it's not the fact that Merlin's a sorcerer that's upsetting him.
Obviously, it ought to be.
But it isn't.
It's not even that Merlin lied to him. Not entirely. Though he's far from thrilled about that. Especially when he remembers standing in front of his father and announcing that there was no way Merlin could be a sorcerer.
The problem is, what's really bugging him, is that Merlin didn't trust him.
He sits on Merlin's bed, head on his hands, and ponders what exactly that means.
*
"Merlin, you have visitors," Gaius calls, and it takes a moment for Arthur to realise that he's calling him.
"Coming, Gaius. Won't be a moment. Just have to take the curling rags out of my hair," he shouts. Hah, take that, Merlin, he thinks.
Morgana raises an eyebrow at him when he comes down the stairs, and Gwen's trying not to giggle.
"Perhaps you would accompany us for a short walk," Morgana suggests. Arthur's about to refuse, but then he remembers that he's just Merlin, and Morgana is Morgana, so a suggestion is really an order. He's beginning to understand Merlin's rebelliousness - following orders from just about everyone is a pain. At least Arthur normally only has to follow Uther's, and if they're particularly frustrating, he can go and work out his frustrations by ordering someone else around. Not much chance of that as a manservant. He wishes Merlin had a dog. Perhaps he can find a rat, and train that to follow orders. Except knowing his current luck, it would either bite off his fingers or crap on his dinner plate.
"Certainly, my lady," Arthur says, and opens the door for her.
"Merlin," Morgana begins, and he knows this tone. It's the tone she puts on for Uther when she's determined that she is right and he is wrong. He stifles a groan. "Gwen and I are concerned about you."
"You're being an idiot," Gwen says, coming straight to the point in a way that is oddly charming. And reminds him of Merlin.
Morgana tilts her head. "Not exactly the way I was going to word it, but yes. As much of an idiot as Arthur can be, which is saying something."
Arthur bites down hard on a protest. "In what way, my lady?" he asks.
"Clearly you and Arthur have quarrelled over something, and neither of you seem to have been yourself since you were taken ill at the feast the other night. But whatever it is, can't you just apologise and make it right? You know how proud Arthur is, and how impossible it is for him to apologise, even when he's in the wrong, but it wouldn't hurt you to do so."
"You're right, of course. Thank you for the advice," Arthur bites out.
The problem is, he knows they really are right, in part, if greatly mistaken about the details. He needs to apologise to Merlin, because, no matter what he said in the heat of the moment, he never truly thought that Merlin would be behind this, that Merlin would blackmail him. He remembers back to the day in the village when he confronted Merlin and Will about the windstorm. Merlin had been about to confess. He'd risked certain exposure for what he was to save his village. That wasn't the mark of a blackmailer, but a courageous man. Someone Arthur would be proud to call friend.
He considers, ruefully, the idea of apologising. Arthur is skilled in many things, but not in this. He'll simply have to do his best.
*
"I'm sorry," he says.
"I'm truly sorry, Merlin."
"I apologise. I reacted badly."
Merlin's face stares back at him in Merlin's cracked mirror, mocking every attempt. Practicing clearly isn't the way to go. Besides, it's just prolonging the matter.
Merlin's standing by the bed, bare assed naked, when Arthur strides in.
Arthur glares. "You idiot. The door was unlocked - anyone could have walked in."
Merlin jumps at his voice - apparently he hadn't even heard the door open, and Arthur knows he has perfectly good hearing - and grabs a bedsheet before turning around.
"Um," he says.
Arthur gets straight to the point. "Look, the thing is, you're not totally useless, and it's possible you've done magic for some good," - saving Arthur's life, multiple times - "and when I'm king, I'll make certain changes to the law. In the meantime, you might as well carry on as my manservant." There. A perfectly good apology.
Merlin stands open-mouthed. And oddly silent.
Arthur huffs. "Do shut your mouth, you'll catch flies like that."
Merlin closes his mouth.
"But, in future, I'd like you to be honest with me, at all times. No more lying." Arthur is being incredibly reasonable.
Merlin nods his head emphatically. "Absolutely, yes. No more lies."
"Because we trust each other." Arthur feels the need to point that out, though why he's not sure.
"I do." It sounds odd coming from Merlin in Arthur's voice, more portentous than it should for a simple statement.
"Good," Arthur says. He's glad that's over with. It just leaves one question. "Merlin, why are you naked?"
Merlin pulls the sheet up to his chin. "I'm not. No. Not naked. Not at all."
"Haven't we just had a conversation about honesty?"
"Um, maybe?"
"So, why are you naked?"
Merlin grimaces. "Can't we just pretend I'm not?"
"Oh," Arthur says. "Oh."
"I'm sorry."
"No, that's all right. It's natural. I have a fine body. I understand, you want to-explore it." Arthur muffles his smile with his hand.
"I don't know," Merlin says thoughtfully. "You're not as b-"
Merlin makes a phmpfh sound as Arthur tackles him.
The humiliating thing is, he's pretty sure Merlin lets him win the fight.
That's the only humiliating thing. He most definitely does not get aroused from brawling with Merlin. Absolutely not.
He also doesn't watch Merlin in the mirror when he's getting dressed. That would just be weird.
*
"Time's running out. There must be somewhere else we can look."
Arthur intercepts a look between Gaius and Merlin. "This really isn't the time for more secrets," he points out.
Gaius nods. "There's one more book we haven't shown you. A book of magic spells. I have been looking through it, but it's a huge book and the writing is small. It's possible I might have missed something."
"You had a book of magic and you're only now getting around to telling me about it?" Arthur asks, horrified.
"Well, sire, we could hardly just bring it out before."
Arthur supposes he has a point.
Merlin gets up and kneels on the floor. He pries up a floorboard and pulls out a book.
Arthur half-expected the book to look different. Evil, in some way. But it doesn't. It's just an ordinary book, full of cramped writing in many different hands, and scribbled notes in the margins.
"You take the left-hand side, I'll take the right," he says to Merlin. "We'll get through it quickest that way."
Merlin is either skimming the pages or is getting the easy pages. He keeps trying to turn the pages too fast, and Arthur has to keep slapping his hand away until he's finished his page.
"You have to read carefully," Arthur insists. "You never know where we might find something useful."
"What about this," he suggests, pointing to a spell to separate beans and peas.
"Don't be stupid," Merlin says, and tries to turn the page while Arthur's still holding it open. There's a ripping sound, and Merlin lets go.
Merlin glares. "I could have you put in the stocks."
"You wouldn't dare," Arthur says confidently.
"Try me," Merlin taunts.
Gaius stirs on his bed and hitches himself up on one elbow. "Boys, boys, really. Time's running out, work together. And quietly, please. I need my sleep."
The candles are worn to stubs, and there's a faint trace of grey light coming through the windows when they reach the last page.
There's nothing in the entire book that relates to their problem in any way.
"Now what?" Arthur asks
Merlin looks across to Gaius. He's sleeping.
"You have to promise not to tell Gaius," he whispers, and beckons Arthur to follow him out of the room.
*
Merlin leans against the door and looks up and down the corridor. There's no one around, but he pitches his voice low. "There is one other-um, creature, we could ask for help."
"And why are you only mentioning this now?"
"Well-"
Arthur sighs. "I'm not going to like this, am I?"
Merlin shakes his head.
"Go on, tell me."
"It's the Great Dragon."
"The one my father has imprisoned?"
Merlin nods.
"That no one is allowed to visit?"
Merlin grimaces. "Um."
"And I suppose you know how to get past the guards without them seeing us?"
Merlin grins.
*
"Ahem," Merlin coughs.
"That's how you summon a great dragon? Seriously, Merlin? You cough at him?" Arthur never wonders if Merlin were dropped on his head as a child. He just wonders how many times.
Merlin looks vaguely sheepish, and completely insubordinate. "I'm sorry, sire. I'm not aware of the proper protocol for calling to a dragon that's chained up under the castle," he says, and Arthur's not sure that he's aware just how ridiculous he sounds when he's trying to be snooty.
"You're also sadly lacking in common sense, along with many other traits that would be useful in a manservant or a sorcerer." Arthur sighs. "Dragon, I demand your presence," he shouts, and isn't at all disconcerted by the multitudes of echoes of his voice chanting after him.
The echo is followed by the sound of huge wings, and then a warm blast of air. Arthur resolutely does not take a step back. Or at least, it's only a little step, and it's simply because the footing underneath is rough, and this body is clumsier than his own.
"So I finally meet the once and future king," the dragon says. "He's not what I was expecting."
The dragon is exactly what Arthur was expecting. Only larger. Much larger. He gulps.
"I'm in Merlin's body. That's me," he says, pointing at Merlin. "Well, you know, that's my body. This is me, here. Just." Damn it, he's beginning to sound as imbecilic as Merlin.
"I am fully aware of the plight that you are in," the dragon intones, gusting warm, rank breath over them with each word.
"So can you do something?" Merlin asks.
"You will never be entirely separate from now on."
Arthur stares. "Are you telling us this can't be undone?"
"All will be made clear when the time is right."
"But that's the whole problem. Time's running out," Merlin says. Arthur is tempted to point out that they'd hardly be coming down here to speak to an enigmatic dragon if it weren't desperate, but he thinks maybe insulting a dragon who can breathe fire wouldn't be a wise course of action, especially when he's not in his own body to protect them both.
"Time flows as a constant. It is merely to mortal humans that it appears to run fast or slow," the dragon says. It clambers further up its rock and takes off with a huge clanking of chains.
"Well, that was just brilliant. Great idea, Merlin. Thanks," Arthur snaps, putting all the sarcasm he's capable of into the thanks.
Merlin looks petulant, which is irritating when he's got Arthur's face. "I wasn't to know he'd be no help," he says sulkily. "Well, maybe I might have guessed-"
*
They creep back into Gaius' chamber quietly, but he's sleeping soundly and doesn't stir. Merlin sits down at the table and falls asleep in seconds, head pillowed on his arms. Arthur doesn't have the heart to disturb him.
The only solution Arthur can think of is for him to fight in Merlin's place. If he goes out in full armour, it's possible - no it isn't, but he might be able to convince Merlin - that no one will know the difference. Even in this body, he can still fight.
He pictures the Mercian giant who won all his bouts yesterday. It would be really convenient if Merlin's magic were strong enough for him to stop time.
He wills it, as hard as he can, but Gaius keeps on snoring, Merlin mutters in his sleep, the last of the candles burns out, and the light outside gets brighter.
So much for magic.
*
Gaius wakes up with a muffled snort. He looks blearily up at Arthur and Arthur shakes his head.
"Oh, dear," Gaius says. "I really did hope you would find an answer in that book."
"I suppose that was our last hope," Arthur says. "Unless I find the sorcerer responsible and kill him. Or her. That would end the spell, surely?"
"In all probability, yes. But killing a powerful sorcerer isn't an easy task, I fear. And least of all when you're-well, not yourself, so to speak. Oh," Gaius says suddenly, and strokes his cheek thoughtfully. His exclamation wakes Merlin.
"What is it?" Merlin asks, sitting up with a start.
"I've been an idiot," Gaius says.
Merlin looks as though he's about to reply, so Arthur claps a hand over his mouth. "What have you just remembered?" Arthur asks.
"It's a long shot, but-" Gaius sighs, as though he doesn't want to reveal his idea. Then, reluctantly - slowly - starts to talk. "There are still magic books in the kingdom. Your father had most destroyed, but some, the greatest ones, he kept. He has entrusted them to Geoffrey of Monmouth, who keeps them securely locked away, with strict instructions that they are to be seen by no one. I have never seen them, but-"
Arthur can't hold back his impatience. "You know exactly where they are?"
"Yes."
"So Merlin can steal the keys."
Merlin looks up. "What? Me? No. Oh, no, I'm not stealing anything."
"Why not? Geoffrey isn't going to suspect you of anything. As far as he's concerned, you're the prince of Camelot."
"And what reason am I going to give for being there? A sudden scholastic urge?"
Arthur has to admit that sounds unlikely.
"Maybe Gaius-" he starts, but Merlin interrupts.
"You can open the locks. With magic."
"Are you out of your addle-pated, bone-headed, tiny mind?" Arthur's restraining himself.
"The spell's easy," Merlin says, as though that's the issue. "It won't take you long to learn."
"That's great, because obviously that was the part that bothered me."
Merlin at least has the sense to look a little sheepish. "Look, I know it's not ideal-"
"You think?"
"But we're running low on options."
Arthur will give him that.
"Very well," he says, and very soon he has every lock in Gaius house open.
He doesn't admit that it's actually fun.
*
Arthur attempts to plan the break in - he is, after all, accustomed to making battle plans - but Gaius and Merlin both groan when he starts plotting out a course of action.
Gaius raises a hand for silence. "I will go in," he says, "and draw Geoffrey's attention to the far side of the room, while you creep in. Arthur can unlock the room, and you two can take whatever books you can easily carry."
It all goes exactly to Gaius' plan.
Well, almost.
Merlin nearly sabotages matters with his clumsiness. There's a book sliding off the top of the pile Merlin's carrying, and Arthur has his hands full, and if it falls, if it makes any sort of sound, they'll be caught.
Arthur concentrates.
The book slides back into place, safely on top of the others.
"You oaf," he whispers once they're safely out.
"You're getting quite good at magic," Merlin says cheekily.
Arthur's hands are full, so he makes do with narrowing his eyes at Merlin. It's a wasted effort, as ever.
*
"I'd much rather be fighting off a monster," Arthur grumbles. The books are all musty and Arthur can't stop sneezing. Apparently Merlin's body is sensitive to mould.
"There has to be something," Merlin says desperately.
"There's an interesting spell here to prevent the thinning of the hair," Gaius says, and then looks up as though surprised he mentioned it out loud. "Ah, not relevant." He stoops back over his magnifying glass.
"There's something here," Merlin says. "Only, no, this can't be it."
"What is it?"
"It's a spell to exchange bodies."
"Does it say how to get back to your own body?"
"Well, yes, but-"
"But what?"
"But it says 'only the souls of two who are joined may be exchanged in this manner.'
"You mean, married?"
Merlin shrugs. "Um, yes, I suppose."
Gauis coughs. "The great dragon did say that you have a bond." Arthur would swear there's a knowing sort of twinkle in his eye.
Merlin blushes. Arthur's just warm sitting this close to the fire.
"We have to try it. What do we need to do?"
"We have make a potion from the leaves of Stinking Gladwin, the petals of pilewort and the ground bark of an ash tree." Merlin looks up at Gaius.
"We have all those. I'll start making it."
Merlin runs his finger down the rest of the page. "There's a spell to say over it to complete the potion - we'll have to say that together. Then we drink it, and-"
Merlin pauses, so Arthur leans over his shoulder and reads the rest. Great, they have to sit and hold hands and wait for the spell to work. The universe thinks he's married to Merlin. The universe hates him.
He's even more convinced of that when he takes his first swallow of the potion. "Urgh."
He hands the cup to Merlin, who first looks reluctant, and then as though he wants to spit it out. "Do we have to drink all of it," he asks, plaintively.
Gaius nods emphatically. "Oh, yes, every drop," he says. Arthur thinks he's enjoying this.
Arthur's draining the last drop when he starts to feel odd. He holds onto Merlin - just to reassure him, no other reason - and has a sudden thought that it might have been best to do this somewhere lying down, considering that they fell unconscious before.
He thinks that would have been a really good idea when he wakes up, on the floor, and feels the bump on his head. His own head.
"It worked," he shouts, then, "ow."
*
Nimueh tilts back her head and screams. All ruined, all her plans ruined.
She throws a goblet into the basin, but she can still make out their faces even through the ripples. She mutters words, pulling them up through her fury, and the surface of the water goes milky-white like a blind woman eye's.
*
Arthur waits at the entrance of the tourney arena. He nods civilly at Morgana as she passes - he hasn't forgotten what she said about him - and holds out his hand for his sword.
Merlin manages not to fumble it.
"That was the cruellest curse ever," Arthur muses.
"It wasn't that bad, really."
Arthur stares at him. "We were stuck with each other. Constantly."
"So, what, you'd rather have had boils?"
"Any day."
"That can be arranged." Merlin grins.
"I'd have you put in the stocks for treason, but I have a feeling you actually enjoy yourself there." Arthur can't quite hide his own grin.
*
Arthur's rarely enjoyed a fight like he does with the giant from Mercia. He drags it out, to roars of appreciation from the crowd, dances around the man and teases him with harmless jabs, then drives him hard until he can see the whites of the man's eyes behind his helmet. Arthur brings him down with one final perfect thrust, and the crowd all are on their feet cheering.
Arthur pulls off his helmet and gazes around the arena. Merlin's at the entrance, grinning like a loon. Arthur grins back.
*
"So, no more secrets," Arthur says, as Merlin removes Arthur's gorget.
"Ah," Merlin says, as he moves onto the breastplate.
"Ah?"
"Well. You see. There's one more little thing about the spell." Merlin seems to be transfixed by Arthur's gauntlets now.
"How little a thing?"
"Well, two little things actually. One, your pee will be dark blue for a while from the potion," - Arthur has already noticed that - "and secondly, um, we might be sort of not exactly completely unjoined."
"Sort of not exactly completely unjoined?" His voice comes out in a most undignified squeak. Arthur swallows and drops his voice an octave. "What on earth is that supposed to mean?"
"It means we've 'forced our souls back into their proper vessels' - that's what the book said - but we didn't completely undo the original spell. So we're still-joined. In a way. Our souls are still connected." Merlin pauses. "I think that's what the dragon was on about."
"Oh." Arthur clearly ought to be furious about this, but oddly enough he isn't.
Merlin finally looks up. "You don't mind?"
"Well, you're an idiot, and if you take any longer over undoing my gauntlets I'm going to have to sleep in them, but otherwise-" He shrugs. "Oh, bugger all this," he says, and kisses Merlin. After all, if even the dragon approves-
//
And as a little bonus, a coda that's not on the archived version.
One morning, a few days later
"Argh," Arthur screams, and wakes up.
He'd deny the scream, but Merlin's already awake and staring at him across the pillows. Trust him to wake up first the one time Arthur wishes he hadn't.
Arthur scowls and pulls the covers up. It's easier to be dignified when you're not naked. "What are you staring at?" It comes out sulkier than he intends, so he scowls harder to make up for it.
"Bad dream?" Merlin asks, as though he has no idea of the code of etiquette that forbids the asking of such questions. Men don't talk about their dreams.
"No," Arthur lies.
Merlin raises an eyebrow in disbelief. "So you just screamed for the sake of it?"
"Waking up to your ugly mug is enough to startle anyone." Arthur's grown rather fond of Merlin's looks actually, well, Merlin in general, honestly, and maybe it's more than just rather fond, but now's not the time to admit that.
"You screamed, then you woke up," Merlin points out, because he's still the worst manservant ever and never knows when to shut up.
Arthur glares, then gets a sudden flashback of his dream. Nightmare, more like. He shudders, remembering the feel of it, the wrongness of it, and he can't help the words tumbling out. "I dreamt I was in Lady Enid's body - not like that," he interjects, as Merlin's eyebrow goes even higher, "don't be so filthy minded. I was in her body and she was in mine. I was a woman," Arthur ends on a whisper, as though the walls might hear his secret and tell it.
Merlin doesn't even attempt to look sympathetic. He just lies back on the pillow - Arthur's favourite pillow, which Merlin must have stolen during the night - and roars with laughter.
"It was horrible," Arthur says, over Merlin's laughter. "She was all-wobbly. And-urgh." He's not talking about it.
Merlin schools his face into some semblance of sobriety. Not a very good semblance, but Arthur will let it pass. This time. "I wonder why you didn't swap bodies with her?" Merlin asks. "I mean, you were right next to her. Really close. It could just as easily have been her."
Merlin actually sounds petulant. Jealous even. Oddly enough, that makes Arthur feel better. Though he still needs to forget. "We're not talking about this. It didn't happen, and that's all there is to it."
"So what you're actually saying is that you're glad you were in my body." Merlin beams at Arthur as though he's somehow been given a huge compliment, completely ignoring the part where Arthur had just said they weren't talking about it.
"No, I am most certainly not saying that."
"I think you are."
He is. Well, he's thinking it, he's just not saying it. Merlin gets smug at the slightest hint of praise.
At least Arthur now knows a sure fire way to shut Merlin up. He lifts the covers and slides down the bed. He scrapes his teeth roughly across Merlin's hip. That gets him a muffled Arthur. He runs his tongue along the crease of Merlin's thigh, pale salty skin. Please. Merlin's voice is getting hoarse. It's making Arthur hard, the taste of warm skin, the way Merlin's lying so perfectly still (and almost quiet now) when Arthur knows he wants more.
Arthur's prick is hanging heavy between his legs, but he doesn't touch himself. He licks the head of Merlin's prick. Nnghn. He smiles and takes Merlin's prick into his mouth, and Merlin bucks up under him. There's a crash on the far side of the room, but Arthur ignores it, concentrating on the weight of Merlin's prick on his tongue, the way Merlin moves when Arthur twists his tongue and sucks.
When Merlin comes, it's perfectly soundless, but his eyes are golden and he's staring at Arthur. Arthur doesn't ask him what he's staring at this time - he knows he's just that awesome.
//
Nimueh laughs.
She's seen enough for now - she ends the spell that allows her to watch the sorcerer and his little prince. Her plan is working, even faster than she had hoped. Merlin has been exposed for what he is. He won't trouble her much longer. And his death will weaken the prince's power, a happy side effect. Nothing can save them now.
The days of her exile from Camelot are numbered.
*
When Merlin returns to the bedchamber, Arthur grabs his hunting bag - he has it packed ready - and slings it over his shoulder.
Merlin hovers near the doorway. "Where are you going?"
"You're in my way," Arthur says in an even tone.
"I just want to know where you're going," Merlin persists. His eyes are red-rimmed, but Arthur won't feel sorry for him.
"To sleep in your room." The only alternative is the stables, and Arthur does consider that for a moment, but the nights are cold, and he'd rather sleep in a bed than on straw. Just as long as Merlin isn't there.
Gaius doesn't say anything when he walks in. Just looks up a moment, and then goes back to his books, head down over his magnifying glass.
Arthur heads straight up to Merlin's room and slams the door behind him again.
*
Arthur hadn't thought things could get worse. He mentally kicks himself for tempting fate like that.
The tournament begins the following day, and he has to wait on Merlin. He can't avoid him or ignore him, because if he does heaven only knows what will happen. And he can't even enjoy the fighting, because whoever wins today will fight Merlin tomorrow.
He's standing at the entrance to the tourney ground, glaring at Merlin, when he feels a hand on his arm.
Gwen.
"You don't seem yourself," she says.
Arthur snorts.
"Have you and Arthur had a falling out?"
"Arthur's a-" Arthur doesn't have any suitable words for what he thinks of Merlin right now. Certainly none he can use in front of Gwen. "Never mind," he says, and goes back to glaring. He barely notices Gwen leave.
It's a long day.
*
The problem is, it's not the fact that Merlin's a sorcerer that's upsetting him.
Obviously, it ought to be.
But it isn't.
It's not even that Merlin lied to him. Not entirely. Though he's far from thrilled about that. Especially when he remembers standing in front of his father and announcing that there was no way Merlin could be a sorcerer.
The problem is, what's really bugging him, is that Merlin didn't trust him.
He sits on Merlin's bed, head on his hands, and ponders what exactly that means.
*
"Merlin, you have visitors," Gaius calls, and it takes a moment for Arthur to realise that he's calling him.
"Coming, Gaius. Won't be a moment. Just have to take the curling rags out of my hair," he shouts. Hah, take that, Merlin, he thinks.
Morgana raises an eyebrow at him when he comes down the stairs, and Gwen's trying not to giggle.
"Perhaps you would accompany us for a short walk," Morgana suggests. Arthur's about to refuse, but then he remembers that he's just Merlin, and Morgana is Morgana, so a suggestion is really an order. He's beginning to understand Merlin's rebelliousness - following orders from just about everyone is a pain. At least Arthur normally only has to follow Uther's, and if they're particularly frustrating, he can go and work out his frustrations by ordering someone else around. Not much chance of that as a manservant. He wishes Merlin had a dog. Perhaps he can find a rat, and train that to follow orders. Except knowing his current luck, it would either bite off his fingers or crap on his dinner plate.
"Certainly, my lady," Arthur says, and opens the door for her.
"Merlin," Morgana begins, and he knows this tone. It's the tone she puts on for Uther when she's determined that she is right and he is wrong. He stifles a groan. "Gwen and I are concerned about you."
"You're being an idiot," Gwen says, coming straight to the point in a way that is oddly charming. And reminds him of Merlin.
Morgana tilts her head. "Not exactly the way I was going to word it, but yes. As much of an idiot as Arthur can be, which is saying something."
Arthur bites down hard on a protest. "In what way, my lady?" he asks.
"Clearly you and Arthur have quarrelled over something, and neither of you seem to have been yourself since you were taken ill at the feast the other night. But whatever it is, can't you just apologise and make it right? You know how proud Arthur is, and how impossible it is for him to apologise, even when he's in the wrong, but it wouldn't hurt you to do so."
"You're right, of course. Thank you for the advice," Arthur bites out.
The problem is, he knows they really are right, in part, if greatly mistaken about the details. He needs to apologise to Merlin, because, no matter what he said in the heat of the moment, he never truly thought that Merlin would be behind this, that Merlin would blackmail him. He remembers back to the day in the village when he confronted Merlin and Will about the windstorm. Merlin had been about to confess. He'd risked certain exposure for what he was to save his village. That wasn't the mark of a blackmailer, but a courageous man. Someone Arthur would be proud to call friend.
He considers, ruefully, the idea of apologising. Arthur is skilled in many things, but not in this. He'll simply have to do his best.
*
"I'm sorry," he says.
"I'm truly sorry, Merlin."
"I apologise. I reacted badly."
Merlin's face stares back at him in Merlin's cracked mirror, mocking every attempt. Practicing clearly isn't the way to go. Besides, it's just prolonging the matter.
Merlin's standing by the bed, bare assed naked, when Arthur strides in.
Arthur glares. "You idiot. The door was unlocked - anyone could have walked in."
Merlin jumps at his voice - apparently he hadn't even heard the door open, and Arthur knows he has perfectly good hearing - and grabs a bedsheet before turning around.
"Um," he says.
Arthur gets straight to the point. "Look, the thing is, you're not totally useless, and it's possible you've done magic for some good," - saving Arthur's life, multiple times - "and when I'm king, I'll make certain changes to the law. In the meantime, you might as well carry on as my manservant." There. A perfectly good apology.
Merlin stands open-mouthed. And oddly silent.
Arthur huffs. "Do shut your mouth, you'll catch flies like that."
Merlin closes his mouth.
"But, in future, I'd like you to be honest with me, at all times. No more lying." Arthur is being incredibly reasonable.
Merlin nods his head emphatically. "Absolutely, yes. No more lies."
"Because we trust each other." Arthur feels the need to point that out, though why he's not sure.
"I do." It sounds odd coming from Merlin in Arthur's voice, more portentous than it should for a simple statement.
"Good," Arthur says. He's glad that's over with. It just leaves one question. "Merlin, why are you naked?"
Merlin pulls the sheet up to his chin. "I'm not. No. Not naked. Not at all."
"Haven't we just had a conversation about honesty?"
"Um, maybe?"
"So, why are you naked?"
Merlin grimaces. "Can't we just pretend I'm not?"
"Oh," Arthur says. "Oh."
"I'm sorry."
"No, that's all right. It's natural. I have a fine body. I understand, you want to-explore it." Arthur muffles his smile with his hand.
"I don't know," Merlin says thoughtfully. "You're not as b-"
Merlin makes a phmpfh sound as Arthur tackles him.
The humiliating thing is, he's pretty sure Merlin lets him win the fight.
That's the only humiliating thing. He most definitely does not get aroused from brawling with Merlin. Absolutely not.
He also doesn't watch Merlin in the mirror when he's getting dressed. That would just be weird.
*
"Time's running out. There must be somewhere else we can look."
Arthur intercepts a look between Gaius and Merlin. "This really isn't the time for more secrets," he points out.
Gaius nods. "There's one more book we haven't shown you. A book of magic spells. I have been looking through it, but it's a huge book and the writing is small. It's possible I might have missed something."
"You had a book of magic and you're only now getting around to telling me about it?" Arthur asks, horrified.
"Well, sire, we could hardly just bring it out before."
Arthur supposes he has a point.
Merlin gets up and kneels on the floor. He pries up a floorboard and pulls out a book.
Arthur half-expected the book to look different. Evil, in some way. But it doesn't. It's just an ordinary book, full of cramped writing in many different hands, and scribbled notes in the margins.
"You take the left-hand side, I'll take the right," he says to Merlin. "We'll get through it quickest that way."
Merlin is either skimming the pages or is getting the easy pages. He keeps trying to turn the pages too fast, and Arthur has to keep slapping his hand away until he's finished his page.
"You have to read carefully," Arthur insists. "You never know where we might find something useful."
"What about this," he suggests, pointing to a spell to separate beans and peas.
"Don't be stupid," Merlin says, and tries to turn the page while Arthur's still holding it open. There's a ripping sound, and Merlin lets go.
Merlin glares. "I could have you put in the stocks."
"You wouldn't dare," Arthur says confidently.
"Try me," Merlin taunts.
Gaius stirs on his bed and hitches himself up on one elbow. "Boys, boys, really. Time's running out, work together. And quietly, please. I need my sleep."
The candles are worn to stubs, and there's a faint trace of grey light coming through the windows when they reach the last page.
There's nothing in the entire book that relates to their problem in any way.
"Now what?" Arthur asks
Merlin looks across to Gaius. He's sleeping.
"You have to promise not to tell Gaius," he whispers, and beckons Arthur to follow him out of the room.
*
Merlin leans against the door and looks up and down the corridor. There's no one around, but he pitches his voice low. "There is one other-um, creature, we could ask for help."
"And why are you only mentioning this now?"
"Well-"
Arthur sighs. "I'm not going to like this, am I?"
Merlin shakes his head.
"Go on, tell me."
"It's the Great Dragon."
"The one my father has imprisoned?"
Merlin nods.
"That no one is allowed to visit?"
Merlin grimaces. "Um."
"And I suppose you know how to get past the guards without them seeing us?"
Merlin grins.
*
"Ahem," Merlin coughs.
"That's how you summon a great dragon? Seriously, Merlin? You cough at him?" Arthur never wonders if Merlin were dropped on his head as a child. He just wonders how many times.
Merlin looks vaguely sheepish, and completely insubordinate. "I'm sorry, sire. I'm not aware of the proper protocol for calling to a dragon that's chained up under the castle," he says, and Arthur's not sure that he's aware just how ridiculous he sounds when he's trying to be snooty.
"You're also sadly lacking in common sense, along with many other traits that would be useful in a manservant or a sorcerer." Arthur sighs. "Dragon, I demand your presence," he shouts, and isn't at all disconcerted by the multitudes of echoes of his voice chanting after him.
The echo is followed by the sound of huge wings, and then a warm blast of air. Arthur resolutely does not take a step back. Or at least, it's only a little step, and it's simply because the footing underneath is rough, and this body is clumsier than his own.
"So I finally meet the once and future king," the dragon says. "He's not what I was expecting."
The dragon is exactly what Arthur was expecting. Only larger. Much larger. He gulps.
"I'm in Merlin's body. That's me," he says, pointing at Merlin. "Well, you know, that's my body. This is me, here. Just." Damn it, he's beginning to sound as imbecilic as Merlin.
"I am fully aware of the plight that you are in," the dragon intones, gusting warm, rank breath over them with each word.
"So can you do something?" Merlin asks.
"You will never be entirely separate from now on."
Arthur stares. "Are you telling us this can't be undone?"
"All will be made clear when the time is right."
"But that's the whole problem. Time's running out," Merlin says. Arthur is tempted to point out that they'd hardly be coming down here to speak to an enigmatic dragon if it weren't desperate, but he thinks maybe insulting a dragon who can breathe fire wouldn't be a wise course of action, especially when he's not in his own body to protect them both.
"Time flows as a constant. It is merely to mortal humans that it appears to run fast or slow," the dragon says. It clambers further up its rock and takes off with a huge clanking of chains.
"Well, that was just brilliant. Great idea, Merlin. Thanks," Arthur snaps, putting all the sarcasm he's capable of into the thanks.
Merlin looks petulant, which is irritating when he's got Arthur's face. "I wasn't to know he'd be no help," he says sulkily. "Well, maybe I might have guessed-"
*
They creep back into Gaius' chamber quietly, but he's sleeping soundly and doesn't stir. Merlin sits down at the table and falls asleep in seconds, head pillowed on his arms. Arthur doesn't have the heart to disturb him.
The only solution Arthur can think of is for him to fight in Merlin's place. If he goes out in full armour, it's possible - no it isn't, but he might be able to convince Merlin - that no one will know the difference. Even in this body, he can still fight.
He pictures the Mercian giant who won all his bouts yesterday. It would be really convenient if Merlin's magic were strong enough for him to stop time.
He wills it, as hard as he can, but Gaius keeps on snoring, Merlin mutters in his sleep, the last of the candles burns out, and the light outside gets brighter.
So much for magic.
*
Gaius wakes up with a muffled snort. He looks blearily up at Arthur and Arthur shakes his head.
"Oh, dear," Gaius says. "I really did hope you would find an answer in that book."
"I suppose that was our last hope," Arthur says. "Unless I find the sorcerer responsible and kill him. Or her. That would end the spell, surely?"
"In all probability, yes. But killing a powerful sorcerer isn't an easy task, I fear. And least of all when you're-well, not yourself, so to speak. Oh," Gaius says suddenly, and strokes his cheek thoughtfully. His exclamation wakes Merlin.
"What is it?" Merlin asks, sitting up with a start.
"I've been an idiot," Gaius says.
Merlin looks as though he's about to reply, so Arthur claps a hand over his mouth. "What have you just remembered?" Arthur asks.
"It's a long shot, but-" Gaius sighs, as though he doesn't want to reveal his idea. Then, reluctantly - slowly - starts to talk. "There are still magic books in the kingdom. Your father had most destroyed, but some, the greatest ones, he kept. He has entrusted them to Geoffrey of Monmouth, who keeps them securely locked away, with strict instructions that they are to be seen by no one. I have never seen them, but-"
Arthur can't hold back his impatience. "You know exactly where they are?"
"Yes."
"So Merlin can steal the keys."
Merlin looks up. "What? Me? No. Oh, no, I'm not stealing anything."
"Why not? Geoffrey isn't going to suspect you of anything. As far as he's concerned, you're the prince of Camelot."
"And what reason am I going to give for being there? A sudden scholastic urge?"
Arthur has to admit that sounds unlikely.
"Maybe Gaius-" he starts, but Merlin interrupts.
"You can open the locks. With magic."
"Are you out of your addle-pated, bone-headed, tiny mind?" Arthur's restraining himself.
"The spell's easy," Merlin says, as though that's the issue. "It won't take you long to learn."
"That's great, because obviously that was the part that bothered me."
Merlin at least has the sense to look a little sheepish. "Look, I know it's not ideal-"
"You think?"
"But we're running low on options."
Arthur will give him that.
"Very well," he says, and very soon he has every lock in Gaius house open.
He doesn't admit that it's actually fun.
*
Arthur attempts to plan the break in - he is, after all, accustomed to making battle plans - but Gaius and Merlin both groan when he starts plotting out a course of action.
Gaius raises a hand for silence. "I will go in," he says, "and draw Geoffrey's attention to the far side of the room, while you creep in. Arthur can unlock the room, and you two can take whatever books you can easily carry."
It all goes exactly to Gaius' plan.
Well, almost.
Merlin nearly sabotages matters with his clumsiness. There's a book sliding off the top of the pile Merlin's carrying, and Arthur has his hands full, and if it falls, if it makes any sort of sound, they'll be caught.
Arthur concentrates.
The book slides back into place, safely on top of the others.
"You oaf," he whispers once they're safely out.
"You're getting quite good at magic," Merlin says cheekily.
Arthur's hands are full, so he makes do with narrowing his eyes at Merlin. It's a wasted effort, as ever.
*
"I'd much rather be fighting off a monster," Arthur grumbles. The books are all musty and Arthur can't stop sneezing. Apparently Merlin's body is sensitive to mould.
"There has to be something," Merlin says desperately.
"There's an interesting spell here to prevent the thinning of the hair," Gaius says, and then looks up as though surprised he mentioned it out loud. "Ah, not relevant." He stoops back over his magnifying glass.
"There's something here," Merlin says. "Only, no, this can't be it."
"What is it?"
"It's a spell to exchange bodies."
"Does it say how to get back to your own body?"
"Well, yes, but-"
"But what?"
"But it says 'only the souls of two who are joined may be exchanged in this manner.'
"You mean, married?"
Merlin shrugs. "Um, yes, I suppose."
Gauis coughs. "The great dragon did say that you have a bond." Arthur would swear there's a knowing sort of twinkle in his eye.
Merlin blushes. Arthur's just warm sitting this close to the fire.
"We have to try it. What do we need to do?"
"We have make a potion from the leaves of Stinking Gladwin, the petals of pilewort and the ground bark of an ash tree." Merlin looks up at Gaius.
"We have all those. I'll start making it."
Merlin runs his finger down the rest of the page. "There's a spell to say over it to complete the potion - we'll have to say that together. Then we drink it, and-"
Merlin pauses, so Arthur leans over his shoulder and reads the rest. Great, they have to sit and hold hands and wait for the spell to work. The universe thinks he's married to Merlin. The universe hates him.
He's even more convinced of that when he takes his first swallow of the potion. "Urgh."
He hands the cup to Merlin, who first looks reluctant, and then as though he wants to spit it out. "Do we have to drink all of it," he asks, plaintively.
Gaius nods emphatically. "Oh, yes, every drop," he says. Arthur thinks he's enjoying this.
Arthur's draining the last drop when he starts to feel odd. He holds onto Merlin - just to reassure him, no other reason - and has a sudden thought that it might have been best to do this somewhere lying down, considering that they fell unconscious before.
He thinks that would have been a really good idea when he wakes up, on the floor, and feels the bump on his head. His own head.
"It worked," he shouts, then, "ow."
*
Nimueh tilts back her head and screams. All ruined, all her plans ruined.
She throws a goblet into the basin, but she can still make out their faces even through the ripples. She mutters words, pulling them up through her fury, and the surface of the water goes milky-white like a blind woman eye's.
*
Arthur waits at the entrance of the tourney arena. He nods civilly at Morgana as she passes - he hasn't forgotten what she said about him - and holds out his hand for his sword.
Merlin manages not to fumble it.
"That was the cruellest curse ever," Arthur muses.
"It wasn't that bad, really."
Arthur stares at him. "We were stuck with each other. Constantly."
"So, what, you'd rather have had boils?"
"Any day."
"That can be arranged." Merlin grins.
"I'd have you put in the stocks for treason, but I have a feeling you actually enjoy yourself there." Arthur can't quite hide his own grin.
*
Arthur's rarely enjoyed a fight like he does with the giant from Mercia. He drags it out, to roars of appreciation from the crowd, dances around the man and teases him with harmless jabs, then drives him hard until he can see the whites of the man's eyes behind his helmet. Arthur brings him down with one final perfect thrust, and the crowd all are on their feet cheering.
Arthur pulls off his helmet and gazes around the arena. Merlin's at the entrance, grinning like a loon. Arthur grins back.
*
"So, no more secrets," Arthur says, as Merlin removes Arthur's gorget.
"Ah," Merlin says, as he moves onto the breastplate.
"Ah?"
"Well. You see. There's one more little thing about the spell." Merlin seems to be transfixed by Arthur's gauntlets now.
"How little a thing?"
"Well, two little things actually. One, your pee will be dark blue for a while from the potion," - Arthur has already noticed that - "and secondly, um, we might be sort of not exactly completely unjoined."
"Sort of not exactly completely unjoined?" His voice comes out in a most undignified squeak. Arthur swallows and drops his voice an octave. "What on earth is that supposed to mean?"
"It means we've 'forced our souls back into their proper vessels' - that's what the book said - but we didn't completely undo the original spell. So we're still-joined. In a way. Our souls are still connected." Merlin pauses. "I think that's what the dragon was on about."
"Oh." Arthur clearly ought to be furious about this, but oddly enough he isn't.
Merlin finally looks up. "You don't mind?"
"Well, you're an idiot, and if you take any longer over undoing my gauntlets I'm going to have to sleep in them, but otherwise-" He shrugs. "Oh, bugger all this," he says, and kisses Merlin. After all, if even the dragon approves-
//
And as a little bonus, a coda that's not on the archived version.
One morning, a few days later
"Argh," Arthur screams, and wakes up.
He'd deny the scream, but Merlin's already awake and staring at him across the pillows. Trust him to wake up first the one time Arthur wishes he hadn't.
Arthur scowls and pulls the covers up. It's easier to be dignified when you're not naked. "What are you staring at?" It comes out sulkier than he intends, so he scowls harder to make up for it.
"Bad dream?" Merlin asks, as though he has no idea of the code of etiquette that forbids the asking of such questions. Men don't talk about their dreams.
"No," Arthur lies.
Merlin raises an eyebrow in disbelief. "So you just screamed for the sake of it?"
"Waking up to your ugly mug is enough to startle anyone." Arthur's grown rather fond of Merlin's looks actually, well, Merlin in general, honestly, and maybe it's more than just rather fond, but now's not the time to admit that.
"You screamed, then you woke up," Merlin points out, because he's still the worst manservant ever and never knows when to shut up.
Arthur glares, then gets a sudden flashback of his dream. Nightmare, more like. He shudders, remembering the feel of it, the wrongness of it, and he can't help the words tumbling out. "I dreamt I was in Lady Enid's body - not like that," he interjects, as Merlin's eyebrow goes even higher, "don't be so filthy minded. I was in her body and she was in mine. I was a woman," Arthur ends on a whisper, as though the walls might hear his secret and tell it.
Merlin doesn't even attempt to look sympathetic. He just lies back on the pillow - Arthur's favourite pillow, which Merlin must have stolen during the night - and roars with laughter.
"It was horrible," Arthur says, over Merlin's laughter. "She was all-wobbly. And-urgh." He's not talking about it.
Merlin schools his face into some semblance of sobriety. Not a very good semblance, but Arthur will let it pass. This time. "I wonder why you didn't swap bodies with her?" Merlin asks. "I mean, you were right next to her. Really close. It could just as easily have been her."
Merlin actually sounds petulant. Jealous even. Oddly enough, that makes Arthur feel better. Though he still needs to forget. "We're not talking about this. It didn't happen, and that's all there is to it."
"So what you're actually saying is that you're glad you were in my body." Merlin beams at Arthur as though he's somehow been given a huge compliment, completely ignoring the part where Arthur had just said they weren't talking about it.
"No, I am most certainly not saying that."
"I think you are."
He is. Well, he's thinking it, he's just not saying it. Merlin gets smug at the slightest hint of praise.
At least Arthur now knows a sure fire way to shut Merlin up. He lifts the covers and slides down the bed. He scrapes his teeth roughly across Merlin's hip. That gets him a muffled Arthur. He runs his tongue along the crease of Merlin's thigh, pale salty skin. Please. Merlin's voice is getting hoarse. It's making Arthur hard, the taste of warm skin, the way Merlin's lying so perfectly still (and almost quiet now) when Arthur knows he wants more.
Arthur's prick is hanging heavy between his legs, but he doesn't touch himself. He licks the head of Merlin's prick. Nnghn. He smiles and takes Merlin's prick into his mouth, and Merlin bucks up under him. There's a crash on the far side of the room, but Arthur ignores it, concentrating on the weight of Merlin's prick on his tongue, the way Merlin moves when Arthur twists his tongue and sucks.
When Merlin comes, it's perfectly soundless, but his eyes are golden and he's staring at Arthur. Arthur doesn't ask him what he's staring at this time - he knows he's just that awesome.
//