What have I turned into?
The other day I was working at Walgreens on Appalachee Pkway and this lady asked me where the AZO is...I immediately laughed in my head that this old woman was buying AZO and told her it was on the wall and she was like I dont see it andI stormed out of the pharmacy saying "People are so fucking helpless" to the pharmacist on duty.......She then tells me it's so nice to see a young girl working and I was so sweet for showing her and she was just not able to find it and she was the nicest old lady I've ever met and I feel so bad still even thinking about what I said....for the first time ever in my whole life I felt compelled to say sorry for something she had no idea I said.
My mom called me tonight and I was on the phone with Kevin...I had been crying and I called her back...she spent 45 minutes talking to me about it and trying to make me feel better and all I could think was when can I get off the phone so I can call him back.....only for him to BREAK UP WITH ME. What have I seriously ever done to anyone to make someone feel so compelled to treat me like this.....why why why why why why....I put my heart and soul and every ounce of energy into this relationship and he can just throw it away like nothing. He doesn't even care I'm completely falling apart...I can't even speak bc I'm crying so much......He doesn't care....How can he not care? How can he tell me he loves me and be like this??? What the hell did I ever do to deserve this? Why doesn't he try 1/100 as hard as I do...why does it not matter that I spent so long waiting for him? Why is my heart..my emotions..my life why are they a game to him??? How can somebody think so LITTLE of someone to put them through this?? I'm scared I'll never stop crying...I'll never be able to love again...I literally feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest....how could you let someone make you their reason for living and just wipe them completely out of your little world............when you can't even give up CIGARETTES...He can give up the "only woman he has ever loved" on the drop of a dime......but can't give up cigarettes if his life depended on it...He had no cigs the whole time he was in jail........and goes right back to them....What did I do so wrong??? I just want to scream and cry and kick things and never even wake up again................WHY did this happen to me?!!? WHYYY
My mom called me tonight and I was on the phone with Kevin...I had been crying and I called her back...she spent 45 minutes talking to me about it and trying to make me feel better and all I could think was when can I get off the phone so I can call him back.....only for him to BREAK UP WITH ME. What have I seriously ever done to anyone to make someone feel so compelled to treat me like this.....why why why why why why....I put my heart and soul and every ounce of energy into this relationship and he can just throw it away like nothing. He doesn't even care I'm completely falling apart...I can't even speak bc I'm crying so much......He doesn't care....How can he not care? How can he tell me he loves me and be like this??? What the hell did I ever do to deserve this? Why doesn't he try 1/100 as hard as I do...why does it not matter that I spent so long waiting for him? Why is my heart..my emotions..my life why are they a game to him??? How can somebody think so LITTLE of someone to put them through this?? I'm scared I'll never stop crying...I'll never be able to love again...I literally feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest....how could you let someone make you their reason for living and just wipe them completely out of your little world............when you can't even give up CIGARETTES...He can give up the "only woman he has ever loved" on the drop of a dime......but can't give up cigarettes if his life depended on it...He had no cigs the whole time he was in jail........and goes right back to them....What did I do so wrong??? I just want to scream and cry and kick things and never even wake up again................WHY did this happen to me?!!? WHYYY