this is quite long
How is everybody?
I was about to sleep when I realized it’s been quite a while since I last talked to a few people who just happened to pass through my mind. Some understandable while others…uhm…I’m not sure.
***** - this is a no-brainer. Despite all our supposed efforts to bring back what we had before (which started around this time last year) (no we weren’t together, we were just friends, close friends), we still ended up with nothing. We no longer care about each other (or we do, I think), we no longer talk (or we do, I think), we no longer think about each other (or we do, I think), blah blah blah blah blah. I’m so tired of the thought of her that I don’t even have enough sensible words to talk about her. I have her, of course, to thank for my madness. Gah! I still love her. I tell myself move on…but I can’t help it if I have stubborn feet…and a weak, weak heart.
*** - although she has yet to haunt my thoughts 24/7 (did I just use the word ‘yet’? Sheesh!), I can’t help but miss her subtle charm. I love it when she talks a tad too fast at times and then stops either to catch her breath or catch me staring with amazement at how she spontaneously smiles in between every sentence. She’s cute. Right. That’s all I could say. I so do not believe myself.
I actually shut down my laptop already but after drinking two glasses of orange juice I felt an urge to write. It has been a while. I learned that I always feel like writing whenever I feel strongly about something. Last night, I met up with my bestfriend, a close friend, and a friend I never really get to hang out with but counts as one of the few sensible people I’ve met in highschool. We just sat at my bestfriends bahay kubo (no, she does not live in it, it’s just our favorite tambayan at her house) eating chicken popcorn and drinking glasses of lukewarm water (they ran out of ice and for some reason I have no knowledge of they don’t have pitchers of water in their refrigerators like every other household in this country). Yesterday wasn’t really planned. I liked it that way. In my experience, when things are planned out the more it’s bound not to happen…or something just won’t work the way it should’ve. Anyway, we just sat there updating each other about our lives. I, of course, didn’t have to hear any updates from my bestfriend. We talk regularly on the phone so I know everything that’s happening to her down to the latest lone zit on her forehead. Say, why is it that whenever we talk about how we’re doing we almost always talk about our lovelives first? At our age, why do we assume that love is first on every agenda? When it was my turn to update my friends about myself I just immediately had to talk about my latest heartbreak. The greatest to date. Joyce. So I showed my friends her page on my Psych scrapbook. I had a copy in my flashdisk. The text I included in the page was the first letter I’ve ever written for Joyce. I have an MS Word copy of the letter and it had the filename ‘closure’. Who was I kidding. That letter never closed off anything. Or maybe it would’ve if only I wasn’t such a hard headed loser. Well whatever, it’s all part of the past. Oooookkkkkaaaayyyyyy. This entry isn’t exactly the most organized one. Who cares. If anyone minds, come see me. I’ll scream at you. You’ll be free to scream back of course. It’s a free country. Damn, now I’m getting sleepy. So anyhow, I’ll try to stay awake at least until I finish what I’ve been trying to say. So they read it. The most heart-letter I’ve ever written. It was the I realized that I haven’t written anything in the past how many weeks. Months if I don’t count the school stuff. What I’m trying to say is that this entry’s supposed to be another emotional outburst. Hah, yeah right. I think this is just an affect of the sugar from the juice I drank. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been watching The West Wing for three days now thanks to my mom who insists I watch the show. I like it actually. Very witty. Very smart. Very real. Well, it’s as far as I can get to being ‘political’. As I type this last sentence I’ve only one eye open and I believe it means I have to sleep soon…no not soon…now.
I won’t be able to update my journal in the next three days. I don’t think there are any WiFi areas within my access while I’m in Tagaytay so I’m saving this update until Sunday when I can probably make this a post-dated entry. Funny. I have three entries saved in my documents folder and I just can’t seem to find any time to actually place them in my LJ. All I do whenever I’m online is check my email, compose a couple of business-related letters and peek at my Friendster account. Yes. I regularly update my Friendster account. Don’t ask why. I just do. So anyway, Tagaytay’s looking good. Like any other place in this country there’s always the scorching summer sun. we’re just lucky we frequently hacve sudden gusts of cool southern fresh air. Plus there’s a swimming pool we can abuse for the next three days or so. Although I’m not too sure if we could swim at night. It’s always nice to take a dip in the warm night water.
My bestfriend’s in Baguio right now. She says it’s cold there and she’s been trying to piss me off by continually rubbing it in my face. I guess it’s my fault. I’ve been texting her my rants about how hot it is in this country to the point that she actually quits responding to them. I guess sending me temperature changes in figures of Celsius and Fahrenheit is her way of payback. Just so everyone knows, I quit replying after her second update. Only because I ran out of prepaid credits.
About that, I’m really sorry to those whom I have failed to text in the past how many weeks. It’s a busy summer for me and I simply can’t find the time to reload my prepaid account. Well, that and I’m just really too lazy to pick up my phone and press buttons. Yes, I think that kinda makes me a text sloth. Did that make any sense? Nah. I think the temperature here’s too erratic that I’m having a slight mental malfunctioning. Or I’m just really bored.
What else to write about? Blerhm. Wow. It’sbeen a while since I last used that…word…something. ‘Blerhm”. I don’t really know where I picked that up. But if anyone can tell me where I might have heard of that word, please let me know.
So far I’ve generated all these words in just 5 minutes. Nothing to be proud of, really. I’m just not used to not thinking about what to write about. At least not anymore. Ends here for now.
I just had to smoke. It’s not the cold weather. I’m not sure what made me want to (emphasis on ‘want’). Before I’d love to smoke whenever I felt strongly about something. Yep. You guessed it. Earlier I said I’d love to write when I feel strongly about something and now I’m saying it again except I smoke instead of writing. Actually, I’d do both at the same time. And I’m doing that right now. Despite me saying that I’ve been busy these past few weeks, I can not deny that there are moments that I think about the craziness of the past year. Joyce would of course be top one on the crazy list. I don’t know. I’m happy and all that things happened the way they did (I’m happy about it now, at least), but…I…still…love…her. Funny. Did I ever not love her? Even after everything I still love her. I can’t find any other way to put it so I’ll say it the only way I know how-she’s everything…still. I don’t know where she is right now or whom she’s with but I do know that I have her with me wherever I go. Yes. I still think about her. That’s how she’s with me…even if she’s not…even if she doesn’t want to. As if I’m not used to that.
Three sticks. Done. Ok. One more.
Stupid.
I was at Highlands earlier. They had WiFi at the sports center. I was online while bowling. So why did I not update my journal? Why? Crap.
Just had an interesting conversation with my cousin. We were smoking. Just kept talking about how our relationship with nicotine started. Weird. Never thought I could talk to any of my relatives (other than my siblings) about smoking. So I wondered how it was then with my mom and her cousins. If I remember it right, she started smoking in college. Well, let me confirm that. Anyway, I was just wondering if she ever had chats with her cousins who were smoking during the time she was. If it was accepted before by the titos, titas, lolos, and lolas the she was a smoker, will my titos, titas, lolos, and lolas accept it too? I’m not the only smoker in the family. There’s my cousin, another cousin, and a few more. That’s now. Will we take this vice along with us until we’re old and become the titos, and titas to the next family generation? I can’t answer that question now. But I sure am hoping I won’t. Seriously. It’s cold.
I need my jacket but I’m too lazy to get it. Oh what the heck. It’s just too cold.
I was about to sleep when I realized it’s been quite a while since I last talked to a few people who just happened to pass through my mind. Some understandable while others…uhm…I’m not sure.
***** - this is a no-brainer. Despite all our supposed efforts to bring back what we had before (which started around this time last year) (no we weren’t together, we were just friends, close friends), we still ended up with nothing. We no longer care about each other (or we do, I think), we no longer talk (or we do, I think), we no longer think about each other (or we do, I think), blah blah blah blah blah. I’m so tired of the thought of her that I don’t even have enough sensible words to talk about her. I have her, of course, to thank for my madness. Gah! I still love her. I tell myself move on…but I can’t help it if I have stubborn feet…and a weak, weak heart.
*** - although she has yet to haunt my thoughts 24/7 (did I just use the word ‘yet’? Sheesh!), I can’t help but miss her subtle charm. I love it when she talks a tad too fast at times and then stops either to catch her breath or catch me staring with amazement at how she spontaneously smiles in between every sentence. She’s cute. Right. That’s all I could say. I so do not believe myself.
I actually shut down my laptop already but after drinking two glasses of orange juice I felt an urge to write. It has been a while. I learned that I always feel like writing whenever I feel strongly about something. Last night, I met up with my bestfriend, a close friend, and a friend I never really get to hang out with but counts as one of the few sensible people I’ve met in highschool. We just sat at my bestfriends bahay kubo (no, she does not live in it, it’s just our favorite tambayan at her house) eating chicken popcorn and drinking glasses of lukewarm water (they ran out of ice and for some reason I have no knowledge of they don’t have pitchers of water in their refrigerators like every other household in this country). Yesterday wasn’t really planned. I liked it that way. In my experience, when things are planned out the more it’s bound not to happen…or something just won’t work the way it should’ve. Anyway, we just sat there updating each other about our lives. I, of course, didn’t have to hear any updates from my bestfriend. We talk regularly on the phone so I know everything that’s happening to her down to the latest lone zit on her forehead. Say, why is it that whenever we talk about how we’re doing we almost always talk about our lovelives first? At our age, why do we assume that love is first on every agenda? When it was my turn to update my friends about myself I just immediately had to talk about my latest heartbreak. The greatest to date. Joyce. So I showed my friends her page on my Psych scrapbook. I had a copy in my flashdisk. The text I included in the page was the first letter I’ve ever written for Joyce. I have an MS Word copy of the letter and it had the filename ‘closure’. Who was I kidding. That letter never closed off anything. Or maybe it would’ve if only I wasn’t such a hard headed loser. Well whatever, it’s all part of the past. Oooookkkkkaaaayyyyyy. This entry isn’t exactly the most organized one. Who cares. If anyone minds, come see me. I’ll scream at you. You’ll be free to scream back of course. It’s a free country. Damn, now I’m getting sleepy. So anyhow, I’ll try to stay awake at least until I finish what I’ve been trying to say. So they read it. The most heart-letter I’ve ever written. It was the I realized that I haven’t written anything in the past how many weeks. Months if I don’t count the school stuff. What I’m trying to say is that this entry’s supposed to be another emotional outburst. Hah, yeah right. I think this is just an affect of the sugar from the juice I drank. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been watching The West Wing for three days now thanks to my mom who insists I watch the show. I like it actually. Very witty. Very smart. Very real. Well, it’s as far as I can get to being ‘political’. As I type this last sentence I’ve only one eye open and I believe it means I have to sleep soon…no not soon…now.
I won’t be able to update my journal in the next three days. I don’t think there are any WiFi areas within my access while I’m in Tagaytay so I’m saving this update until Sunday when I can probably make this a post-dated entry. Funny. I have three entries saved in my documents folder and I just can’t seem to find any time to actually place them in my LJ. All I do whenever I’m online is check my email, compose a couple of business-related letters and peek at my Friendster account. Yes. I regularly update my Friendster account. Don’t ask why. I just do. So anyway, Tagaytay’s looking good. Like any other place in this country there’s always the scorching summer sun. we’re just lucky we frequently hacve sudden gusts of cool southern fresh air. Plus there’s a swimming pool we can abuse for the next three days or so. Although I’m not too sure if we could swim at night. It’s always nice to take a dip in the warm night water.
My bestfriend’s in Baguio right now. She says it’s cold there and she’s been trying to piss me off by continually rubbing it in my face. I guess it’s my fault. I’ve been texting her my rants about how hot it is in this country to the point that she actually quits responding to them. I guess sending me temperature changes in figures of Celsius and Fahrenheit is her way of payback. Just so everyone knows, I quit replying after her second update. Only because I ran out of prepaid credits.
About that, I’m really sorry to those whom I have failed to text in the past how many weeks. It’s a busy summer for me and I simply can’t find the time to reload my prepaid account. Well, that and I’m just really too lazy to pick up my phone and press buttons. Yes, I think that kinda makes me a text sloth. Did that make any sense? Nah. I think the temperature here’s too erratic that I’m having a slight mental malfunctioning. Or I’m just really bored.
What else to write about? Blerhm. Wow. It’sbeen a while since I last used that…word…something. ‘Blerhm”. I don’t really know where I picked that up. But if anyone can tell me where I might have heard of that word, please let me know.
So far I’ve generated all these words in just 5 minutes. Nothing to be proud of, really. I’m just not used to not thinking about what to write about. At least not anymore. Ends here for now.
I just had to smoke. It’s not the cold weather. I’m not sure what made me want to (emphasis on ‘want’). Before I’d love to smoke whenever I felt strongly about something. Yep. You guessed it. Earlier I said I’d love to write when I feel strongly about something and now I’m saying it again except I smoke instead of writing. Actually, I’d do both at the same time. And I’m doing that right now. Despite me saying that I’ve been busy these past few weeks, I can not deny that there are moments that I think about the craziness of the past year. Joyce would of course be top one on the crazy list. I don’t know. I’m happy and all that things happened the way they did (I’m happy about it now, at least), but…I…still…love…her. Funny. Did I ever not love her? Even after everything I still love her. I can’t find any other way to put it so I’ll say it the only way I know how-she’s everything…still. I don’t know where she is right now or whom she’s with but I do know that I have her with me wherever I go. Yes. I still think about her. That’s how she’s with me…even if she’s not…even if she doesn’t want to. As if I’m not used to that.
Three sticks. Done. Ok. One more.
Stupid.
I was at Highlands earlier. They had WiFi at the sports center. I was online while bowling. So why did I not update my journal? Why? Crap.
Just had an interesting conversation with my cousin. We were smoking. Just kept talking about how our relationship with nicotine started. Weird. Never thought I could talk to any of my relatives (other than my siblings) about smoking. So I wondered how it was then with my mom and her cousins. If I remember it right, she started smoking in college. Well, let me confirm that. Anyway, I was just wondering if she ever had chats with her cousins who were smoking during the time she was. If it was accepted before by the titos, titas, lolos, and lolas the she was a smoker, will my titos, titas, lolos, and lolas accept it too? I’m not the only smoker in the family. There’s my cousin, another cousin, and a few more. That’s now. Will we take this vice along with us until we’re old and become the titos, and titas to the next family generation? I can’t answer that question now. But I sure am hoping I won’t. Seriously. It’s cold.
I need my jacket but I’m too lazy to get it. Oh what the heck. It’s just too cold.