Supportive Undergarments
Your grandmother wouldn't have left home without them (nor without a kleenex tucked up her shirt sleeve). She wanted a good shape: a flat tummy, a thin waist, and sturdy torpedo boobs (you know what I'm talking about). Our generation also wants to look sleek and bulge free in a dress, but the lynchpin ingredient - the supportive undergarment - has fallen out of fashion. This is nothing short of a tragedy, on par with global warming, or the threat of extinction to whales. I offer "muffin top" as Exhibit A (and say thank god waist lines have risen).
Today I am wearing a dress. It was chosen with cleverness (and a measure of panic - I got it close to the time of my wedding, when everything I did had a touch of panic to it). It has a busy little pattern and is made of some kind of wrinkle free synthetic that drapes and does not fall into the dents my underpants and bra make. But despite these advantages, there is no doubt: I have some less than attractive bulges. If I had a girdle this might not be a problem. But I do not have a girdle. I have a device called "The Nipper" that is sort of girdly but really doesn't quite measure up; it is too short in both vertical directions. I get back bulge on top of it, and hip bulge from underneath. Really, what's the point?
Clearly, this is my mother's fault. Why was I not taught the ways of the supportive undergarment in my youth? Why am I being forced to actually work out and develop a great body so that I won't be ashamed of my girdle-free shape? If this is a gift of feminism, I want to give it back. Yes I can be free to not squeeze my body into a little lycra torture device. Too bad that freedom is paired with the freedom to look like a lumpy pear in profile. Freedom from the girdle is only true freedom when people no longer judge women on their bulges. We're not there yet ladies!
Today I am wearing a dress. It was chosen with cleverness (and a measure of panic - I got it close to the time of my wedding, when everything I did had a touch of panic to it). It has a busy little pattern and is made of some kind of wrinkle free synthetic that drapes and does not fall into the dents my underpants and bra make. But despite these advantages, there is no doubt: I have some less than attractive bulges. If I had a girdle this might not be a problem. But I do not have a girdle. I have a device called "The Nipper" that is sort of girdly but really doesn't quite measure up; it is too short in both vertical directions. I get back bulge on top of it, and hip bulge from underneath. Really, what's the point?
Clearly, this is my mother's fault. Why was I not taught the ways of the supportive undergarment in my youth? Why am I being forced to actually work out and develop a great body so that I won't be ashamed of my girdle-free shape? If this is a gift of feminism, I want to give it back. Yes I can be free to not squeeze my body into a little lycra torture device. Too bad that freedom is paired with the freedom to look like a lumpy pear in profile. Freedom from the girdle is only true freedom when people no longer judge women on their bulges. We're not there yet ladies!