Amazed, aren't you?
I've had a lot on my mind lately, most likely due to the fact that I've been entirely too anti-social the past few weeks. I think best when I can express myself through words... spoken usually, b/c sometimes I just have to talk through things for them to make sense to me. I like to write but it doesn't compare to a uber-sweet conversation with a good friend who pretty much knows your life story... like Em, Alanna or Heidi. There are others whom I greatly enjoy talks with; like the one and only Laura Bantle, my fabulously cynical friend Sean T. Johnston and Becca my serious talk pal. And you can't forget my girl Kristin that literally knows my life story since she lived half of it right by my side. I've had some of the best conversations ever with these folks... way to be guys, way to be!
I can't explain how I feel right now. It's like I've just taken myself out of life for the past month. Just recently have I been in contact with any Greek related persons and though there have been the regulars I haven't been myself at all. It's like a veil of depression hanging over my head b/c there is absolutely no way possible that this summer can follow the last... seriously. I don't know what exactly I expected but I'm pretty sure I screwed myself over by staying at school in hopes that the days could, if even slightly, resemble those of the summer past. I honestly don't think anything could ever top that summer except maybe... actually, I don't think it's possible.
I have spent my entire week cleaning out my room here at home... going through old papers, notes and memories. I've been thinking about all the friends I have lost touch with along the way and worry that all of it is my fault. I know there are a few that I have treated poorly, for that I'm sorry. What's done is done and can't be changed but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. I thought going through my apt room was bad, with a "Hey Heidi, remember this?" every five seconds but it was nothing compared to the flood of memories that have been passing through my hands the last few days. Crazy shit Maynard.
At least I'm working again. Though, I don't think I could be in a more poorly suited job. I have never liked math, numbers or managing business like things such as billings, invoices, cash receipts and credit memos... but that's what I'm doing. I'm a freakin clerical accountant for the next two months and I think I may go insane. Yes, I could go find another job, but then I'd have to have set hours and unflexible days. So what if I have to dress up and feel the uncontrolable desire to bang my head against the sharp edge of a cubicle, it's money that I desperately need!
Oh and that whole coming home thing was a pretty damn smart idea... the $3 I had left in my wallet when I moved out has lasted me an entire week... amazing! Food paid for by the rents, a tank full of gas that never gets used b/c Erica drives us everywhere and no bills to pay... until the CC comes in the mail (then I'll be sorry). Very smart idea indeed.
Oh, hey, I've found an internship... possibly. I still have to get the job, but I think I have a good shot and if so, I'll be pretty much set to graduate in May '06... just 5 short years of college and then the real world. Ya know, college has flown by so fast, it's amazing. High school couldn't end fast enough and everyone was so excited to be seniors and just get out of school... then you go to college and by the end of the 4th year you find yourself wishing you could stretch it out for just a few more years... I'm totally okay with not being a complete adult yet. Actually, I may even decide to go to grad school just to stay a student for longer, hey, why not right? Except that I've been getting more and more interested in the things I'm doing outside of classes rather than what I could be learning and my grades are slipping as I go. I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too.
That, by the way, is one of the most ridiculous sayings in the world. Someone please enlighten me as to the origin of the cake phrase and there will be a reward.
Holy huge entry batman, sorry for those of you who hate this sort of long random update, but hey, I don't do it very often, I promise!
And to jump on the LJ bandwagon, GO PISTONS! And for my own personal sake, GO TIGERS!!!! You knew that was coming. Enough for now...
Emily, this line is for you.
I can't explain how I feel right now. It's like I've just taken myself out of life for the past month. Just recently have I been in contact with any Greek related persons and though there have been the regulars I haven't been myself at all. It's like a veil of depression hanging over my head b/c there is absolutely no way possible that this summer can follow the last... seriously. I don't know what exactly I expected but I'm pretty sure I screwed myself over by staying at school in hopes that the days could, if even slightly, resemble those of the summer past. I honestly don't think anything could ever top that summer except maybe... actually, I don't think it's possible.
I have spent my entire week cleaning out my room here at home... going through old papers, notes and memories. I've been thinking about all the friends I have lost touch with along the way and worry that all of it is my fault. I know there are a few that I have treated poorly, for that I'm sorry. What's done is done and can't be changed but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. I thought going through my apt room was bad, with a "Hey Heidi, remember this?" every five seconds but it was nothing compared to the flood of memories that have been passing through my hands the last few days. Crazy shit Maynard.
At least I'm working again. Though, I don't think I could be in a more poorly suited job. I have never liked math, numbers or managing business like things such as billings, invoices, cash receipts and credit memos... but that's what I'm doing. I'm a freakin clerical accountant for the next two months and I think I may go insane. Yes, I could go find another job, but then I'd have to have set hours and unflexible days. So what if I have to dress up and feel the uncontrolable desire to bang my head against the sharp edge of a cubicle, it's money that I desperately need!
Oh and that whole coming home thing was a pretty damn smart idea... the $3 I had left in my wallet when I moved out has lasted me an entire week... amazing! Food paid for by the rents, a tank full of gas that never gets used b/c Erica drives us everywhere and no bills to pay... until the CC comes in the mail (then I'll be sorry). Very smart idea indeed.
Oh, hey, I've found an internship... possibly. I still have to get the job, but I think I have a good shot and if so, I'll be pretty much set to graduate in May '06... just 5 short years of college and then the real world. Ya know, college has flown by so fast, it's amazing. High school couldn't end fast enough and everyone was so excited to be seniors and just get out of school... then you go to college and by the end of the 4th year you find yourself wishing you could stretch it out for just a few more years... I'm totally okay with not being a complete adult yet. Actually, I may even decide to go to grad school just to stay a student for longer, hey, why not right? Except that I've been getting more and more interested in the things I'm doing outside of classes rather than what I could be learning and my grades are slipping as I go. I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too.
That, by the way, is one of the most ridiculous sayings in the world. Someone please enlighten me as to the origin of the cake phrase and there will be a reward.
Holy huge entry batman, sorry for those of you who hate this sort of long random update, but hey, I don't do it very often, I promise!
And to jump on the LJ bandwagon, GO PISTONS! And for my own personal sake, GO TIGERS!!!! You knew that was coming. Enough for now...
Emily, this line is for you.