[Action post: Shame and other things]
When Berwald had woken up that morning, despite the slight hangover and certain other slight aches, he'd nevertheless woken up more relaxed than he had since the last time he'd woken up with Tino. That is, he felt relaxed and somewhat well rested for a few blissful seconds, before he realized certain key factors were off. First of all, it wasn't his bed, which woke him up rather quick, and once he had woken he realized he'd never seen the apartment either. Or the other man in the bed with him.
Now, hours later as Berwald sat huddled on the sofa, filled with guilt and self-recrimination because... he'd never gone to... to bed with some stranger. He hadn't even been sober! It was irresponsible, it wasn't at all like him and Tino had only been gone... how long was it now, it felt like forever. Two weeks? He was so tired these days, it was like the days were melting together.
Berwald scrubbed his hands roughly over his face. Well, no use crying over spilled milk and at least he'd gotten some sleep out of it.
Maybe the worst of it was he couldn't quite feel as sorry as he felt he should. As far as he could remember it... dammit, he could do it with a stranger he could very well think the word, the sex had not been unpleasant. Far from it. Ironically enough he'd managed to not think of Tino for a moment. And sleep. He needed sleep didn't he, so if that was the thing that helped... Berwald shook himself, appalled at his line of thought. What was he thinking, that he'd do it again if the chance presented itself? That would be-- actually, did it really matter? How would it harm anyone, even him as long as he exercised some basic caution?
But he wouldn't, really. It would be a bad habit to start. Except he had started already, hadn't he...
Now, hours later as Berwald sat huddled on the sofa, filled with guilt and self-recrimination because... he'd never gone to... to bed with some stranger. He hadn't even been sober! It was irresponsible, it wasn't at all like him and Tino had only been gone... how long was it now, it felt like forever. Two weeks? He was so tired these days, it was like the days were melting together.
Berwald scrubbed his hands roughly over his face. Well, no use crying over spilled milk and at least he'd gotten some sleep out of it.
Maybe the worst of it was he couldn't quite feel as sorry as he felt he should. As far as he could remember it... dammit, he could do it with a stranger he could very well think the word, the sex had not been unpleasant. Far from it. Ironically enough he'd managed to not think of Tino for a moment. And sleep. He needed sleep didn't he, so if that was the thing that helped... Berwald shook himself, appalled at his line of thought. What was he thinking, that he'd do it again if the chance presented itself? That would be-- actually, did it really matter? How would it harm anyone, even him as long as he exercised some basic caution?
But he wouldn't, really. It would be a bad habit to start. Except he had started already, hadn't he...