(no subject)
I had my Junior Conference today. And I must say, I'm disappointed in myself. I'm 70th in our class - out of like 543. Which is good, I guess. But I'm not satisfied with it. I should have much better. I don't want to show my parents because I'm embarassed. Why am I embarassed about that? My GPA is 4.1875. Which isn't bad. And it's not my fault I didn't do well in my classes last year - I couldn't help that I was sick all the time. I guess I could have tried harder, but it's too late now. I'm not quite sure why this is bugging me so much. When did I become so obsessed with being smart, and doing well in school? I guess it's just cause I want to get into Carolina - but my guidance counselor didn't make it sound like she was too keen on that idea, like she didn't think it would happen. She told Meghan that she would probably get into NCSU with no problem at all, probably even get a scholarship. Nope, not me. I mean, I guess Carolina's harder to get into than State, but still. Granted, she sounded completely impressed with my 210 (out of 240) PSAT score, but colleges don't even look at that. I'll have to kick complete ass on the SAT - which I probably won't do. But I mean, I can't do anything about it now. I just wish I were really smart. It's hard to have a twin sister with a 4.5 and be friends with Adam and Jennie, with like 4.47s. I just feel like I have to be smart, now. I feel like I've got something to prove - and that if I don't prove it, I'm screwed. This really isn't that big of a deal. A year ago I wouldn't have let it get to me. I just...wish I had done better. *le sigh*
♥ --court
♥ --court