[Action Post: Goodbye my son]
He is glad that no one else is at home when he gets Peter's message. He doesn't want anyone to see him like this, kneeling on the floor of the room Peter used to stay at while he lived at the house, crying like he hasn't cried since he learned he was too old to.
He has left before, and with less notice, but somehow it feels different this time, more final. Berwald isn't sure how he knows it but something is telling him that when, if Peter ever comes back, it will be as someone else, someone transformed. And perhaps things will be as they were, or perhaps not. But now, now he has to let go, of one of his oldest friends, of his son because that was Peter was to him, for all that it ever made little sense. Emotions, Berwald awknowledges, seldom do.
Wordlessly, he says goodbye, accepts the loss. Does it truly make any difference whether it was in person or like this. Peter appeared into his life suddenly and so he has gone now, isn't it only fitting? Perhaps this is how it always is like, to have a child. They will always grow up and go. The thought makes it easier and doesn't and he wonders if he'd be able to do it again, if he had the chance, if he has to lose such a large piece of his soul at the end. He would, he thinks, in a heartbeat and then puts the thought aside as his breath stutters into sobs again.
But he will get through this. He will bleed out the tears and the pain and by the time Tino comes home he will be fine again. Perhaps he should call Raivis... or should he give him time? Surely he has someone closer to him who will be of more help. If he were completely honest, Berwald would have to admit that he doesn't really want to see the Latvian, not yet, because it would be too painful. Later, perhaps.
Later, he will explain it all to Tino, calmly relying what little information he has. He will say Peter can take care of himself wherever he is. He believes it, even. In the next few days, he will clean out the room, not leaving any trace of it's previous occupant, because it doesn't feel right to cling on to the past, easier to start again without needless reminders. And he is fine. If he doesn't smile or speak much, well, he has always been quiet and sober. If he's more distant than usual... can anyone really tell the difference?