(no subject)
i feel like im getting depressed again i dont know maybe im just tired but i cant help but feel like i have nothing meaningful to say and nothing meaningful in life to keep me occuppiied i used to say stuff that actually made sense and i use to be so smart now i just feel so stupid and i dunno im tired of my monotone as i like to call it life everything is the same theres nothign new nothing to make me happy just bullshit and dram with people i dont even give a shit about and i dont know if ill have enough money to start school in the fall...no fuck that im gonna be poor and not buy shit but food and all the necesities that i absolutely need ive strayed sooooo far awy from the person i want and need to be i dont like the "me" that i am right now its not even me really its just some weird dude that is way insecure and has no ambition i use to be so motivated now im just like wahtever about everything and everything i say is just pure ignorance and just some really lame shit i need to get back on the right track and make somethign of myself im gonna go back to school in the fall and if that goes as good as i really really want it to then im staying in school and im gonna own my own business in about 5 years but if it doesnt go so well then im seriously considering enrolling into the air force so i can travel some and get an education and just experience lifeand see things that i wouldnt be able to see by staying on the path im on right now i dunno i feel like whenever somebody looks at me there just like ew that guys gross or like im some kind of pervert and wtf is up with so many people saying im gay?!?!?!!? fuuuuck im like how the fuck do i appear to be gay i dont act gay i dont sound gay shit im prolly not even worthy of being called gay but apperently im not worthy of being called straight either so what am i supposed to do be asexual? fuuuuck that and fuuuuuuck you if you think im gay...i need change i need somebody that will make me happy whenever i see them or even think about them i need some sort of affextion and i dont know how to get it but i dont think i even know how to show affection so i guess i cant have affection shown towards me if i dont know how to show affection towards others i dunno but for now i just need to concentrate on getting my life back on the right track and enjoying life its summer for fucks sake im going to the beacj tomorrow and i went today and im gonna go sunday so fuck this shit cuz im rambling although i did mean like 99 percent of what i said k im done...im lame and i actually like The New American Classic by Taking Back Sunday even tho i dont care the band that much i do like that song...ok im done peace homies