[Action post + message: Father's day angst]

[oxenstierna_b]

Berwald leaned his elbow onto the table, making a short noise of agreement into the phone he was holding. For a moment, a smile hovered on his normally grave face, and then he said farewell to his father and ended the call

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[talks_to_nisse]

Snapping his cell phone shut, Sindre gazed at it fondly. It had been good to speak with his father and grandfather, even if Astrid had stolen the phone about half-way through to "talk about his young man". His grandfather's health was holding; there had been a few minor scares since the last time he had been to Norway, but nothing too serious.

He slid his phone back in his pocket as he left his room. He'd have to arrange a time during a break to visit his family. Hopefully he could convince Valdi to come along; Valdi'd probably hate him after being attacked by Astrid, but the mental image of her cooing over him was too amusing for Sindre to care. And maybe...maybe Berwald would want to come as well.

He ran into Berwald at the bottom of the stairs, almost literally, wrapped in thought as he was. It took only a glance at his face to realize something was off.

"What's wrong?" he asked, reaching out. "Is your father okay?"

[oxenstierna_b]

"Uh, yeah," Berwald replied sheepishly, a little ashamed how transparent he apparently was. Still, he couldn't resist laying a hand on Sindre's arm. It wasn't nearly as much as he wanted, but he couldn't just... just cling to him, could he?

He shrugged uncomfortable.

"Just... reminded me. That it's been a while since I saw him and... and Peter, too," he explained haltingly.

[talks_to_nisse]

Nodding, Sindre used Berwald's grip on his arm to tug him in closer. "Have you been able to speak to Peter since he left?" he asked, resting one hand on his hip. He hadn't thought of the boy in a long time. So much else had happened; any idle concern he'd had for him had long since been driven away.

[oxenstierna_b]

"I've got a few letters, and sent some, not sure if he got all 'f them. Been moving 'bout, I think," Berwald replied.

[talks_to_nisse]

Taking a step closer, Sindre gave Berwald a light kiss. "I'm sure he's fine, then," he replied. "And I'm sure he still cares about you. Don't doubt that."

[oxenstierna_b]

He nodded jerkily, not trusting his voice quite yet. "Yeah," he said when he could. "He's a... clever kid." Not, always, that good at taking care of himself, but he could only hope he was better at it when alone. It could happen, after all. He tried not to wonder about that too much.

Berwald wished he knew how to fake a smile, to at least try to reassure Sindre that he was fine. It was just the day, and the memories of previous years when Peter could almost be relied on to do something silly and a bit childish, if he could remember the date to begin with.

"Just miss 'm, I guess," he managed to say, tone mostly light.

[talks_to_nisse]

Leading him to the couch, Sindre pulled Berwald down with him. "Of course you do," he replied. "Hard to adjust to having an empty nest."

A teasing smile tugged at his lips. "This just means you get to guilt him for missing Father's Day and never calling."

[oxenstierna_b]

Berwald had to look away from Sindre's smile to swallow the lump in his throat.

Just to have something to do (besides grabbing Sindre and hanging onto him like a child) Berwald picked up the remote control to the tv from the coffee table, flicking it on. He went through stations mostly blindly, before stopping on one showing that one British show... Merlin, right. Sindre liked that one, so it'd do. Hopefully keep him on the sofa, with their elbows touching and his hand still on Berwald's. After a moment, he dared to inch a bit closer and lay his head on Sindre's shoulder as well, as he continued to mostly ignore what was going on in the show on television.

[talks_to_nisse]

Sindre's smile faltered when Berwald turned his attention away. He had hoped to lighten the mood, but apparently that is not what Berwald wanted.

Still, he took the peace offering for what it was, and had no trouble directing his attention to the screen in front of him. He was almost surprised when Berwald's head fell on his shoulder, and he had to resist the urge to turn and see.

Instead, he merely wrapped an arm around his shoulder, rubbing his arm once before stroking his hair.

[oxenstierna_b]

As Sindre's arm encircled him, Berwald let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He moved his own arms around Sindre's waist, turning his face against his shoulder.

It always felt good, to be touched like this, and know he had the right. But on days like this one, he needed it so badly it shamed him. Why was it that sometimes it felt like... like all his strenght was bleeding away, and only holding on to someone would make it better?

He could only tell himself it was only for the moment. That the next day everything would be back to normal and he wouldn't need to leech on Sindre's warmth anymore. And that he shouldn't apologise, because that would just worry him.

[talks_to_nisse]

Turning his head, Sindre shifted to allow Berwald to better curl into him. Pausing his caresses for a moment, he kissed the top of his head tenderly.

It's okay, he thought but didn't say. Instead, he did his best to convey that sense through his hands and body, welcoming Berwald's weight and warmth around him.

[oxenstierna_b]

Eventually, the closeness melted away the weight that had seemed to have appeared in his chest, and Berwald could breathe easier again. He still missed his father, and worried about Peter and... other people who had been with him on this day in the past, but he wasn't alone.

"Th'nk you," he mumbled into Sindre's shoulder.

[talks_to_nisse]

Sindre rested his cheek against Berwald's hair, wrapping his arm tighter around him. He hadn't missed the way Berwald's body relaxed, and while he couldn't make out the exact words Berwald told his shoulder, he could guess.

"You're welcome," he replied softly. "After all, cuddling with you on the couch is such a chore."

[oxenstierna_b]

Berwald made a short, huffing sound, his version of a chuckle.

After a moment, he turned to look at the television, though he kept leaning onto Sindre and his arms around him. It took him some time to catch up to an approximation of what was going on, though it wasn't that difficult, based on what he knew about the previous episodes. As far as Berwald had seen, they generally tended to follow a basic formula of something magical threatening Arthur, while the titular character attempted to keep him safe while hiding his abilities.

He frowned at the screen.

"Doesn't appreciate him much, that Arthur..." he muttered.

[talks_to_nisse]

"He does and he doesn't," Sindre replied slowly. "He's risked his life to save Merlin's before, and he acknowledges that Merlin does more for him and is more devoted to him than the average manservant, and that he can call Merlin a friend." He shrugged. "Though you're right, he does still view Merlin as his servant and has no idea what Merlin does for him."

He kissed Berwald's temple again. "Sometimes it's hard to see what you have."