The Kithkin Legacy 4.1
Aloha!
This update is brought to you by this playlist, which I have been absolutely milking for the last few hours:
Click to viewAhh.. sweet, sweet nostalgia..
The Sims 'sountrack'.
LAST TME:
Mallory was announced as our heir!
The free world trembled at this news.
Every sim she met recieved both physical and verbal abuse.
Ben DIED ;__;
Giselle died.
Colton chose Kelley as his spouse.
Daley married Andrea and performed poorly in bed.
We kick off with Bryson letting down his majestic locks by scaring members of the general public.
And then getting pissy with them for not enjoying it very much.
Kelley: -runs in slow motion to go save the world because she's a SPY-
Meanwhile, Mallory Moments presents:
'How to Chokehold an OAP'
Mallory: Oh hey Ivan! IVAN!!
Ivan: -walks away faster-
Damn, Mal took a beating.
Mallory: Shit I hope Ivan didn't see that.
Who cares, you barely remember he exists most of the time.
Mallory's Match: This was fun. Let's do it again sometime. :]
Mallory: I'd like that. :D
...
Turns out she's Evil too.
This could be an interesting relationship.
NEVER MIND SHE'S DEAD NOW.
Kelley: Fertilised, bitches! :D
Andrea (YES THEY ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE THEY JUST LOOK INCREDIBLY ALIKE): Oh boy..
The hospital!
I am ashamed to say I was excessively excited about this bit. I- I may have squee'd.
Andrea: -goes for a probably quite complicated and messy wee-
Colton: -tries to check in because I'm an idiot-
CAROLINA: I know that woman.. wait..
Carolina: You.
Colton: -sudden urge to flee- O_O
Oh god I hope you aren't attending the birth with those eyebrows.
Why are there windows? Who would watch this?
Why are the claws fighting eachother..?
..I'll be honest here this doesn't seem to be going too well.
Andrea: HOLY JESUS IN HELL.
Does- does this happen to everyone else?
GET OUT THIS IS A STERILE ENVIRONMENT!!
IS THAT A WHISK?!
IS THAT HER HEART?!?!
Andrea: Shur feelz lyk it..
WHAT IS HAPPENING.
That better be a baby.
...
I'm not.. uh.. I'm not remotely.. prejudiced, in any way shape or form when I say this here but uh.. why is he so black?
Andrea is this yours?
Andrea: Might be.
Ah well he's yours now.
He's called Jacob.
Andrea: Hey where'd he go.
At this point I have no answers to anything that is currently happening. I literally have no clue. I'm just accepting it all.
Colton: Andrea you literally just had a baby. Literally. We have just got back from the hospital. You had a horrific labour about twenty minutes ago.
Andrea: Gotta get the baby fat off! And how d'you know what my labour was like? You were still at the front desk when I came out.
(He really was, I laughed)
Colton: Heard the screams.
Mallory doesn't integrate with the family at all.
She spends her time devoted to the citizens of Willow Creek, ruining their day one interaction at a time.
Today it's that beauty I swooned over in the park from way back. She got old but she still got it.
Nice face Mallory.
Thanks again guys. Really can't stress how much I'll enjoy having to look after and raise booger children for the next however many generations.
I'm going to have to force myself to love them.
Aw look they give you birth certificates now. That's actually mildly inconvenient. Where the fuck will I put them all?
Andrea hits the sauce as soon as she stops doing push-ups on the driveway.
Wait just one darn minute.
I thought we had a boy??
/FLASHBACK/ Yep. Yep we did. It was definitely a boy.
Wait how did you make it a boy again Colton?!
Colton: Iunno, just picked it up.
What in the name of Will Wright..
Daley: Don't worry about getting up girls, I'll fix the sink, you just enjoy your chat while it leaks all over the kitchen.
Bryson.
Bryson: Mhm?
The fuck is that behind you.
Bryson: Oh that? Uh.. that'll be my.. uh..
It's ectoplasm, isn't it. You're actually ectoplasming all over the kitchen floor.
Bryson: Might be..
Bryson: -empties the teapot-
Daley: -mops the ectoplasm-
I'm starting to think that deep down I'm one of those bitter feminists lol.
Mallory I think you look hella cool and it's sweet that you're getting broody and all that shit but I don't think Jacob is enjoying that half as much as you'd like him to be.
Mallory from Jacob's perspective: -looms and grins-
Jacob: OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT WHY DOES IT HAVE A BEAK?!
I get so frustrated when any sim sits in their pyjamas and plays Sims on the computer all day, I even yell at them to go and do something interesting or be productive.
And then I realise that must be exactly how my boyfriend feels on my days off. Or my parents for the entirety of my pre-adult life.
We threw a birthday party for Mallory.
It wasn't a costume party.
Everybody: -pays a bit of attention-
And that was it. I had so many sims to juggle, because they all had whims/goals/aspirations that could be achieved at the party that I was micromanaging the shit out of it. So I didn't take pictures. Soz bout dat. You'll get over it.
Jacob's winky. Now you see it.
Now you don't.
Daley: Is it going to grow up with both?
I don't know Daley, I just don't know..
Well, that's a boy.
He looks so much like his dad did. He also rolled Outgoing. Like his dad did.
I would bitch about disappointing children but he ent elligible so fuck it.
Colton: -distracts Daley from his firstborn son's first birthday with a joke just offscreen-
Daley: Ahahaha, that's so true!
Colton: Tell me about it!
Daley: Wait.. weren't we in the middle of something?
Colton: Hm?
Daley: Wait where did Jacob go?
Colton: Oh shit yeah.
Mallory: Oh Gary, why does nobody want to play with me?
Voodoo Doll (henceforth known as Gary because I'm not typing that shit out every time): Maybe it's because you're a volatile bitch.
Mallory: -sighs- You may be right, Gary. You may be right..
N'aw. -Kicks them and Jacob out-
I invited Kory and Ivan over at the same time in the hope that I'd be shown some sort of sign as to which to choose.
Before Mallory even opened the door she rolled a whim to kiss Kory. So I immediately made her tell Ivan to leave lol.
Ivan: Wh-what? I just got here? You invited me.
Mallory: I am well aware of that. Nevertheless, you will leave now.
Burn.
/snog spam
Mallory: Now that we have observed the ritual of passionately cross-contaminating our bodily fluids-
Kory: Ew what?
Mallory: -will you be my boyfriend?
Kory: Sure, but wait what was that about fluid..?
Mallory: Yay but oh no!
Don't blame her, she has literally never made regular amicable social interactions before.
I cannot wait to give him a damn makeover.
-Interval from coitus-
Our interval entertainment tonight is brought to you by Colton.
Colton: -jammin' to what sounds like elevator music-
Mallory: So now we've had sex, tell me about yourself!
She legit rolled the whim to Get to Know him immediately after the Deed was Done.
Classy.
Mallory: You will now become mine.
Mallory: Alright so before I think properly about this..
Mallory: -gives best puppy-dog eyes-
Mallory: Tolerate me forever?
Mallory: Yeees.. YES.. take it.. good..
Mallory: I mean EEEEEK I'M SO EXCITED!
Well played.
This is all I could do with Kory.
His aspiration is Freelance Botanist, so I made him a little bit hippy.
He is Active, Neat and Hot-Headed.
Not working that dress like you were before you spread your legs, eh Kelley?
Kelley: :[
Nothing like hugging your future wife like she's your bro in the middle of your wedding ceremony.
Kory: Holy shit that's shiny.
Mallory: I'm glad you like it it isn't a blood diamond at all.
Wedding.
Bedding.
Done.
I started up a little garden around the side of the house for Kory. It's pretty cute.
Kelley: THIS IS AN UNACCEPTABLE AMOUNT OF PAIN.
I decided to have it at home because going to the hospital was actually a bit of a ballache - I don't know if anybody else has experienced this but I couldn't move around to view what was happening at groundfloor level unless I was Tabbed or right-clicked to follow someone. Everytime I turned the camera it would shoot me up a level. (And yes, I did Page Down and End a bunch of times).
Kelley: Is it mine? I think it's mine but it looks a little well-done. Did I leave it in too long?
(I'm suddenly so aware of how politically correct the world is now, so I feel obligated to say that if the baby was paler than Colton and Kelley I'd say it was raw and undercooked or something. Ridiculous that I feel I have to say that but yeah. I don't like giving the wrong impression, I just have the kind of sense of humour that could get me into trouble when I mean no harm).
ANYWAY.
Is this a new glitch?? And are we sure it's female? It's called Alice, either way. So let's hope so.
What are you doing.
Colton: I'm moving around as quietly as I can so I don't have to look after the new baby. Don't tell anyone where I am.
BOOGER CHILD SUCCESSFULLY IMPLANTED.
Mallory: Hey Kory! I have news!
Kory: Yeeeeeeeeees? -head pops up from garden-
Mallory: We're going to have a baby!
Mallory: Isn't that great?!
Kory: Ooooh! :]
On a serious note these two are constantly the first in line to look after Alice. They almost fight over it. They're totally ready to rear young.
See?
Kory: You said it was my turn next!
Mallory: Quit your yabberin' and run faster next time.
Kory whistles while he gardens. It's cute.
Colton: What the hell is this?? Who said you could put a garden here?!
Kory: I did Champ, and there's nothing you can do about it! :D
Me: O_O the fu..
Colton: Ughhh what a dooouuuche.
P.S, Kory is really skinny.
Mallory: Are you loyal to me.
Kory: Yes dear.
Mallory: Would you die for me.
Kory: In a heartbeat dear.
Mallory: Good. - walks off-
Mallory deals with relationships in her own way.
Bryson: N'awwww.. coochee coochee coo! ..There's uh.. not much family resemblance yet is there?
Nope. Glad you eventually came to meet her though, Bry. Good effort.
The garden is coming along nicely. Not entirely sure the banana plant really fits in with the rest of the lot but there we go.
And we end with a tender moment courtesy of the Monthly Kithkin Cuddle Club.
CIAO!