Goodnight, Kiddo
To begin, thank you everyone for your support. You guys have helped me make some unregretable decisions.
We took Freckles to her 1:15 appt. Everyone went except for my sister. Before we went, I went to give her her last cookie when she was lieing down. I wanted her to get up so i could make her sit and shake. But when she realised she had to get up, she started to lie back down again. I had to go over to her and give it to her. Thats when i realised that it was time.
My mom and i stayed with her on the floor with her the whole time. I'm not gonna lie, i bawled my eyes out. The vet had to get me tissues. Once they sedated her, she was very calm. I felt horrible when they went to shave her leg, she got scared. Then they injected her. They got the stethascope and listened for her heartbeat. She said very quitely, "she's gone." I don't think I'll ever forget that. She looked alive. I couldn't believe she was dead. I couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to leave her. I just wanted to lie next to her and hug her like how I fell asleep with her the night before. I miss her so much. But my dad said "Goodnight, Kiddo." as they injected her and it sort of comforted me. We wrapped her in a fleece humane society blanket and they put her in a bag, which for me was horrifying. So i didn't really look at it. My mom sat in the back with her in the bag, her head on her lap. It comforted my mom. My dad made a big hole right on the top of the hill for her. We dropped in a squeeky toy (that looked like her favorite when she was a puppy, squeeky bear), a bone, a rawhide-her favorite-, one of her rabies tags, and her green collar and purple leash.
I've never went through something so traumatic. It was a very peaceful death, and she deserved that. But seeing her dead, my dad was right about it being traumatic. I don't regret going, not at all, but I also don't want to go to bed because i keep picturing it and just lieing there won't help.
After everything, my dad went out to get wine for my mom (he got a special beer in honor of Freckie) and they called and asked what my favorite drink was. So i got smirnoff green apple vodka and diet mountain dew. And i drank almost all of it. I've never gotten drunk alone, let alone at my house. But i did. I couldn't help it, i just wanted to. I thought it would help, but it didn't really. So at least now I know i'll never seriously try to drink away my problems.
I've been crying on and off all day. My cousin came over, and I told her to bring Roo, her dog, cause the house felt so empty. Roo did help everyone I think.
Before I came here to write this, I went to the top of the hill and talked with Freckie, just letting her know how much I love and miss her. I can honestly say, I feel so lost right now. I know its normal, I've just never been this depressed. Derek came over and finally admitted that he is talking with some other girl, and I didn't care. My feelings were completely numb to it and instead, I started to cry about Freckles and talk about her more. I'm glad she's still helping me though...because of her, I realised what an ass Derek is and I was done. And now...she's still helping me move on. Thank you Freckie. I love you so much.
.
We took Freckles to her 1:15 appt. Everyone went except for my sister. Before we went, I went to give her her last cookie when she was lieing down. I wanted her to get up so i could make her sit and shake. But when she realised she had to get up, she started to lie back down again. I had to go over to her and give it to her. Thats when i realised that it was time.
My mom and i stayed with her on the floor with her the whole time. I'm not gonna lie, i bawled my eyes out. The vet had to get me tissues. Once they sedated her, she was very calm. I felt horrible when they went to shave her leg, she got scared. Then they injected her. They got the stethascope and listened for her heartbeat. She said very quitely, "she's gone." I don't think I'll ever forget that. She looked alive. I couldn't believe she was dead. I couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to leave her. I just wanted to lie next to her and hug her like how I fell asleep with her the night before. I miss her so much. But my dad said "Goodnight, Kiddo." as they injected her and it sort of comforted me. We wrapped her in a fleece humane society blanket and they put her in a bag, which for me was horrifying. So i didn't really look at it. My mom sat in the back with her in the bag, her head on her lap. It comforted my mom. My dad made a big hole right on the top of the hill for her. We dropped in a squeeky toy (that looked like her favorite when she was a puppy, squeeky bear), a bone, a rawhide-her favorite-, one of her rabies tags, and her green collar and purple leash.
I've never went through something so traumatic. It was a very peaceful death, and she deserved that. But seeing her dead, my dad was right about it being traumatic. I don't regret going, not at all, but I also don't want to go to bed because i keep picturing it and just lieing there won't help.
After everything, my dad went out to get wine for my mom (he got a special beer in honor of Freckie) and they called and asked what my favorite drink was. So i got smirnoff green apple vodka and diet mountain dew. And i drank almost all of it. I've never gotten drunk alone, let alone at my house. But i did. I couldn't help it, i just wanted to. I thought it would help, but it didn't really. So at least now I know i'll never seriously try to drink away my problems.
I've been crying on and off all day. My cousin came over, and I told her to bring Roo, her dog, cause the house felt so empty. Roo did help everyone I think.
Before I came here to write this, I went to the top of the hill and talked with Freckie, just letting her know how much I love and miss her. I can honestly say, I feel so lost right now. I know its normal, I've just never been this depressed. Derek came over and finally admitted that he is talking with some other girl, and I didn't care. My feelings were completely numb to it and instead, I started to cry about Freckles and talk about her more. I'm glad she's still helping me though...because of her, I realised what an ass Derek is and I was done. And now...she's still helping me move on. Thank you Freckie. I love you so much.
.