Title: 同じように
Group/pairing: NEWS; RyoKei
Word Count: 1,191
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Koyama finds it really hard to believe sometimes, why he's fallen for the person who is almost the complete opposite of him. He finds himself questioning what it is exactly that makes him like Nishikido Ryo so much. Is it the harsh way he criticizes everyone's appearances and performances, or is it because he seemed like the loner type? Is it because he is so hard working, or is it because there are just certain things that bring out his golden smile, and unabashed laughter?
Koyama didn't know why, and he didn't know how to find out.
It had already been several years since NEWS was created, and the admiration and respect for this man had time to grow, and he'd always just saw it as such. But now the feelings were evident, and he didn't know what to do. He couldn't tell Shige, because that would make it awkward. They were in the same band after all; what was he supposed to do?
Koyama had always been the one to talk, about anything and everything; he could say what was on his mind with the right tone for the right situation. Although he often was teased for being an idiot, even those 'blond' moments were done in the sake of amusing others. But the one thing that always eluded him was how he would express his emotions, those hiding in the deepest regions of his heart, for Ryo.
Even after all these years of knowing this amazing person, how do you begin to tell him that you love him?
He's seen Ryo with other partners, mostly women. He knows what type of person Ryo likes, and yet, Koyama hopes for a positive reaction. He's thought about this for many years, he's held it back for the sake of the band, but he fears that if he hides it any longer, something will break.
One night, Koyama and Ryo are the only ones left in the dressing room. It's been a tiring day, and they are even too lazy to walk out to head home. Koyama offers Ryo a ride home since he can't drive any more. Ryo accepts, again too tired to protest.
Koyama turns the radio on, but turns the volume down; he doesn't like silences after all. It is in no way, awkward, both are too exhausted to think, but Koyama's mind is always reeling when he's near Ryo. The radio helps distract him while he's driving. Ryo may have fallen asleep.
“Koyama,” he says, voice barely audible from a long day’s use.
“Hmm?”
“Have you ever wondered why you get along with people so well?”
“I find the positive points in everyone I see, so I guess that reflects in how people treat me as well.”
“That’s what you always say, in the interviews I mean, but what is it really?”
Koyama chuckles a little, “It’s not like I’m lying, and it’s not like I really know. It’s just my guess. It makes sense though, right?”
“We get along well right?”
“Of course. Why?”
“Well, haven’t you ever wondered? I’m always dubbed the mean one of this group, and even though you know me better than that, don’t you ever wonder how we never seem to fight?”
Koyama doesn’t want to answer honestly, because he would have to say that is because he likes him for all those qualities that lead the group along. But then again, that doesn’t sound all too suspicious and he answers with it anyway.
“Does getting along with everyone make it harder or easier for you to fall in love?” Ryo asks, catching Koyama off guard.
“Um, I don’t really know…” Koyama tries to feign ignorance.
“Koyama,” Ryo’s voice is firm. “I need- I just want to know.” He sighs, tired.
“Eh?” Koyama’s confused now. He thinks he hears a slight change in Ryo’s voice, firm yet shaking. He wonders if he has enough courage to continue this conversation.
“It’s kind of hard to say.” Koyama tries to answer. “Isn’t there always one person out of everyone you know that you love just a little bit more? It doesn’t really matter if you get along with everyone, you’ll still fall in love the same way, right?”
Ryo’s smiling in the dark; another sigh escapes him, like a sound of relief. He wants to ask what type of person Koyama likes more, but knows that he's better off just saying how he feels.
“Koyama, I like you.”
Koyama grips the steering wheel, unsure of what he just heard; pretty sure the pounding of his heart is drowning out all other sounds.
“That’s kind of a sudden statement, Ryo-”
“Is this how you respond to someone confessing to you?”
Koyama could tell his voice was on edge and that it took a lot of will power to say something like this. He could tell that he was trying to protect himself by sounding more forceful than questioning.
“Ryo, I’m sorry. What I should have said was that, I’m glad you said it first, because if you hadn’t, I would have been hiding it for a very long time.”
It’s quiet as Ryo’s probably trying to find the proper words. “I was tempted to hit you right now for beginning your sentence with ‘I’m sorry.’”
They both laugh a little, easing the tension in the car.
The lights from the city show both of their unwavering smiles as they pass by. It’s nearly impossible to hide happiness from the world, from each other.
It was as if an imaginary wall had toppled a little in both their minds. Ryo would still make jokes out of certain things, and Koyama would still be kind and caring, but it was as if they both knew they couldn’t leave things unsaid anymore. All the questions Koyama’s ever wanted to ask, Ryo instinctually knows them. And he’s honest about them; he’s never been one to sugar coat things after all. Their relationship doesn’t really change, and neither have their feelings; it’s more of a gradual building of another type of bond that only two people in love can share.
Koyama still wonders why he's fallen for Ryo sometimes. But now, his answers are always beside him. He takes a glance at Ryo and knows that hiding underneath the harsh exterior lies a man who's too shy to show his kindness. He wants the best for you, so he pushes you to your limits. He knows you more than you could possibly imagine, he sees, listens, and feels with passion and courage, and he doesn’t apologize for it. Sometimes, he does when he knows it’s the right thing to do, but in his heart, he is Nishikido Ryo; who would apologize for being the person he was born to be?
Whenever Koyama questions why he loves Ryo, he’ll remember the time when those questions were unanswered. He thinks about the man he knows on the outside, and then he sees past that. He sees a man who’s closer to him than he ever knew possible. And then he knows why he loves Ryo.
That is why we all do.
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