U-Turn
Title: U-Turn
Characters: Young Bae (Big Bang)
Notes: The things I do to carry through with my Big Bang ban. Serioiusly, I thought writing YB as this character would make me hate him, but it kinda makes me more in love with him. Yeah, I HAVE ISSUES, I KNOW.
ONE - I get carried away by the world and you get erased
"Oppa, buy me another drink?"
I looked at the girl sitting beside me. Her arm was latched tightly around my forearm and she was leaning over giving me a clear shot of the cleavage that her shirt wasn't helping to conceal. She gave me a flirty smile and batted her eyelashes at me.
I smirked at her and nodded. I lifted a hand to signal one of the waitresses for another round of drinks.
The girl--I think her name was Min Ah, or Shin Ah--moved even closer to me and placed a hand on my knee. I turned my head slightly and saw her bite down on her full lips. "Oppa, do you have to be anywhere, tonight?"
Despite the loud music blaring around us, I heard her perfectly. I heard her soft voice laced with undertones of seduction. The hand that was on my knee was tracing small circles and slowly making its way up towards my thigh.
This was wrong. So wrong, so wrong, so wrong. The insistent mantra echoed in the back of my head. My mind was screaming at me to stop, and yet, I didn't listen.
I smiled and placed my arm around her bare shoulders. "No, no where, at all."
TWO - So many nights you ask me to tell you that my feeling are the same as when I first met you.
"You're still awake?" I asked as I walked into our small living room.
She mumbled something incoherent and sat up straight; kicking the blanket that covered her onto the floor. She rubbed her eyes and gave me a slight frown, not saying anything and not moving.
I shrugged and walked into the kitchen.
"Did you have fun with her tonight?" she asked from the living room. There was no trace of jealousy, hurt or sadness in her voice. It sounded entirely neutral, as if she was asking about the weather.
I placed the cup that was in my hand down onto the tabletop and turned to look at her. "What do you mean?"
She slightly shrugged, the action making the strap on her top fall off revealing her bare shoulders. The girl at the club was wearing a strapless dress and the small action reminded me of what had occurred just three hours ago.
"Just wanted to know how your night was," she replied and I saw her get up from the couch.
"It was good," I stated, simply and poured a glass of milk.
She sat down at the counter and sighed. "What's happening?"
I put the milk away into the refrigerator and gave her a confused look. "What do you mean?"
She shrugged again. "Us. What's happening?"
"Nothing. It's the same as it's always been," I said with a slight grin and took a drink from my cup.
"Is it? The same as the first day of senior year?" she asked and then she suddenly giggled when I set my cup down. "You have a milk mustache."
"Do I?" I lifted up a spoon on the counter and sure enough the skin above my upper lip was completely white. I set the spoon down and gave her a wicked grin. I leaned over the counter and whispered, "Want to lick it off for me?"
Her face suddenly turned pink and she slapped my shoulder. "Ew, you're gross."
I smirked and took a napkin out of the box and slowly wiped the milk away, making sure not to look away from her and making a show out of it. "You're 21 and you still act like a 12 year old."
She stuck her tongue at me in response.
"But in regards to your question ... of course it is," I told her gently. I reached over to grab her hands. I always loved the feel of her small hands in mine. "You know it is."
She gave me a small smile in response and allowed me to intertwine our hands. As I marveled at how well our hands fit together, I couldn't help but feel a small sense of guilt arise within me. As quickly as it appeared, it vanished.
THREE - And I spend my days in meaningless activities becoming filthier, baby. I want to leave your purity as it is.
"You can--can't--don't--mmm."
What were we talking about? I don't even remember. We were on the couch and she was saying something but honestly, it had been so long that we had a moment together like this that when she finally stopped talking, I had leaned over and kissed her. She was so shocked. Even as my hands found their way around her small waist and my tongue tried to prod her mouth open, I could still sense her wide eyes on me. Wanting some kind of response from her, my lips became more forceful; kissing her harder. Her hesitance was becoming too overwhelming for me, and I gently placed my left hand underneath her light shirt, coming into contact with warm, soft skin and drawing small circles. She slightly jumped at the feel of my cool fingers against her warm skin. I took advantage of her surprise, and slid my tongue into her mouth--wanting her to respond.
Suddenly, the hands that originally laid limply in her lap, found their way around my neck. The lips that I had sought so hard for a response from began moving against mine. I smiled victoriously against her lips and broke away from her to softly kiss the corner of her mouth which led to her jaw which then, led to a trail down her white neck. Just when I was about to venture lower, she protested quietly, but it was quickly drowned out by a soft moan. I took that as permission, and gripped her hips, and pulled her tightly against me so that I could feel every soft curve of her body against my own. I slightly pushed forwards so that her back laid against the the arm rest of the sofa; effectively caging her in to prevent an escape. Although, at this point, I highly doubted that she wanted to escape.
When did it get so hot? Yes, there was a heat wave outside, but the apartment was fully air conditioned, but now it felt like the room had just gotten 30 degrees hotter.
My lips returned to the trail down her throat while my hands left her bare back and instead aimed for the pearl white buttons just asking to be released from their confines, but she suddenly stopped me.
"Young Bae," she tried to say firmly, but it came out as husky. Her small hands covered my large ones, stopping them from popping the row of buttons on her shirt.
I looked up from our joined hands and to her face. Her face was flushed, her lips slightly parted and bruised from the pressure of my own, and she was breathing heavily. I couldn't help but feel a fierce sense of pride because I was the one who made her like this. I was the one who made her speechless, flushed and out of breath. No one else. Of course, I didn't have the right to be this cocky, because she had a similar effect on me.
She lowered our hands down to her lap and tried to regain her breathing. She wasn't looking at me, instead she focused her attention on her hands. She slightly twisted her fingers so that they intertwined with my own. "You can't just ... kiss me and forget everything," she said in a quiet voice, still refusing to meet my gaze.
I sighed loudly, and released my hands from her grasp. I shifted slightly away from her, giving her room to come out of the corner of the couch I had forced her into.
"I saw her," she said in the same quiet tone.
My eyes narrowed slightly and my breathing quickened.
"You forgot your keys when you left today," she said, still looking at her hands in her lap.
Right. I had wondered where they were when I was out today.
"It was about 15 minutes after you left that I saw them on the counter, so I thought I could run out and catch up to you at the grocery store."
She saw me.
"You were with her."
I reached out for her, but unlike before when she would lean into my touch, she backed away. How was it that just 5 minutes ago she was practically melting against me and begging me for it, and now she made it seem as if I was unclean and dirty?
"You know she means nothing," I murmured. "I only see you." Was this a lie? Was I just saying this to make myself and her to feel better?
After a moment's pause where she didn't move or say anything, I placed my hand on her bare knee and this time ... she didn't move it. I lightly squeezed it and moved closer to her. "You're the only one I see," I repeated and leaned in once again and to my surprise, she didn't push me away, but rather she responded to me quickly-much quicker than before.
A part of me hated myself for doing this, but another part of me told me that I needed her. It wasn't just a lust or want, but a desperate need. I felt unclean when I walked into the small apartment just minutes ago, and even now, I felt I was dirtying her when I was touching her. I felt like I was passing my sins over to her - infidelity, selfishness, lust - when my lips moved against hers. I was corrupting her and shedding the essence of her innocence away, and yet, I didn't want to stop.
FOUR - Even if I forget you, don’t you ever forget me
"These are the EXACT same ones you gave her! Why do you think I'm stupid?"
This was new. I was so used to her being so understanding and pleasant, but this, this was a side I hadn't seen in her for a very long time. To date someone for a year and three months was an incredibly long time. Relationships are always exciting in the beginning. You never know what the other person is going to do and things are just spontaneous and fun. Then as the weeks and months go by, things begin to become routine and boring. You start to know the person and you begin to know them better than yourselves. Is this exciting? Is it exciting to settle into a life of mundaneness because you've grown to know a person so well and you're able to predict their every move?
She was livid. I hadn't seen her like this since the time in high school when Kwon Ji Yong tried to lift up her uniform skirt when she walked past him.
I sat there on the couch looking up at her, truly ... fascinated. This was just so different from the routine we had settled ourselves into. She was submissive; always giving into what I wanted while I was seen as the dominant role. But this, this was completely different.
She shook the bouquet in her hands at me, angrily. "You gave me the same fu.cking bouquet!"
I watched as the yellow rose petals fell from the force of the shake. I don't think I gave her the same bouquet.
"Seung Ri saw you. He saw you at the park giving her the same fu.cking flowers that you're giving me now," she cried out and threw the bouquet at me to which I caught before it hit me in the face.
I set the flowers onto the sofa next to me and settled my attention back to her. She stood there breathing heavily with a furious glint in her eyes and her fists clenched by her sides.
"Bab--" I stopped myself realizing how much she hated it when I called her 'baby'. "What are you talking about? Seung Ri has the worst vision in the world, there's no way you can trust him.
She looked at me skeptically and crossed her arms, and continued to ignore me.
Tired of the silence, I got up from my seat and began to speak. "You know that you're the only--"
"Why do I do this?" she said, quietly, cutting me off.
I narrowed my eyes at her. She wasn't particularly speaking to me, it was more so of a question towards herself.
"You go out and you lie, and yet, I am always here," she said, still not looking at me.
The thought of her not being here when I came home was unsettling. Yes, we have come to a point where our relationship was routine and I knew her almost better than myself, but you get so used to someone being there that it's strange to think of them not being there. You hear the phrase, "I can't live without you" but you also hear the phrase, "I can live without you, I just don't want to." You see, I could live without her, but I don't think I want to. It's a selfish thing. I wanted her here every day and every night for me. It's possible for me to continue living my life and going through the regular routine without her; I just don't want to.
She turned around, giving me her back. "It's so easy and convenient for you, isn't it? You go out with all those random girls at night and then you come home to me."
"I come back, isn't that what matters?" I asked, not touching on her first comment.
She laughed harshly. "Okay, well, how about I go out at night to Club Deviant and flirt with willing boys and I come back to you, is that okay? I mean, I come back, that's all that matters," she said in a mocking tone.
This really was a selfish love. The thought of her with anyone else but me was enough to make my blood boil.
"Why should I continue staying? Why? Please tell me," she asked me when I didn't answer. She turned back around and for the first time in a very long time, I saw doubt on her face.
"I ... you know why," I managed to get out after a moment of silence.
She sighed heavily and frowned. "Do I?"
"I ... you ... you're the only one, okay?" I said. It was hard to say those words because it was a lie? Because it was the truth?
She still didn't look convinced.
"The only one," I repeated and moved to stand in front of her. I cupped her face with my hands and forced her to look up at me. "Only you." I leaned in to kiss her slowly, wanting to take my time. Once again, she didn't respond. She just stood there allowing herself to be kissed. I didn't force her to respond or place my hands underneath her shirt. I kissed her the way I had back in senior year underneath a large oak tree that shielded us from the rain.
As if we had traveled back in time, I felt wetness on my hands that were still cupping her face. I pulled away to look at her and saw a few tears streaming down her face.
It's funny. Usually when boys see the sight of girls crying, they feel uncomfortable and the need to get away from the situation arises. That or they want to comfort the girl. Right now, I didn't know what to feel when I saw those tears.
My hands left her face and trailed a path down to her bare shoulders.
"Can I really believe that?" she asked me, not bothering to wipe away the tears.
There was a moment of hesitation. How can she believe it if I didn't believe it? Was this a game of self denial? I wasn't sure, but I nodded anyways and tilted my head down to kiss her lightly on her forehead. I gripped her shoulders and pulled her towards my body. "Yes, you can."
After a few seconds, she returned my embrace, but ... it didn't feel the same.
FIVE - Look only at me
I think I knew before I even walked into the apartment. I knew before I saw half of her closet empty. I knew before I found the yellow bouquet of flowers in the trash bin.
She was gone.
She had left.
She was no longer looking only at me, despite what I told her. It was selfish, conceited and sinful to wish for something like that.
Could I have made a complete U-turn? Changing my ways for a girl that I thought I needed. A girl that I thought was possibly the love of my life. I don't know, I really don't. If I truly loved her, would I have done all those things to her? Would I have gone out to drink at night and sleep with random girls that I never knew the names of? Some may say no, and some may say yes. Even after everything that I did to her and the feelings that I felt towards her, I still came back to her. When I felt like I was suffocating in this relationship, I came back. When I felt that things were over, I still came back. Isn't that what love is? To still realize that you love them after all the stupid sh.it you've done? Or was I just the naive one in this relationship?
U-turn. A sudden and complete turnaround. It's funny, how I wished she would continue to look only at me despite what I did. I've just realized that it's the complete opposite. It's always been the other way around.
I was always looking at her, no matter what I did or who I was with. All those times I said that she was the only one, I thought I was lying to myself. All the times that I said I only saw her, I thought I was just making words up to make her happy.
Now I've realized that it's always been her.
Only her.
Funny how you don't realize these things until it's too late.
---------------
Translation credit: moogledesu @ wordpress
- This was VERY much so inspired by YB's "Look Only At Me"
- I totally fail at life. YB, you're going to make me fail business and then I cannot pursue my dream of becoming one of your slutty back up dancers. WHERE ARE YOU MORALS AND SHAME?
Characters: Young Bae (Big Bang)
Notes: The things I do to carry through with my Big Bang ban. Serioiusly, I thought writing YB as this character would make me hate him, but it kinda makes me more in love with him. Yeah, I HAVE ISSUES, I KNOW.
ONE - I get carried away by the world and you get erased
"Oppa, buy me another drink?"
I looked at the girl sitting beside me. Her arm was latched tightly around my forearm and she was leaning over giving me a clear shot of the cleavage that her shirt wasn't helping to conceal. She gave me a flirty smile and batted her eyelashes at me.
I smirked at her and nodded. I lifted a hand to signal one of the waitresses for another round of drinks.
The girl--I think her name was Min Ah, or Shin Ah--moved even closer to me and placed a hand on my knee. I turned my head slightly and saw her bite down on her full lips. "Oppa, do you have to be anywhere, tonight?"
Despite the loud music blaring around us, I heard her perfectly. I heard her soft voice laced with undertones of seduction. The hand that was on my knee was tracing small circles and slowly making its way up towards my thigh.
This was wrong. So wrong, so wrong, so wrong. The insistent mantra echoed in the back of my head. My mind was screaming at me to stop, and yet, I didn't listen.
I smiled and placed my arm around her bare shoulders. "No, no where, at all."
TWO - So many nights you ask me to tell you that my feeling are the same as when I first met you.
"You're still awake?" I asked as I walked into our small living room.
She mumbled something incoherent and sat up straight; kicking the blanket that covered her onto the floor. She rubbed her eyes and gave me a slight frown, not saying anything and not moving.
I shrugged and walked into the kitchen.
"Did you have fun with her tonight?" she asked from the living room. There was no trace of jealousy, hurt or sadness in her voice. It sounded entirely neutral, as if she was asking about the weather.
I placed the cup that was in my hand down onto the tabletop and turned to look at her. "What do you mean?"
She slightly shrugged, the action making the strap on her top fall off revealing her bare shoulders. The girl at the club was wearing a strapless dress and the small action reminded me of what had occurred just three hours ago.
"Just wanted to know how your night was," she replied and I saw her get up from the couch.
"It was good," I stated, simply and poured a glass of milk.
She sat down at the counter and sighed. "What's happening?"
I put the milk away into the refrigerator and gave her a confused look. "What do you mean?"
She shrugged again. "Us. What's happening?"
"Nothing. It's the same as it's always been," I said with a slight grin and took a drink from my cup.
"Is it? The same as the first day of senior year?" she asked and then she suddenly giggled when I set my cup down. "You have a milk mustache."
"Do I?" I lifted up a spoon on the counter and sure enough the skin above my upper lip was completely white. I set the spoon down and gave her a wicked grin. I leaned over the counter and whispered, "Want to lick it off for me?"
Her face suddenly turned pink and she slapped my shoulder. "Ew, you're gross."
I smirked and took a napkin out of the box and slowly wiped the milk away, making sure not to look away from her and making a show out of it. "You're 21 and you still act like a 12 year old."
She stuck her tongue at me in response.
"But in regards to your question ... of course it is," I told her gently. I reached over to grab her hands. I always loved the feel of her small hands in mine. "You know it is."
She gave me a small smile in response and allowed me to intertwine our hands. As I marveled at how well our hands fit together, I couldn't help but feel a small sense of guilt arise within me. As quickly as it appeared, it vanished.
THREE - And I spend my days in meaningless activities becoming filthier, baby. I want to leave your purity as it is.
"You can--can't--don't--mmm."
What were we talking about? I don't even remember. We were on the couch and she was saying something but honestly, it had been so long that we had a moment together like this that when she finally stopped talking, I had leaned over and kissed her. She was so shocked. Even as my hands found their way around her small waist and my tongue tried to prod her mouth open, I could still sense her wide eyes on me. Wanting some kind of response from her, my lips became more forceful; kissing her harder. Her hesitance was becoming too overwhelming for me, and I gently placed my left hand underneath her light shirt, coming into contact with warm, soft skin and drawing small circles. She slightly jumped at the feel of my cool fingers against her warm skin. I took advantage of her surprise, and slid my tongue into her mouth--wanting her to respond.
Suddenly, the hands that originally laid limply in her lap, found their way around my neck. The lips that I had sought so hard for a response from began moving against mine. I smiled victoriously against her lips and broke away from her to softly kiss the corner of her mouth which led to her jaw which then, led to a trail down her white neck. Just when I was about to venture lower, she protested quietly, but it was quickly drowned out by a soft moan. I took that as permission, and gripped her hips, and pulled her tightly against me so that I could feel every soft curve of her body against my own. I slightly pushed forwards so that her back laid against the the arm rest of the sofa; effectively caging her in to prevent an escape. Although, at this point, I highly doubted that she wanted to escape.
When did it get so hot? Yes, there was a heat wave outside, but the apartment was fully air conditioned, but now it felt like the room had just gotten 30 degrees hotter.
My lips returned to the trail down her throat while my hands left her bare back and instead aimed for the pearl white buttons just asking to be released from their confines, but she suddenly stopped me.
"Young Bae," she tried to say firmly, but it came out as husky. Her small hands covered my large ones, stopping them from popping the row of buttons on her shirt.
I looked up from our joined hands and to her face. Her face was flushed, her lips slightly parted and bruised from the pressure of my own, and she was breathing heavily. I couldn't help but feel a fierce sense of pride because I was the one who made her like this. I was the one who made her speechless, flushed and out of breath. No one else. Of course, I didn't have the right to be this cocky, because she had a similar effect on me.
She lowered our hands down to her lap and tried to regain her breathing. She wasn't looking at me, instead she focused her attention on her hands. She slightly twisted her fingers so that they intertwined with my own. "You can't just ... kiss me and forget everything," she said in a quiet voice, still refusing to meet my gaze.
I sighed loudly, and released my hands from her grasp. I shifted slightly away from her, giving her room to come out of the corner of the couch I had forced her into.
"I saw her," she said in the same quiet tone.
My eyes narrowed slightly and my breathing quickened.
"You forgot your keys when you left today," she said, still looking at her hands in her lap.
Right. I had wondered where they were when I was out today.
"It was about 15 minutes after you left that I saw them on the counter, so I thought I could run out and catch up to you at the grocery store."
She saw me.
"You were with her."
I reached out for her, but unlike before when she would lean into my touch, she backed away. How was it that just 5 minutes ago she was practically melting against me and begging me for it, and now she made it seem as if I was unclean and dirty?
"You know she means nothing," I murmured. "I only see you." Was this a lie? Was I just saying this to make myself and her to feel better?
After a moment's pause where she didn't move or say anything, I placed my hand on her bare knee and this time ... she didn't move it. I lightly squeezed it and moved closer to her. "You're the only one I see," I repeated and leaned in once again and to my surprise, she didn't push me away, but rather she responded to me quickly-much quicker than before.
A part of me hated myself for doing this, but another part of me told me that I needed her. It wasn't just a lust or want, but a desperate need. I felt unclean when I walked into the small apartment just minutes ago, and even now, I felt I was dirtying her when I was touching her. I felt like I was passing my sins over to her - infidelity, selfishness, lust - when my lips moved against hers. I was corrupting her and shedding the essence of her innocence away, and yet, I didn't want to stop.
FOUR - Even if I forget you, don’t you ever forget me
"These are the EXACT same ones you gave her! Why do you think I'm stupid?"
This was new. I was so used to her being so understanding and pleasant, but this, this was a side I hadn't seen in her for a very long time. To date someone for a year and three months was an incredibly long time. Relationships are always exciting in the beginning. You never know what the other person is going to do and things are just spontaneous and fun. Then as the weeks and months go by, things begin to become routine and boring. You start to know the person and you begin to know them better than yourselves. Is this exciting? Is it exciting to settle into a life of mundaneness because you've grown to know a person so well and you're able to predict their every move?
She was livid. I hadn't seen her like this since the time in high school when Kwon Ji Yong tried to lift up her uniform skirt when she walked past him.
I sat there on the couch looking up at her, truly ... fascinated. This was just so different from the routine we had settled ourselves into. She was submissive; always giving into what I wanted while I was seen as the dominant role. But this, this was completely different.
She shook the bouquet in her hands at me, angrily. "You gave me the same fu.cking bouquet!"
I watched as the yellow rose petals fell from the force of the shake. I don't think I gave her the same bouquet.
"Seung Ri saw you. He saw you at the park giving her the same fu.cking flowers that you're giving me now," she cried out and threw the bouquet at me to which I caught before it hit me in the face.
I set the flowers onto the sofa next to me and settled my attention back to her. She stood there breathing heavily with a furious glint in her eyes and her fists clenched by her sides.
"Bab--" I stopped myself realizing how much she hated it when I called her 'baby'. "What are you talking about? Seung Ri has the worst vision in the world, there's no way you can trust him.
She looked at me skeptically and crossed her arms, and continued to ignore me.
Tired of the silence, I got up from my seat and began to speak. "You know that you're the only--"
"Why do I do this?" she said, quietly, cutting me off.
I narrowed my eyes at her. She wasn't particularly speaking to me, it was more so of a question towards herself.
"You go out and you lie, and yet, I am always here," she said, still not looking at me.
The thought of her not being here when I came home was unsettling. Yes, we have come to a point where our relationship was routine and I knew her almost better than myself, but you get so used to someone being there that it's strange to think of them not being there. You hear the phrase, "I can't live without you" but you also hear the phrase, "I can live without you, I just don't want to." You see, I could live without her, but I don't think I want to. It's a selfish thing. I wanted her here every day and every night for me. It's possible for me to continue living my life and going through the regular routine without her; I just don't want to.
She turned around, giving me her back. "It's so easy and convenient for you, isn't it? You go out with all those random girls at night and then you come home to me."
"I come back, isn't that what matters?" I asked, not touching on her first comment.
She laughed harshly. "Okay, well, how about I go out at night to Club Deviant and flirt with willing boys and I come back to you, is that okay? I mean, I come back, that's all that matters," she said in a mocking tone.
This really was a selfish love. The thought of her with anyone else but me was enough to make my blood boil.
"Why should I continue staying? Why? Please tell me," she asked me when I didn't answer. She turned back around and for the first time in a very long time, I saw doubt on her face.
"I ... you know why," I managed to get out after a moment of silence.
She sighed heavily and frowned. "Do I?"
"I ... you ... you're the only one, okay?" I said. It was hard to say those words because it was a lie? Because it was the truth?
She still didn't look convinced.
"The only one," I repeated and moved to stand in front of her. I cupped her face with my hands and forced her to look up at me. "Only you." I leaned in to kiss her slowly, wanting to take my time. Once again, she didn't respond. She just stood there allowing herself to be kissed. I didn't force her to respond or place my hands underneath her shirt. I kissed her the way I had back in senior year underneath a large oak tree that shielded us from the rain.
As if we had traveled back in time, I felt wetness on my hands that were still cupping her face. I pulled away to look at her and saw a few tears streaming down her face.
It's funny. Usually when boys see the sight of girls crying, they feel uncomfortable and the need to get away from the situation arises. That or they want to comfort the girl. Right now, I didn't know what to feel when I saw those tears.
My hands left her face and trailed a path down to her bare shoulders.
"Can I really believe that?" she asked me, not bothering to wipe away the tears.
There was a moment of hesitation. How can she believe it if I didn't believe it? Was this a game of self denial? I wasn't sure, but I nodded anyways and tilted my head down to kiss her lightly on her forehead. I gripped her shoulders and pulled her towards my body. "Yes, you can."
After a few seconds, she returned my embrace, but ... it didn't feel the same.
FIVE - Look only at me
I think I knew before I even walked into the apartment. I knew before I saw half of her closet empty. I knew before I found the yellow bouquet of flowers in the trash bin.
She was gone.
She had left.
She was no longer looking only at me, despite what I told her. It was selfish, conceited and sinful to wish for something like that.
Could I have made a complete U-turn? Changing my ways for a girl that I thought I needed. A girl that I thought was possibly the love of my life. I don't know, I really don't. If I truly loved her, would I have done all those things to her? Would I have gone out to drink at night and sleep with random girls that I never knew the names of? Some may say no, and some may say yes. Even after everything that I did to her and the feelings that I felt towards her, I still came back to her. When I felt like I was suffocating in this relationship, I came back. When I felt that things were over, I still came back. Isn't that what love is? To still realize that you love them after all the stupid sh.it you've done? Or was I just the naive one in this relationship?
U-turn. A sudden and complete turnaround. It's funny, how I wished she would continue to look only at me despite what I did. I've just realized that it's the complete opposite. It's always been the other way around.
I was always looking at her, no matter what I did or who I was with. All those times I said that she was the only one, I thought I was lying to myself. All the times that I said I only saw her, I thought I was just making words up to make her happy.
Now I've realized that it's always been her.
Only her.
Funny how you don't realize these things until it's too late.
---------------
Translation credit: moogledesu @ wordpress
- This was VERY much so inspired by YB's "Look Only At Me"
- I totally fail at life. YB, you're going to make me fail business and then I cannot pursue my dream of becoming one of your slutty back up dancers. WHERE ARE YOU MORALS AND SHAME?