A Hunting.....
This is a reprise of a reply to hawkhandsaw. My wife saw it, said, "You should tell everyone that story", so here it is. Blame Myra or thank hawkhandsaw for inspiring it.
I've got a friend (really a client, I actually have no friends, according to an acquaintance of mine) that took me deer hunting last season. I've got nothing against controlling the deer population here, they're starving most of the time, so I had no argument about going, really.... but, even though I believe in capital punishment, I don't really want to flip the switch....
The rifle that he gave me was best described as..............defective. I test-fired it a couple of times and when you pulled the trigger, nothing happened right at first. There was like three seconds of delay, as if the rifle were asking, "Are you sure you want to delete this deer?", kinda like your computer. If you changed your mind, you had time to aim at something else.....
Well, here I am up in a deer stand, dressed in camo, "Acme Scent Cover" sprayed all over me, urine bottle, water bottle (PLEASE God, don't let me get confused!), ammo, rifle with scope and hoping to not see ANYTHING 'til they come back to get me....
Sure enough, here comes a deer. I move around a bit, making the metal stand squeak against the tree. I think, "He'll hear me"....I say out loud, "Ahem...HE'LL HEAR ME". No, I get the one deaf deer in the herd, so I consider dropping my urine bottle but then think better of it, in case I gotta pee. Reluctantly, I aim. He looks as big as a house in the scope. I can read, "TURBO" written on his neck....he must be fast. I clear my throat one more time...nothing. So I pull the trigger.....
Nothing......
I wait....
nothing....
the deer walks around, I follow him in the scope...
nothing.
It's gotta be five minutes, the damned deer has gorged himself on leaves, sat at the bar, smoked a cigarette, paid his bill and left. Still nothing. I figured it was a dud shell, so I set the rifle up in the stand, (aimed straight up, just in case), and got my urine bottle.
Just as I started my business....you guessed it....
BAM!!!!
I dropped my urine bottle.
Hunting.....
First time...last time. Long live the deer.
I've got a friend (really a client, I actually have no friends, according to an acquaintance of mine) that took me deer hunting last season. I've got nothing against controlling the deer population here, they're starving most of the time, so I had no argument about going, really.... but, even though I believe in capital punishment, I don't really want to flip the switch....
The rifle that he gave me was best described as..............defective. I test-fired it a couple of times and when you pulled the trigger, nothing happened right at first. There was like three seconds of delay, as if the rifle were asking, "Are you sure you want to delete this deer?", kinda like your computer. If you changed your mind, you had time to aim at something else.....
Well, here I am up in a deer stand, dressed in camo, "Acme Scent Cover" sprayed all over me, urine bottle, water bottle (PLEASE God, don't let me get confused!), ammo, rifle with scope and hoping to not see ANYTHING 'til they come back to get me....
Sure enough, here comes a deer. I move around a bit, making the metal stand squeak against the tree. I think, "He'll hear me"....I say out loud, "Ahem...HE'LL HEAR ME". No, I get the one deaf deer in the herd, so I consider dropping my urine bottle but then think better of it, in case I gotta pee. Reluctantly, I aim. He looks as big as a house in the scope. I can read, "TURBO" written on his neck....he must be fast. I clear my throat one more time...nothing. So I pull the trigger.....
Nothing......
I wait....
nothing....
the deer walks around, I follow him in the scope...
nothing.
It's gotta be five minutes, the damned deer has gorged himself on leaves, sat at the bar, smoked a cigarette, paid his bill and left. Still nothing. I figured it was a dud shell, so I set the rifle up in the stand, (aimed straight up, just in case), and got my urine bottle.
Just as I started my business....you guessed it....
BAM!!!!
I dropped my urine bottle.
Hunting.....
First time...last time. Long live the deer.