Death and depressing stuff
My Einstein’s bagel has caraway seeds. And then I start thinking about pork roast with caraway seeds on dumplings… Which reminds me of most of my Thanksgivings. Remember a couple of years ago when we went up to Auntie Minnie and Uncle Tom’s?
And now Uncle Tom is… gone. He’s passed away.
Man, pancreatic cancer is a bitch. I mean, cancer’s a bitch, don’t get me wrong. But…
Uncle Tom was always there. Quiet but snarky. He listened. Not necessarily to me. I’m not actually sure I had that many conversations with him. But I remember him talking to his wife, my Auntie Minnie, or to my Dad. Remember a long time ago when we’d have Christmas at the community center… or even longer ago when we’d have Christmas in Grandma’s tiny apartment, all of us jammed together in that itty space. The adults talking about … Hell, I don’t even know. But talking. The kids doing whatever we would do. Delicious food. Happy, together families. Good times.
And now Uncle Jerry is gone, Chicky Grandma is gone. Uncle Tom is gone.
Horsey Grandma and Grandpa are gone.
And I’m reminded of all the other littler deaths in my life. Friendships from years ago that have passed on. Places -- and yes, I get entirely too invested in places. Work places. Living places. Third places. Really really invested, let me tell you.
And then there’s the other little deaths. Death of a moment that can never be relived.
And then I just recently heard about a friend’s young (2? 4? 6-year old?) nephew is also needing chemo. And this is why cancer sucks. It hits anyone, at any time, and can take people away far too soon.
Sorry for the macabre entries. Sometimes things aren’t all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes there are thunderclouds and storms and darkness. And I’m not really good at dealing with it.. Even if I know I’ll get through and things will get better. Right now … they suck!