So confused...
Bah, what the hell is going on?
So many people are fucking me over, but so many are actually caring about me... I am not fucking used to this... No one ever cared before... How do I deal with it? I just don't know...
I talked to Frankie, and... All I can say is wow, she is great... I can't believe it. Read this:
PsychoticLove420: we need to talk
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
OvertheEdgeFear: Ok
PsychoticLove420: i read ur live journal
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
PsychoticLove420: and you said you were feeling suicidal
PsychoticLove420: what is that shit about
OvertheEdgeFear: It doesn't mean I did anything
PsychoticLove420: it better not.. it better not mean anything
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
PsychoticLove420: im not kidding
OvertheEdgeFear: Why are you acting like this?
PsychoticLove420: what do you mean
OvertheEdgeFear: You're being kind of mean about it...
PsychoticLove420: no .. sweetie im not tryin to be
PsychoticLove420: i was on a while ago and read it
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
PsychoticLove420: and i went to bed and woke up and wanted to talk to u
OvertheEdgeFear: Oh
PsychoticLove420: i dont want you ever to feel that way
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
PsychoticLove420: Look
OvertheEdgeFear: Well... I dunno, I'll get over it eventually
PsychoticLove420: you are my friend..and i care very much about you
PsychoticLove420: I dont want you to feel that much pain that saying ur feeling suicidal
PsychoticLove420: Look
PsychoticLove420: no matter what day it is..no matter what time.. you can always call
PsychoticLove420: Ill always be here for you if u want to talk
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
OvertheEdgeFear: Thanks...
OvertheEdgeFear: But, I have felt this a lot
PsychoticLove420: you can call my house whenever..if im not home.. u can call me at work..and im getting a cell next week.. ill give u that number and you can call me whenever you need
OvertheEdgeFear: I've gotten over it almost every time without trying to kill myself
PsychoticLove420: please just
PsychoticLove420: talk about it
PsychoticLove420: dont say things like that
OvertheEdgeFear: I don't talk though,...
OvertheEdgeFear: And...
PsychoticLove420: i know you dont like talkin about things
PsychoticLove420: but.. just know.. you can talk to me about anything... ive been in the same thing u are
OvertheEdgeFear: When I do, people think that it isn't a big deal and all, but to me it is, they don't understand the pain I feel...
PsychoticLove420: Well i used to be the biggest cutter in the world.
PsychoticLove420: I understand alot of things..But no one gives me the change
PsychoticLove420: chance*
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
OvertheEdgeFear: You haven't been on lately anyway
PsychoticLove420: you know my number
PsychoticLove420: and i have reasons as to why i wasnt on
OvertheEdgeFear: I know that, that's not my business, but I don't like talking on the phone...
PsychoticLove420: oh alright
PsychoticLove420: well if u want to talk online and im not on..call me and ill go on.. i dont mind
PsychoticLove420: ..?
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
OvertheEdgeFear: I wouldn't wanna bother you though
OvertheEdgeFear: and what if you are with Josh?
PsychoticLove420: you wouldnt be
PsychoticLove420: i promise
PsychoticLove420: so?
PsychoticLove420: he'll live
PsychoticLove420: lol
OvertheEdgeFear: he'd get pissed you are talking to me would't he?
PsychoticLove420: he can go without me bein by his side.. he basically lives here.. he does watever he wants here.. he could find somethin to do
PsychoticLove420: no he wouldnt
OvertheEdgeFear: I see...
OvertheEdgeFear: Well, I dunno
PsychoticLove420: yea
PsychoticLove420: ..?
OvertheEdgeFear: Don't yell at me, but I don't see what the big deal is...
PsychoticLove420: i see
PsychoticLove420: Well your not me.. so u wouldnt.
OvertheEdgeFear: The thing is that you ahve plenty of friends, and you haven't known me that long, so I can't be that great of one, so...
OvertheEdgeFear: I don't understand why you would be affected that much
PsychoticLove420: i see..
PsychoticLove420: well when the day comes..and someone u know says there feelig suicidal.. and u dont make a big deal out of it..then the next day..there fuckin dead.. then u wont question me as to why its a big deal
PsychoticLove420: so yeah
PsychoticLove420: it happened to me.
PsychoticLove420: So thats why.
OvertheEdgeFear: I see
OvertheEdgeFear: So it's kind of a guilt thing?
PsychoticLove420: no its kind of a i dont want it to happen aigan thing.
OvertheEdgeFear: Yeah, but... You can pretend like you didn't know I was feeling that, then you'd be ok
PsychoticLove420: You know what..just nevermind
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
PsychoticLove420: You obviously dont understand..but i dont expect you too
OvertheEdgeFear: How could I?
PsychoticLove420: Just know im here if you need me
OvertheEdgeFear: How could I understand?
OvertheEdgeFear: No one ever let me understand...
PsychoticLove420: im only one call away.
PsychoticLove420: dont forget
OvertheEdgeFear: If it is caring about me, then I am definitely not used to it, because no one ever cared, and I don't know how to take it
OvertheEdgeFear: (caring)
PsychoticLove420: I only have one thing to say about that then im going
PsychoticLove420: You dont know how to take it?
PsychoticLove420: Well honey..You better learn.
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
PsychoticLove420 signed off at 11:18:55 PM
Finally, someone who really cares... It's a first, but some people I don't even know are actually seeming to care about me. I am so confused...
I worked from 6-10:30 today. Tomorrow it's another 6-10er. so, wish me luck.
Come on Hot Topic, call me!
So many people are fucking me over, but so many are actually caring about me... I am not fucking used to this... No one ever cared before... How do I deal with it? I just don't know...
I talked to Frankie, and... All I can say is wow, she is great... I can't believe it. Read this:
PsychoticLove420: we need to talk
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
OvertheEdgeFear: Ok
PsychoticLove420: i read ur live journal
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
PsychoticLove420: and you said you were feeling suicidal
PsychoticLove420: what is that shit about
OvertheEdgeFear: It doesn't mean I did anything
PsychoticLove420: it better not.. it better not mean anything
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
PsychoticLove420: im not kidding
OvertheEdgeFear: Why are you acting like this?
PsychoticLove420: what do you mean
OvertheEdgeFear: You're being kind of mean about it...
PsychoticLove420: no .. sweetie im not tryin to be
PsychoticLove420: i was on a while ago and read it
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
PsychoticLove420: and i went to bed and woke up and wanted to talk to u
OvertheEdgeFear: Oh
PsychoticLove420: i dont want you ever to feel that way
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
PsychoticLove420: Look
OvertheEdgeFear: Well... I dunno, I'll get over it eventually
PsychoticLove420: you are my friend..and i care very much about you
PsychoticLove420: I dont want you to feel that much pain that saying ur feeling suicidal
PsychoticLove420: Look
PsychoticLove420: no matter what day it is..no matter what time.. you can always call
PsychoticLove420: Ill always be here for you if u want to talk
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
OvertheEdgeFear: Thanks...
OvertheEdgeFear: But, I have felt this a lot
PsychoticLove420: you can call my house whenever..if im not home.. u can call me at work..and im getting a cell next week.. ill give u that number and you can call me whenever you need
OvertheEdgeFear: I've gotten over it almost every time without trying to kill myself
PsychoticLove420: please just
PsychoticLove420: talk about it
PsychoticLove420: dont say things like that
OvertheEdgeFear: I don't talk though,...
OvertheEdgeFear: And...
PsychoticLove420: i know you dont like talkin about things
PsychoticLove420: but.. just know.. you can talk to me about anything... ive been in the same thing u are
OvertheEdgeFear: When I do, people think that it isn't a big deal and all, but to me it is, they don't understand the pain I feel...
PsychoticLove420: Well i used to be the biggest cutter in the world.
PsychoticLove420: I understand alot of things..But no one gives me the change
PsychoticLove420: chance*
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
OvertheEdgeFear: You haven't been on lately anyway
PsychoticLove420: you know my number
PsychoticLove420: and i have reasons as to why i wasnt on
OvertheEdgeFear: I know that, that's not my business, but I don't like talking on the phone...
PsychoticLove420: oh alright
PsychoticLove420: well if u want to talk online and im not on..call me and ill go on.. i dont mind
PsychoticLove420: ..?
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
OvertheEdgeFear: I wouldn't wanna bother you though
OvertheEdgeFear: and what if you are with Josh?
PsychoticLove420: you wouldnt be
PsychoticLove420: i promise
PsychoticLove420: so?
PsychoticLove420: he'll live
PsychoticLove420: lol
OvertheEdgeFear: he'd get pissed you are talking to me would't he?
PsychoticLove420: he can go without me bein by his side.. he basically lives here.. he does watever he wants here.. he could find somethin to do
PsychoticLove420: no he wouldnt
OvertheEdgeFear: I see...
OvertheEdgeFear: Well, I dunno
PsychoticLove420: yea
PsychoticLove420: ..?
OvertheEdgeFear: Don't yell at me, but I don't see what the big deal is...
PsychoticLove420: i see
PsychoticLove420: Well your not me.. so u wouldnt.
OvertheEdgeFear: The thing is that you ahve plenty of friends, and you haven't known me that long, so I can't be that great of one, so...
OvertheEdgeFear: I don't understand why you would be affected that much
PsychoticLove420: i see..
PsychoticLove420: well when the day comes..and someone u know says there feelig suicidal.. and u dont make a big deal out of it..then the next day..there fuckin dead.. then u wont question me as to why its a big deal
PsychoticLove420: so yeah
PsychoticLove420: it happened to me.
PsychoticLove420: So thats why.
OvertheEdgeFear: I see
OvertheEdgeFear: So it's kind of a guilt thing?
PsychoticLove420: no its kind of a i dont want it to happen aigan thing.
OvertheEdgeFear: Yeah, but... You can pretend like you didn't know I was feeling that, then you'd be ok
PsychoticLove420: You know what..just nevermind
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
PsychoticLove420: You obviously dont understand..but i dont expect you too
OvertheEdgeFear: How could I?
PsychoticLove420: Just know im here if you need me
OvertheEdgeFear: How could I understand?
OvertheEdgeFear: No one ever let me understand...
PsychoticLove420: im only one call away.
PsychoticLove420: dont forget
OvertheEdgeFear: If it is caring about me, then I am definitely not used to it, because no one ever cared, and I don't know how to take it
OvertheEdgeFear: (caring)
PsychoticLove420: I only have one thing to say about that then im going
PsychoticLove420: You dont know how to take it?
PsychoticLove420: Well honey..You better learn.
OvertheEdgeFear: ...
PsychoticLove420 signed off at 11:18:55 PM
Finally, someone who really cares... It's a first, but some people I don't even know are actually seeming to care about me. I am so confused...
I worked from 6-10:30 today. Tomorrow it's another 6-10er. so, wish me luck.
Come on Hot Topic, call me!