Take the Black and Paint it Red
Title: Take the Black and Paint it Red
Rating: G
Group/Pairing: NEWS; Koyama/Ryo
Warnings: Minor cursing
Notes: sanjihan, I hope you like this as much as I loved your drabble ♥
Beta-read by Alex and Frances, thank you~
Cut text by Aaron Rose, and probably best read while listening to Ryo’s “Ordinary.”
Link to Original Story: Where No One Can Find Us
Link to Original Writer: sanjihan @ electrictoad
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we can sometimes forget who we are and what our purpose is. We'll go through the motions, like a well-rehearsed dance, muscle memory guiding our way, but then is it really ours to claim? Today, it wasn’t music crammed in my brain, but curiosity. The songs given to me, songs I wrote and sung. Does love happen or is it made? Do I own my feelings and give them away or does someone take them from me? Days like these help charge my inspiration, the continuous questions make for interesting lyrics, but they leave me asking, "who am I and where do I stand?"
It was the end of another one of those days as I took another puff from my cigarette. The whiff of smoke as I exhaled swirled around me, a film of cloud lingering then dissipating into the evening wind. It was nice up here, where no one could see, idolize, or scrutinize me. It was just me, the sky, the city below, and my thoughts.
I hardly felt the rooftop cement beneath my feet, until the sound of a door opening behind me pulled me back to my senses. I turned to find Koyama walking towards me with a grin.
"So this is where you go," Koyama said.
"Yea," I replied, waving my half lit cigarette at him. "S'not often I see you up here. I'd thought you had quit this stuff already."
He shook his head. "The stress used to get to me, but now it's manageable." Koyama took out his own pack and started lighting one up.
I raise my eyebrow at him. "So, you’re stressed out now?"
Koyama gave me a knowing look and chuckled, hesitating to answer.
"Eh, a little. Just something on my mind." He smiled to reassure me, not that I was overly concerned, but that was what he did a lot, smile. I assumed if he wanted to talk, he would (to somebody, at least not me), so I didn't pry further.
We stood there against the railing for a few more minutes before I decided I was done. I motioned to Koyama that I was heading downstairs and he nodded back at me. That was the extent of our conversation, but that was ok; smoke breaks around here weren't meant for one-on-ones.
-
Another day of PV shooting had finished, this time with Kanjani8. No matter how much I love doing this job and hanging out with those crazy kids, it tired me the hell out. Before I knew it, I had run my way up the stairs and onto the rooftop, ready for a few moments between myself and the open space around me.
If not for the array of city lights and the moon hanging high above, I would not be able to tell where I was standing. I inhaled and stretched my arms out a little. "Wait a minute, did it rain today?" I said aloud as I noticed the moistness in the air.
“Yesterday, actually,” came the reply from behind me; I jumped (thankfully, I was not near the railing).
"What the fuck! Who the fuck--?" I rushed towards the sound of the restrained laughter and punched, what I assumed was a sitting person, in his stomach.
"Ow, Ryo-chan! It's me, Koyama. I'm sorry, jeez!" He yelled between scrambling to get away and still managing to laugh at the same time.
"Don't scare me like that again," I warned, though knowing it was Koyama, I went a little easier on the man. Still, it wasn't my fault; he was like a cat and snuck up on you -I only reacted naturally.
He didn't say anything in response to my threat, though with our history as friends, he knew I had a soft spot for him even if we never hung out like he would with Shige or Yamapi. We sort of had a mutual agreement to take care of each other, and I respected him for his hard work as an MC and for being serious about our music.
I sighed, "What were you saying about the rain?"
Koyama stood next to me, now against the railing and said, "I said it rained yesterday."
I took out my cellphone (no missed calls or texts, tsk), "Damn, it's past midnight already. I have another interview tomorrow morning."
"Poor Ryo-chan, working two jobs."
"Yea, tell me about it. But anyway, what are you doing up here? Again."
"This is public property the last time I checked-"
"Whatever, if you're gonna play that game with me." I was not in the mood to be joked with. I had enough of that during the day.
"Sorry," Koyama said sheepishly. He waited a beat, "I just finished shooting too. Just thought I'd get some fresh air. Seems like you do this often."
We didn't say anything for a couple minutes. My mind started drifting as I concentrated on the grayish spots on the moon, trying to make my eyes see further, perhaps see the depth of the craters or to see if I could catch the moon traveling slowly across the darkness.
Koyama sat down and started talking about his day as if I was the most attentive listener he knew.
"Solo shoots are really something, aren't they? Different, weird. Usually, even with regular group shots, we have individual shots and that's ok, but you guys generally stick around for that. It was awfully quiet today. I tried talking to the make-up artist, but she told me she needed to go to another room, and everyone was just busy and I just sat there. I eventually got up and wandered, but I couldn't wander that far...and well, lunch was fantastic though! This bentou, I don't know there they got it from, but --"
And on and on; it's just so natural for Koyama to speak with or without an audience, and I was okay with that. I had gotten so adept at tuning things out -I needed sleep during Kanjani8 concerts and half the time, that only happened if you were deaf- that I hadn't realized that all I could hear were the distant cries of the cicadas and the sloshing of tires on the street. Then, I realized, it had gotten so silent because Koyama had fallen asleep right next to me.
Now that I was paying attention, I could feel his head leaning a little bit on my right leg, his hands laid lightly on my shoe.
For some reason, the word 'cute' popped into my mind. My eyebrows furrowed instantly, my own body reacting to the random thought, but I continued to look down. It's not like I had never seen people sleep before, or just how crazy some people look while sleeping (like that one time Koyama wore a plushie shark hat to bed), but Koyama's resting head seemed so...peaceful and calming to watch. Again, my eyebrows furrowed. What. The. Fuck.
Out of courtesy, and because he was my friend, I didn't yank the foot from right under his head. I turned around to see what I could do, but it seemed like Koyama had a secure grip on my leg, and I couldn't just lift it up and walk away. Damn, this man is strong. Must be all the times he's spent trying to out train Yamapi and his damn muscles. Still, he probably couldn't win me at arm wrestling…
I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to just sit down. Maybe I was tired of thinking, standing- tired in general. The next thing I know, or can assume from the stiff neck that plagued me the next morning, I had fallen asleep. I remembered, sometime in the middle of the night/early morning, Koyama had woken up, gently propping me upright, and laid his jacket over me. Before he left, he knelt in front of me and hesitantly placed his hands on my cheek, letting the warmth of his palms seep into my skin for a moment. I think I remember him saying, "If only you knew, Ryo-chan. How much I...hmm, sleep well." He smiled to himself and left.
The scene before me started to change, flashes of red and heat came crashing into the walls of the building. I stood and watched, as if this wasn't really happening, as the Jimusho became consumed in light.
This had to be a dream, I thought to myself, there's no way that could actually happen. The question was: where was that fine line between reality and dreaming?
I rubbed my sniff neck, a weight sliding off my shoulders. I looked down; it was Koyama's jacket.
Thoughts rushed into my mind, thoughts that didn't make sense or wanted to believe, emotions that I didn't understand or want to know. I ran downstairs as fast as my tired body could take me, rushed to the nearest bathroom, and struggled to turn the faucet on. My hands worked furiously to capture the water to splash my flushed face. I looked up and staring back at me was a skinny, tanned, and tired man- hands still cupping my cheeks- wondering, what was real anymore?
The next few days, I continued working with Kanjani8. I had never been so grateful for their ridiculous, immature, distractions, even if it gave me a headache at the end of the day. I hadn't planned on meeting up with the rest of NEWS until next week, but damn my luck, Koyama just so happened to be recording Shounen Club at the exact same time I would be there. Usually, I wouldn't care about this detail, but I needed time to think about what had happened on that roof that night. Was that a dream? The jacket was real, alright, but the Jimusho burning in flames...
I walked faster to Kanjani's dressing room; I would go on a smoke break but I couldn't risk bumping into Koyama again...not until I figured out what exactly was running through my mind.
My hand hovered over the dressing room door, the pack of cigarettes burning a hole in my back pocket. Fuck it, I thought, I seriously needed to calm down.
My hand held the doorknob to the roof, still wavering on my decision to go up there. Before I could push forward, the door pushed me back. It gave me a good scare; I was ready to punch the fool who did that.
“WATCH WHERE-“ I managed to yell out before Koyama’s giggling face appeared from behind the door and bowed, still smiling, but apologizing.
“Not again! God damn it!” I couldn’t tell if I was angry with him or if I was angry with my luck.
“I was just looking for you,” he said cheerfully, as if he couldn’t tell I was about to blow a gasket.
I glared at him, until he stepped back and let me through. He immediately lit a cigarette and handed it to me; he knew exactly which brand I smoked too. I took a couple of puffs before I turned to thank him; he knew all too well how to appease me.
I inhaled, trying to control my voice as I spoke, “Thanks for the jacket from the other night. I’ll give it back later.” I stared down, counting all the cars in the parking lot, unable to look anywhere else.
“Ah,” was all Koyama managed to say.
After a long time in silence, I decided to just spit it out. “Koyama, what were you trying to say to me the other night?” I regretted immediately, wondering if it was really in the dream, but I got my answer soon enough.
He sighed, turning to face me. “Since you asked, I have no choice but to tell you, right?” A beat and another long exhale from the older man, “I…think…I’ve fallen-”
“Wait!” I interrupted him. “You don’t have to say anymore,” I tried saying with a diplomatic tone, neither rejecting nor accepting his statement.
Eventually, curiosity got the best of me and I asked, “When did you know?”
“It just sort of happened. Little things like how you’d bully Shige when you only want him to improve, how you forced Yamapi to practice your dance routine so you could see how you could improve… Time changes things, I suppose.” Koyama realized he might have said a little too much and looked away from me.
We both stared back towards the city surrounding the Jimusho, glad to have it out in the open. While it was still a little awkward and tense, I could tell he was relieved as well.
And then, in natural form, Koyama said with a brilliant, stupidly optimistic, smile, "In the right light, at the right time, everything is extraordinary."
The, now, familiar view before us: skyscrapers' offices still lit up, dots of light moving slowly as cars stuck in traffic tried to get home, the many colorful signs of conbinis...And then there was the sky itself, darkening shades of oranges, purples, and blues- all turned into a brilliant display of colors, and I couldn't help but smile and think, yea, maybe Koyama was right.
That’s when all the things I thought I knew started changing. Somewhere between uncertainty, fear and hope, I found middle ground. There was still so much to be figured out between us, but the fact that being with Koyama felt natural, good -something I needed in my day - that was when I knew it didn't matter who or what we were, as long as we could share each day, turning ordinary moments into something extraordinary.
Rating: G
Group/Pairing: NEWS; Koyama/Ryo
Warnings: Minor cursing
Notes: sanjihan, I hope you like this as much as I loved your drabble ♥
Beta-read by Alex and Frances, thank you~
Cut text by Aaron Rose, and probably best read while listening to Ryo’s “Ordinary.”
Link to Original Story: Where No One Can Find Us
Link to Original Writer: sanjihan @ electrictoad
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we can sometimes forget who we are and what our purpose is. We'll go through the motions, like a well-rehearsed dance, muscle memory guiding our way, but then is it really ours to claim? Today, it wasn’t music crammed in my brain, but curiosity. The songs given to me, songs I wrote and sung. Does love happen or is it made? Do I own my feelings and give them away or does someone take them from me? Days like these help charge my inspiration, the continuous questions make for interesting lyrics, but they leave me asking, "who am I and where do I stand?"
It was the end of another one of those days as I took another puff from my cigarette. The whiff of smoke as I exhaled swirled around me, a film of cloud lingering then dissipating into the evening wind. It was nice up here, where no one could see, idolize, or scrutinize me. It was just me, the sky, the city below, and my thoughts.
I hardly felt the rooftop cement beneath my feet, until the sound of a door opening behind me pulled me back to my senses. I turned to find Koyama walking towards me with a grin.
"So this is where you go," Koyama said.
"Yea," I replied, waving my half lit cigarette at him. "S'not often I see you up here. I'd thought you had quit this stuff already."
He shook his head. "The stress used to get to me, but now it's manageable." Koyama took out his own pack and started lighting one up.
I raise my eyebrow at him. "So, you’re stressed out now?"
Koyama gave me a knowing look and chuckled, hesitating to answer.
"Eh, a little. Just something on my mind." He smiled to reassure me, not that I was overly concerned, but that was what he did a lot, smile. I assumed if he wanted to talk, he would (to somebody, at least not me), so I didn't pry further.
We stood there against the railing for a few more minutes before I decided I was done. I motioned to Koyama that I was heading downstairs and he nodded back at me. That was the extent of our conversation, but that was ok; smoke breaks around here weren't meant for one-on-ones.
-
Another day of PV shooting had finished, this time with Kanjani8. No matter how much I love doing this job and hanging out with those crazy kids, it tired me the hell out. Before I knew it, I had run my way up the stairs and onto the rooftop, ready for a few moments between myself and the open space around me.
If not for the array of city lights and the moon hanging high above, I would not be able to tell where I was standing. I inhaled and stretched my arms out a little. "Wait a minute, did it rain today?" I said aloud as I noticed the moistness in the air.
“Yesterday, actually,” came the reply from behind me; I jumped (thankfully, I was not near the railing).
"What the fuck! Who the fuck--?" I rushed towards the sound of the restrained laughter and punched, what I assumed was a sitting person, in his stomach.
"Ow, Ryo-chan! It's me, Koyama. I'm sorry, jeez!" He yelled between scrambling to get away and still managing to laugh at the same time.
"Don't scare me like that again," I warned, though knowing it was Koyama, I went a little easier on the man. Still, it wasn't my fault; he was like a cat and snuck up on you -I only reacted naturally.
He didn't say anything in response to my threat, though with our history as friends, he knew I had a soft spot for him even if we never hung out like he would with Shige or Yamapi. We sort of had a mutual agreement to take care of each other, and I respected him for his hard work as an MC and for being serious about our music.
I sighed, "What were you saying about the rain?"
Koyama stood next to me, now against the railing and said, "I said it rained yesterday."
I took out my cellphone (no missed calls or texts, tsk), "Damn, it's past midnight already. I have another interview tomorrow morning."
"Poor Ryo-chan, working two jobs."
"Yea, tell me about it. But anyway, what are you doing up here? Again."
"This is public property the last time I checked-"
"Whatever, if you're gonna play that game with me." I was not in the mood to be joked with. I had enough of that during the day.
"Sorry," Koyama said sheepishly. He waited a beat, "I just finished shooting too. Just thought I'd get some fresh air. Seems like you do this often."
We didn't say anything for a couple minutes. My mind started drifting as I concentrated on the grayish spots on the moon, trying to make my eyes see further, perhaps see the depth of the craters or to see if I could catch the moon traveling slowly across the darkness.
Koyama sat down and started talking about his day as if I was the most attentive listener he knew.
"Solo shoots are really something, aren't they? Different, weird. Usually, even with regular group shots, we have individual shots and that's ok, but you guys generally stick around for that. It was awfully quiet today. I tried talking to the make-up artist, but she told me she needed to go to another room, and everyone was just busy and I just sat there. I eventually got up and wandered, but I couldn't wander that far...and well, lunch was fantastic though! This bentou, I don't know there they got it from, but --"
And on and on; it's just so natural for Koyama to speak with or without an audience, and I was okay with that. I had gotten so adept at tuning things out -I needed sleep during Kanjani8 concerts and half the time, that only happened if you were deaf- that I hadn't realized that all I could hear were the distant cries of the cicadas and the sloshing of tires on the street. Then, I realized, it had gotten so silent because Koyama had fallen asleep right next to me.
Now that I was paying attention, I could feel his head leaning a little bit on my right leg, his hands laid lightly on my shoe.
For some reason, the word 'cute' popped into my mind. My eyebrows furrowed instantly, my own body reacting to the random thought, but I continued to look down. It's not like I had never seen people sleep before, or just how crazy some people look while sleeping (like that one time Koyama wore a plushie shark hat to bed), but Koyama's resting head seemed so...peaceful and calming to watch. Again, my eyebrows furrowed. What. The. Fuck.
Out of courtesy, and because he was my friend, I didn't yank the foot from right under his head. I turned around to see what I could do, but it seemed like Koyama had a secure grip on my leg, and I couldn't just lift it up and walk away. Damn, this man is strong. Must be all the times he's spent trying to out train Yamapi and his damn muscles. Still, he probably couldn't win me at arm wrestling…
I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to just sit down. Maybe I was tired of thinking, standing- tired in general. The next thing I know, or can assume from the stiff neck that plagued me the next morning, I had fallen asleep. I remembered, sometime in the middle of the night/early morning, Koyama had woken up, gently propping me upright, and laid his jacket over me. Before he left, he knelt in front of me and hesitantly placed his hands on my cheek, letting the warmth of his palms seep into my skin for a moment. I think I remember him saying, "If only you knew, Ryo-chan. How much I...hmm, sleep well." He smiled to himself and left.
The scene before me started to change, flashes of red and heat came crashing into the walls of the building. I stood and watched, as if this wasn't really happening, as the Jimusho became consumed in light.
This had to be a dream, I thought to myself, there's no way that could actually happen. The question was: where was that fine line between reality and dreaming?
I rubbed my sniff neck, a weight sliding off my shoulders. I looked down; it was Koyama's jacket.
Thoughts rushed into my mind, thoughts that didn't make sense or wanted to believe, emotions that I didn't understand or want to know. I ran downstairs as fast as my tired body could take me, rushed to the nearest bathroom, and struggled to turn the faucet on. My hands worked furiously to capture the water to splash my flushed face. I looked up and staring back at me was a skinny, tanned, and tired man- hands still cupping my cheeks- wondering, what was real anymore?
The next few days, I continued working with Kanjani8. I had never been so grateful for their ridiculous, immature, distractions, even if it gave me a headache at the end of the day. I hadn't planned on meeting up with the rest of NEWS until next week, but damn my luck, Koyama just so happened to be recording Shounen Club at the exact same time I would be there. Usually, I wouldn't care about this detail, but I needed time to think about what had happened on that roof that night. Was that a dream? The jacket was real, alright, but the Jimusho burning in flames...
I walked faster to Kanjani's dressing room; I would go on a smoke break but I couldn't risk bumping into Koyama again...not until I figured out what exactly was running through my mind.
My hand hovered over the dressing room door, the pack of cigarettes burning a hole in my back pocket. Fuck it, I thought, I seriously needed to calm down.
My hand held the doorknob to the roof, still wavering on my decision to go up there. Before I could push forward, the door pushed me back. It gave me a good scare; I was ready to punch the fool who did that.
“WATCH WHERE-“ I managed to yell out before Koyama’s giggling face appeared from behind the door and bowed, still smiling, but apologizing.
“Not again! God damn it!” I couldn’t tell if I was angry with him or if I was angry with my luck.
“I was just looking for you,” he said cheerfully, as if he couldn’t tell I was about to blow a gasket.
I glared at him, until he stepped back and let me through. He immediately lit a cigarette and handed it to me; he knew exactly which brand I smoked too. I took a couple of puffs before I turned to thank him; he knew all too well how to appease me.
I inhaled, trying to control my voice as I spoke, “Thanks for the jacket from the other night. I’ll give it back later.” I stared down, counting all the cars in the parking lot, unable to look anywhere else.
“Ah,” was all Koyama managed to say.
After a long time in silence, I decided to just spit it out. “Koyama, what were you trying to say to me the other night?” I regretted immediately, wondering if it was really in the dream, but I got my answer soon enough.
He sighed, turning to face me. “Since you asked, I have no choice but to tell you, right?” A beat and another long exhale from the older man, “I…think…I’ve fallen-”
“Wait!” I interrupted him. “You don’t have to say anymore,” I tried saying with a diplomatic tone, neither rejecting nor accepting his statement.
Eventually, curiosity got the best of me and I asked, “When did you know?”
“It just sort of happened. Little things like how you’d bully Shige when you only want him to improve, how you forced Yamapi to practice your dance routine so you could see how you could improve… Time changes things, I suppose.” Koyama realized he might have said a little too much and looked away from me.
We both stared back towards the city surrounding the Jimusho, glad to have it out in the open. While it was still a little awkward and tense, I could tell he was relieved as well.
And then, in natural form, Koyama said with a brilliant, stupidly optimistic, smile, "In the right light, at the right time, everything is extraordinary."
The, now, familiar view before us: skyscrapers' offices still lit up, dots of light moving slowly as cars stuck in traffic tried to get home, the many colorful signs of conbinis...And then there was the sky itself, darkening shades of oranges, purples, and blues- all turned into a brilliant display of colors, and I couldn't help but smile and think, yea, maybe Koyama was right.
That’s when all the things I thought I knew started changing. Somewhere between uncertainty, fear and hope, I found middle ground. There was still so much to be figured out between us, but the fact that being with Koyama felt natural, good -something I needed in my day - that was when I knew it didn't matter who or what we were, as long as we could share each day, turning ordinary moments into something extraordinary.