...stuff.

[oversized]

go to the link for a story that will amze and astound you. or not. either way. it was just a really long entry. none of you will bother reading it. (:i'm at college, skiving off the shit about spreadsheets. i won't need that unless i work in an office and i hope to fuck that will never happen. I haven't written in here for a while. let me tell you about my weekend. it was sally’s birthday, and despite all the drama and shit of the other night, and her cutting my hand up, which still hurts like buggery, we still went out, to stereo. because barney wanted to rap. if you had seen barney, you would understand the humour in this. he's white, eighteen, has longish black curly hair which is always matted under a bandana in a ghetto stylee. only not. he's more of a hippy. and he went up to rap, and we were all pissed, and sally and me were fighting again. and we expected him to suck and were looking forward to laughing at him, poor bastard. but he was fucking excellent. which was funny. really, he was amazing. he totally held his own against these two rappers who were total neds but incredible. and he freestyled. and it kicked ass. so i bought him lots of drinks, and sally lots of drinks, and we were all happy, and then it was her birthday and then we all got overly emotional and started saying we were the best friends in the world and all that crap. it was nice, in a weird way, even though we're realistically not the best friends in the world. then we went to reds, because it was the only place that would let us in, and got more drunk and it was FUN. yeah it was fun. me and sally didn't fight very much, although we weren't particularly friendly. i wouldn't have even gone if she hadn't almost forced me to. but she did. so i went. there’s lots of pictures of us out that i'll show you all soon. my camera kicks ass. its got a ten minute movie thing on it as well. i'm hella glad i saved up for it, despite how hard it was to not spend such a large amount of money when i know i have it. its harsh. but it was worth it, because now i have several excellent pictures of the few friends i have. i've got really loving towards them recently. they mean so much more to me than they used to. we're going up to the caravan again soon, which will be amazing. when my irish friends are over, everything seems sunnier and brighter. we always take loads of ecstacy to the caravan, and go out and build fires and drink whiskey and breathe unpolluted air and just enjoy the fact that we actually can go just a few hours away from massive cities to somewhere so beautiful and unspoilt. its really weird. the last time we were there there was this amazing view. really, i've never seen anything so incredible, and not just because i was drugged up. you had to walk through a forest on the side of a hill, and we did this in the pitch black, fucked out of our minds. then there was this huge tree, possibly the oldest, most amazing tree i've ever seen. walk past it, and you're at the top of a hill. then you walk forward, the trees thin, and suddenly you're left standing on a hilltop, looking down into a valley as the sun rises over the hills infront of you. its all rolling hills, bright green grass, the dotted white shapes of sheep wandering blithely below as the sky turns blue from grey, and clouds are collected in pockets of mist in the valleys below. seriously, it was like little clouds taken from the sky and dropped to nestle in between the hills below. everything was mist and weak dawn sunshine, an incredible shade of washed out gold. when we go up, i'll try to take a picture of it, but i doubt i could. i think the only reason for the mist collecting like that was the heat, or the level of rain, or something. but really, it was just amazing. its one of my clearest memories. and i felt so much happier then than i ever thought i could. so much happier then than i am now, seated on a chair thats up to high, trying all this shit while i'm meant to be learning about the wonders of spreadsheets. oo-wee. that classis finished now, but now i'm embroiled in something with the sinister name of BSAD. ha. be sad. geddit? RDRR. haha. that simpsons kicks ass. i just want to be at the caravan right now. with the drugs, the people, the laughter, the music, the staying up all night, going to bed at midday, sleeping until dark and sitting around a fire smelling of woodsmoke and work. fucking hell. some neds behind me are playing some of the worst music i've ever heard. some dancey type crap with lots of 'wakka wakka' noises. fucking twats. whoah. i've written much. this is the product of two hours of fuck all to do and no cigarettes. i need a drink. and a smoke. and silence and my hose for a while. then loud techno and the tv turned down, flashing in the corner happily. mm. fucking heaven after this place. a good smoke, i'll go round for sally later. when we're not trying to kill each other, we get on so well its scary. i'm very much in love with her but its too fucking complex. we both seem to have an inability to stay faithful to the other. and thats why typing is taking me much longer, due to the large gash in my hand. yes. GASH. i make it sound so dramatic. she said i was a typical guy and couldn't handle the sight of my own blood. she would say that. she used to eb one of those lame cutter kids, so i expect shes used to it. but i hate my own blood. i love those programmes about plastic surgery and stuff, where you see really, really gory operating table scenes. i love all that. but my own blood freaks me out. its a reminder of mortality. i don't like to be reminded of the fact i'm going to die. probably sooner than most due to my 'devil may care' lifestyle. as barney put it the other day while mocking me. devil may care. ha. i've never understood that. plus. he's one to fucking talk. coke addict hippies are a sad, sad sight. but funny. but also sad. na. he's not that bad. but he does way too much coke. way too much. I never really understood the appeal of coke. too thoughtful for me. i like downers. alcohol, dope, valium, smack. stuff to make me stop thinking. not the smack anymore, thanks to friends who kick ass and are yet fucking arseholes for not letting my addiction run its course. either i would have died, or i would have become a religious freak. both sound like fun to me. but barney and his hypocritical drug spiels. he rants for a while, then goes, 'shit, i'm on in a minute' and runs off to the toilet to powder his nose, so to speak. fucking stupid bastard. its incredible. at least i had a nice, honest, anti social drug habit. it was weird and purging and yeah... honest. everyone knew i was fucking up, fucked up, fucking off. with barney, no one knows he's generally out of it, spends all his spare money on coke, and hardly eats in order to have so called spare money. but let it be on his own fucking head. i don't want to get involve in the minor plights of a cokehead. they're not nice people.
but fuck it, it doesn’t matter, because I have to go now. its my next class. a communications Int 2, when I just did my english higher still. ha. funny. yeah. really funny. anyway. bye. x