so i really dont know
Half day today. It was kind of nice. Had plans of tanning but they fell through due to the fact that the sun left. :(
My dad bought a new truck today. Its so0o nice and i love it. Our other car is gone. Im sad cuz it was the one i was supposed to get but now that its the way it is, dunno what car im getting.
So seriously i effing hate life. I cant even explain how much it sucks. All my feelings are..i cant even explain. Yea so ur supposed to talk about them. who the eff cares? noone obviously. so i keep em inside and i like it better that way. so what, they eat me up inside. i really dont care anymore. i have noone to turn to and feel like ive got nothing going for me. my friends who i barely talk to anymore, my relationships that start and the abruptly stop, and of course theres my family. Some things have been going around about what i said about people. yea and my dad tells me to talk to him about it and when i do he criticizes me for the way i feel. Yep and i love that feeling. I obviously cannot tell anybody anything anymore. My words are twisted and turned so badly and end up falling back on me in a bad way. I love how i thought i could trust people...my family especially. The stupid family talks dont do anything. I still have my same feelings and i dont bother to spill my heart out because its completely pointless. I feel EVERYBODY in general is against me. Oh well, its just me. Who cares. Nobody can understand no matter how much they claim they do. Im not trying to start a pity party for me here but its true, noone can truly understand the shit i did and still am going through. I hate being home cuz when the family is together its always basically "lets pick on amanda time. Point out all her flaws" And i always feel hostilities between "the two families" Its not one family like it should be, its two. And apparently me and my brother still dont fit in b/c things are constantly said about how things were different before we moved in. Fine then when i turn 18 Im outta here. Im going away for college and making it on my own. i cant take it here. I cant take it anywhere. I dont fit in with the rest of my family. I dont play into the taunting and teasing they do to each other. I'm completely different from them and unfortunately theres nothing i can do about it. yes sometimes i do treat my brother like crap and i truly feel bad for it cuz he does stick up for me and i appreciate it. I am definetely proud to have him as my brother. We have our fights, yes, but we know how each other feel. Though I dont believe i can trust him with my feelings like the rest of my family. So whatever.Its not like it matters how I feel anyways. Im not gunna tell anyone anything anymore cuz it always happens to backfire on me. And i resort to keeping my feelings inside and depicting them myself and i guess just let them tear me up.
So what do i do
My dad bought a new truck today. Its so0o nice and i love it. Our other car is gone. Im sad cuz it was the one i was supposed to get but now that its the way it is, dunno what car im getting.
So seriously i effing hate life. I cant even explain how much it sucks. All my feelings are..i cant even explain. Yea so ur supposed to talk about them. who the eff cares? noone obviously. so i keep em inside and i like it better that way. so what, they eat me up inside. i really dont care anymore. i have noone to turn to and feel like ive got nothing going for me. my friends who i barely talk to anymore, my relationships that start and the abruptly stop, and of course theres my family. Some things have been going around about what i said about people. yea and my dad tells me to talk to him about it and when i do he criticizes me for the way i feel. Yep and i love that feeling. I obviously cannot tell anybody anything anymore. My words are twisted and turned so badly and end up falling back on me in a bad way. I love how i thought i could trust people...my family especially. The stupid family talks dont do anything. I still have my same feelings and i dont bother to spill my heart out because its completely pointless. I feel EVERYBODY in general is against me. Oh well, its just me. Who cares. Nobody can understand no matter how much they claim they do. Im not trying to start a pity party for me here but its true, noone can truly understand the shit i did and still am going through. I hate being home cuz when the family is together its always basically "lets pick on amanda time. Point out all her flaws" And i always feel hostilities between "the two families" Its not one family like it should be, its two. And apparently me and my brother still dont fit in b/c things are constantly said about how things were different before we moved in. Fine then when i turn 18 Im outta here. Im going away for college and making it on my own. i cant take it here. I cant take it anywhere. I dont fit in with the rest of my family. I dont play into the taunting and teasing they do to each other. I'm completely different from them and unfortunately theres nothing i can do about it. yes sometimes i do treat my brother like crap and i truly feel bad for it cuz he does stick up for me and i appreciate it. I am definetely proud to have him as my brother. We have our fights, yes, but we know how each other feel. Though I dont believe i can trust him with my feelings like the rest of my family. So whatever.Its not like it matters how I feel anyways. Im not gunna tell anyone anything anymore cuz it always happens to backfire on me. And i resort to keeping my feelings inside and depicting them myself and i guess just let them tear me up.
So what do i do