death
Last night i had a horrible horrible panic attack. I cant remember the last time I had a panic attack, maybe this was my first one? Who knows.
So for the most part, last night was an ok night. Josh and I went to see Brokeback Mountain and it was a pretty good movie. We came home and I was lying in bed thinking bout a bunch of crap and i dont know how but I started thinking about death. When I was a little girl I remember this happened....I started thinking about death for some reason and i started crying and my mom came in and had to console me. Well, last night Im just lucky Josh was in the room next to me, he came in and calmed me down. See the thing is, im not religious, so I dont necessarily beleive in that whole "life after death" concept...and THATS where I started freaking out.
I dont know, Im sure im entirely too old to let something ike that scare the crap outta me but even right now thinking about it all just makes me feel completely empty...i kno i havent quite explained anything in this lj about why it scares me but oh well.
today seems to be a weird day. i feel hollow inside. All i want to do is crawl back into bed and cover myself in a warm sheet and sleep. But at the same time I want to be awake suring the daylight because its been really nice out... suns out but not too hot...so i can go for walks on my break and enjoy it...damn,. i hate being so manic sometimes
So for the most part, last night was an ok night. Josh and I went to see Brokeback Mountain and it was a pretty good movie. We came home and I was lying in bed thinking bout a bunch of crap and i dont know how but I started thinking about death. When I was a little girl I remember this happened....I started thinking about death for some reason and i started crying and my mom came in and had to console me. Well, last night Im just lucky Josh was in the room next to me, he came in and calmed me down. See the thing is, im not religious, so I dont necessarily beleive in that whole "life after death" concept...and THATS where I started freaking out.
I dont know, Im sure im entirely too old to let something ike that scare the crap outta me but even right now thinking about it all just makes me feel completely empty...i kno i havent quite explained anything in this lj about why it scares me but oh well.
today seems to be a weird day. i feel hollow inside. All i want to do is crawl back into bed and cover myself in a warm sheet and sleep. But at the same time I want to be awake suring the daylight because its been really nice out... suns out but not too hot...so i can go for walks on my break and enjoy it...damn,. i hate being so manic sometimes